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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who here BU out of us

87 replies

DammitAllNamesAreTaken · 06/10/2017 00:12

DCs 7th birthday coming up soon

I will try to give each persons view without giving details on who said it.

Person 1
Last year Child had lots of presents to open over Christmas from us totalling around £100 including a medium Lego set, pyjamas, and a few other bits)
Lego set for 6th birthday from us
From family - Computer game, board games, money which goes in bank
Throughout year has had various gifts- fidget spinners, toy car, football, football team plaque, a few Lego purchases including base plate and the cup where you pick n mix

Has a meal out in a chain restaurant roughly every two weeks with dessert such as ice cream and gets biscuits or chocolate once a week
Goes on holidays and days out
Is spoilt due to the above

Person 2
Wants to buy a Nintendo switch
Thinks DC doesn't get a value / big presents in year apart from xmas and birthdays
At DCs age - they don't understand the logistics around going to work and paying for things
Child doesn't actually ask for big presents

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 06/10/2017 04:29

I can't imagine any universe where POV1 would be considered spoilt. Quite the opposite in fact.

Ploppie4 · 06/10/2017 04:37

I don’t quite get person 2s opinion. It’s like you’ve mixed up pros and cons in one paragraph. Can’t you just tell us properly what the discussion was? How it rolled out?

100 pounds worth of presents at xmas and birthday with no big gift in between is perfectly fine and dandy.

Reppin · 06/10/2017 04:48

Days out, holidays and eating out definitely doesn't mean your child is spoilt. Yes, they are lucky compared to many kids, but surely this is more about quality family time? My children were properly spoilt, my DH gave them anything they ever wanted. I ddn't much like it at the time, but guess what, they are still lovely, lovely people. So generous and kind. So I guess all that attention and material things didn't spoil them after all.

graziemille · 06/10/2017 04:56

I'd get them the lot!
Then everyone's happySmile

Ploppie4 · 06/10/2017 04:58

Group the xmas/birthday cash together and buy a Nintendo?

Ploppie4 · 06/10/2017 04:59

Days and meals out don’t factor as they are the norm and can be as cheap or as expensive as you like.

BumWad · 06/10/2017 04:59

Your original post wasn’t very clear but after clarification person 1 is BU

GnomeDePlume · 06/10/2017 05:12

Holidays and meals out are family things not gifts to the child. It isnt like you would leave the child at home while the rest of the family went away or out.

Money in the bank doesnt mean a lot to a young child

Pyjamas are clothes, not really so much of a present, more seasonal clothes buying.

Football is a hobby, the benefit to the child is the parental time spent on it rather than the money paid for it. If other parts of family life are suffering because of the time being spent then cut back on it.

For young children who dont get pocket money then small gifts between christmas and birthday are fine. Perhaps start to look to giving pocket money so that the child learns to budget and starts to understand about saving up for the things they really want.

Is the intention that the switch should be an inbetween present? Is it just for the child or a gift all the family will use?

keepcalmandfuckon · 06/10/2017 05:18

To add, I don't consider pyjamas a gift. Surely you'd buy your child pyjamas to sleep in anyway? Hmm

JoandMax · 06/10/2017 05:19

From what I can make of your post I'm going with person 1 being unreasonable.

Meals out/holidays are surely your decision and are for the whole family not just the one child? And I wouldn't say that's an excessive amount of stuff to receive in a year.........

If you can afford and think they'd enjoy the Nintendo then I don't see the rationale for not getting it. 6/7 year olds, whilst starting to understand about money, don't really compare value in the same way we do as adults.

Spoilt children come from parents who never say no, never have to say please and thank you etc. as long as you're bringing them up to be grateful and respectful to others why not treat them when you can?

Needalifeoverhaul · 06/10/2017 05:28

I understand the post OP perfectly. Person 1 is definitely b u. The dc isn't spoilt due to those things! They're just normal things people do with/for their dcs throughout the course of a year! As for the 'so many typos' sarcastic comment, my posts normally contain more than a few too! Smile

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/10/2017 05:33

Person 1ibu. Your ds in not spoilt. That’s a nasty thing to say.

As others have said, most examples are family things and hobbies. An occasional toy as a reward or just because is a good thing. Just not all the time.

My dd does lots of activities. It would never occur to me to say she gets very little on special occasions because she has the money throughout the year.

The older a child gets, the easier it is to understand the concept of waiting for special occasions so we don’t buy her much in between times. But if she needs new rugby boots etc, we buy them for her.

I do tend to try to give her new clothes for her hobbies where possible because it makes Christmas and birthdays more special. So amongst other presents, she got riding boots for her birthday and jodhpurs at Christmas We take her out for meals less than fortnightly. But our spends on her hobbies are very high and going out for a meal is of a lesser priority to us as a family.

If my dd wanted an expensive video game, I would buy it if I could afford to do so.

Needalifeoverhaul · 06/10/2017 05:35

Sorry sohurt I've just reread and realised you meant your own post had too many typos not OPs!! God, I'm crap sometimes. Apologies again...I'll read stuff more carefully in future!Blush

Kittymum03 · 06/10/2017 05:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

XiCi · 06/10/2017 05:48

Why on earth would a child be spoilt by having a meal out once a week and a biscuit once a week. Bizarre. When I read this it sounded almost nasty, as if the child should be very thankful about this when it's a normal family activity. Also pyjamas are not a present. You should be buying them nightwear as a matter of course and not many children care about money in their account.
From what you have said I would agree with p2. that it would be nice for them to have a big present to open on Xmas day if you have the money

flumpybear · 06/10/2017 06:07

The child doesn’t sound spoilt at all - I’m with person 2. If he doesn’t ask for big presents give him less for Christmas

MinervaSaidThat · 06/10/2017 06:13

OP is obviously person 1.

Only parents know if child even wants a Switch. Person 2 probably wants to play it themselves.

shakingmyhead1 · 06/10/2017 06:17

anything big in our house that the children want is discussed between all the family, and money is given towards the item, then the children have to save any extra money to afford the item, makes them appreciate the item more and use it more... my daughter was given a ipod, she was careless with it and when told to be more responsible her reply was its ok nana will get me another one... family told she was becoming a bit of a brat and family started to see the problem when issue was explained ( was ongoing and took a while to get them to understand) so now when she or Mr 9 wants a big toy they give cash instead and maybe something else small, so far Mr 9 has saved for a Xbox one and a samsung tablet and he uses them more and looks after them, where as his old 2nd hand xbox he wasnt the best with and left the games laying all over the floor etc, the teenager now saves and gets the items she wants and looks after them, at the moment it is driving lessons, because she has to pay for them she doesnt miss them as its "her" money thats going to waste now.
Not sure if that helps either side of the argument but thats how we do it, we still buy normal gifts and treats but big things they have to save a bit them selves

FittonTower · 06/10/2017 06:23

A biscuit once a week? That's gonna make the child spoiled? My poor kids can have a biscuit after school every day- they're gonna grow up to be terrible terrible people. Or Tories.

Shadow666 · 06/10/2017 06:30

I can’t even be bothered with it all.

Does he want a Switch? Can you afford a Switch? Will it get played with a lot?

If yes, get him a Switch. If no, get him something else.

MamaOfTwos · 06/10/2017 06:35

Having a nice lifestyle akin to 'person 1' is not spoilt, it's what most people would love to give to their kids. Person 1 is a miserable cunt & a cup of Lego as a treat doesn't outweigh 'big' birthday gifts if they're within family finances!

SuperBeagle · 06/10/2017 06:41

Both are being unreasonable. Ask the kid what they want, and then get that, assuming it's reasonable and affordable.

AtHomeDadGlos · 06/10/2017 06:50

Parent 1 (you) IBU. Pyjamas for Xmas? That’s shit.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 06/10/2017 06:51

Sad to think when the kid is in pizza express, one of his parents is thinking about how spoilt he is.

If it's what Is wanted and can be afforded, I'd get the Nintendo. Doesn't sound spoilt.

RebootYourEngine · 06/10/2017 06:51

I feel a bit sorry for this child. They are spoilt because they go out for meals & get a biscuit or some chocolate once a week. Really??Confused

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