Helenadove happened to me. sorry if this upsets anyone
Was 20 years old, recently moved out of a hostel. Was in the hostel due to having had to leave home at 17. My SD had raped me several times. The abuse had started when I was 11 and he moved in. So I was trying to rebuild my life.
It was my first proper job. I was so proud of myself for getting it. No more JC. No more temporary accommodations. I was trying to pay my rent and earn enough money to buy furniture and just start my life! This new job was the beginning of that.
There was this very charismatic, popular supervisor. Good looking. Around 8 or 9 years older than me. He used to give extra breaks and let the female workers with children go home early, which everyone thought was lovely. I barely talked to him. At that point I rarely talked to men full stop. He was not my direct supervisor, but took over the team I worked with sometimes.
Anyway, one day I was working with just one other member of staff. It was a very quiet day and he called me into the operations room, ostensibly to show me how stuff worked. I wondered why he even noticed me.
Anyway he sexually assaulted me whilst my colleague was outside. I did what I always had done to get through and froze while he did what he did. I didn't put up a fight. I was quite proficient by then of switching gears mentally. This guy was 1000% sure I would say nothing. He was right.
Afterward I acted like nothing had happened. I smiled and joked with him when around others. But I tried to make sure I was never around him again.
But regardless of that he still got me a second time.
The second time I was surrounded by 300+ people and sitting so close to a fellow team member our thighs literally touched. We were in a large theatre hired as a conference room watching a presentation and the lights were out completely.
He seated himself to the right of me. And right there under the noses of more than 300 people he put his hand under my skirt and into my tights and molested me again. This was worse than the first time although the first time was more 'serious'. It was worse because I was so close to the person sitting on the other side of me and I had to keep my body relaxed as it happened in case I gave away what was happening. I couldn't get out. He was on the end and wouldn't let me out. I would have had to walk over loads of people in the opposite direction in the dark. And in my mind I was stupidly thinking about not disrupting other people. I don't know why.
Anyway a break came and I asked to swap seats with a friend. After this he never touched me again.
I put the incidents neatly away in my brain. I totally internalised it. I reasoned I was used to it. I had gone through worse with my SD so it didn't count.
I was certain no one would believe me. Everyone loved this guy. He had been at the company for years. I had been there a few months. He was outgoing, and charismatic. I was withdrawn, quiet. My female manager above him loved him. He was invited to her wedding.
In my mind there were loads of attractive, good looking girls who actually wanted to go out with him, then there's me, plain fucking jane, trying NOT to get noticed and I got singled out. Like who tf would actually believe he would go out of his way to target me, when he could pick and choose any of the girls the guys were always talking about?
I would never have spoken up in a million years. The thought was so scary I squashed it before it could even take shape. Plus I didn't want more drama in my life. I didn't want to go back to being broke, what if I got no reference etc. I wasn't qualified for anything else.
At the time, I just remember being on autopilot. He was perfectly nice to me afterwards as well.
It took therapy decades later for me to see how wrong it was. I felt huge anger when I looked back. I was also angry at myself for letting him get away with it.
Now there's no way in hell I'd let a man get away with that with me. But at that age with my previous experiences and no support I can see why I felt so powerless.
What does chill me most was that this guy seemed to know he could do it to me He seemed to know I was vulnerable. I had been abused before and somehow it left a trace he could sniff out. We hardly had any convo and yet he boldly selected me out to abuse me. He obviously had a huge ego and sense of invincibility.
I'm at peace with this now as much as I'm ever going to be, able to be matter of fact about it most times, but this HW case has really hit home. His entitled behaviour and that of men like him in positions of power really its all the same. They are a type these 'men'.
So yes it happens at every level. I daresay there are plenty of women putting up with abuse so they can feed themselves and their children and avoid being sanctioned. Sanctioning is cruel and leaves women in need of benefits potentially more at risk of such shite.