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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to move my wedding?

117 replies

MaderiaCycle · 06/10/2017 17:14

Our wedding celebration is booked (and paid for) for 31st March 2018. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant and due on 10th April. We are having the legal ceremony with immediate family in November but lots of people (usually distant friends) are telling us to postpone the celebration as I won’t be able to dance (we are having a ceilidh). Weddings are so stressful to organise and it feels like 31st March is done. AIBU to keep to the original date or am I mad for thinking of having a big party 2 weeks before my due date?

OP posts:
Original poster
MaderiaCycle · 06/10/2017 17:39

The wedding is November 2017. The choice for the party is March 2018 or November 2018.

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 06/10/2017 17:40

This happened to friends of mine. Baby was due a few days after the wedding but actually arrived a few days before. Bride became very seriously ill with complications and they had to cancel. Luckily insurance covered a lot of the cost.

2014newme · 06/10/2017 17:41

Have the party November 2017.

GrumpyOldBag · 06/10/2017 17:41

You'll probably be fine. I went to a wedding (not my own) about a week before DS2 was born and danced a lot!

But there is obviously a risk that the baby may come early...

manicinsomniac · 06/10/2017 17:42

Agree with others - not dancing wouldn't bother me at all. Not being able to attend my own wedding due to being in labour/hospital would!

LoniceraJaponica · 06/10/2017 17:43

DD was born 11 days early. I think you are being a tad optimistic.

TBH I don't understand why you are having two wedding celebrations several months apart.

LetsSplashMummy · 06/10/2017 17:43

The hard bit of organising is choosing, which is done- even if you change the date. You are not starting from scratch.

I was a bridesmaid at 36 weeks, ceilidh (only did first dance/essentials) was really uncomfortable, champagne gave me heartburn and I ached so badly. I also had an easy pregnancy, except that day!

I'd move to November, or after June if November is too short notice.

ALittleMop · 06/10/2017 17:45

why are you having a separate party so far apart?
I'd do November 18 and do first anniversary. No-one will treat an April celebration with the importance of a wedding anyway especially if you've already had a wedding
DS1 was 3 weeks early, fwiw

However, it would annoy me too if lots of my relatives telling me what to do, but I think they mebbe have a point

expatinscotland · 06/10/2017 17:46

'Weddings are so stressful to organise and it feels like 31st March is done.

It isn't a wedding? It is a party. Might end up as a birth celebration.'

This.

HumphreyCobblers · 06/10/2017 17:47

Honestly, you might be fine ( I met a woman who had biked five miles into town with a toddler on the back of her bike on her due date!) but you might be like me. I was on crutches and emotionally incontinent. I cried at everything and when I wasn't crying I was shouting at my husband. It would not have been a fun wedding.

GwenStaceyRocks · 06/10/2017 17:48

I think rearranging is the least stressful option. Sticking to March means you actually have to prepare for 3 scenarios: baby comes early and you need to cancel; baby comes at the celebration (and you have to leave); you're heavily pregnant and uncomfortable so don't enjoy the celebration anyway, and leave early.
I'd move to a date which made those options unlikely.

Redglitter · 06/10/2017 17:48

If March and Nov 2018 are your only options is go for Nov. Have it for your anniversary and if it's the only tine family can all be there you could have a christening then too (If you would be having one) As pp said your baby could be early and even if it's not would you really feel like hosting a big party? I'd postpone it til after your baby is here when you can relax and enjoy it more

Ashvis · 06/10/2017 17:48

I ceilidh danced at a friend’s wedding a couple weeks before my ds was born. A lot of the other guests thought I was mad, but I didn’t care. Ceilidh dancing is fun! But that close to your due date you’re unlikely to want to be organising anything - you may not want to change the date, but you’ll probably be wanting to focus on all things baby related at that time, not wedding related.

Oncewaswho · 06/10/2017 17:49

My first was born 2.5 weeks early. I'd rearrange it.

eurochick · 06/10/2017 17:50

My baby was a month old by two weeks before my due date! Not typical but not a one in a million chance either.

Nothingrhymeswithfamily · 06/10/2017 17:53

My first was born at 36.5 weeks. Move your wedding to be on the safe side.

SheepyFun · 06/10/2017 17:55

I had a normal, healthy pregnancy up to 36 weeks. I was hospitalised at 37+5, with DD born at 39. Even if you manage to avoid hospital, I know lots of people who ended up with a lot of appointments in their last month of pregnancy due to more minor issues. I would move the celebration if I were you.

BananaShit · 06/10/2017 17:56

I'd move it.

I've been to a few 7 and even 8 months pregnant shindigs, but anything above 35 weeks just isn't worth the risk. As it's your first you'll probably not have given birth yet, but equally, something like 5% of first timers come before 38 weeks. That's thousands of women a year. I expect everyone on here probably knows at least one woman whose first was 2 or more weeks early. I can think of 5 just off the top of my head.

Additionally, even if you've not given birth by then, there's a pretty realistic chance you won't be feeling well enough to fully enjoy it. I felt fine at 38 weeks with mine, but fine meant pottering, waddling to coffee with people, napping and doing a bit of cooking when I felt like it. Parties would've been harder. There are of course people who are fine, but you can't bank on being one.

abbsisspartacus · 06/10/2017 17:58

Had this discussion when we planned a train trip around my due date in the end she was early so we bought her along

mayhew · 06/10/2017 18:02

Full term is 37-42 weeks.
you might have just given birth and have a fanny full of stitches, you might be pregnant with swollen legs and wanting to kill people, you, or the baby, might be unwell and having hospital care or your waters might break at the venue in true soap style. Do any of these sound like party material?

RidingWindhorses · 06/10/2017 18:03

If it was someone else's party it would be fine - you could go or not go situation dependent. But you don't want to go into labour the day before and end up missing your own party, so I'd rearrange.

Goshthatwentwell · 06/10/2017 18:03

Due dates are rubbish as doctors count from your last period. Mine arrived spot on however many days from conception it's supposed to be. Count carefully!

I was fine and only had a small bump. Painted the whole house three weeks before mine was due. But I was young, in good health and sort of knew straight away I'd be fine. If you are stressy or emotional by nature I would move it. Two life events in two weeks is a bit much.

diddl · 06/10/2017 18:03

A week before my due date I had an 11wk old with my PFB & a 3wk old with my PSB!

It's a party that you could have at any time after November isn't it?

Original poster
MaderiaCycle · 06/10/2017 18:04

We brought the legal wedding forward so we’ll be legally married before the baby arrives hence the already split date. This was in case I’m in Labour on 31st March! It was originally all on one day. It’s not ideal to have it split - there’s immediate family only at the actual wedding.

OP posts:
theymademejoin · 06/10/2017 18:04

Ds1 was born at 38 weeks. With dd, I went to a wedding at 37 weeks and really stressed out the band by spending the whole night dancing. They asked me to sit down as they were afraid I'd go into labour Smile. She was born at 38.5 weeks. At 38 weeks with ds2 I was in agony with braxton hicks and spd. He was also born at 38.5.

I wouldn't chance it for my own wedding.