Who here BU out of us

[DammitAllNamesAreTaken]

DCs 7th birthday coming up soon

I will try to give each persons view without giving details on who said it.

Person 1
Last year Child had lots of presents to open over Christmas from us totalling around £100 including a medium Lego set, pyjamas, and a few other bits)
Lego set for 6th birthday from us
From family - Computer game, board games, money which goes in bank
Throughout year has had various gifts- fidget spinners, toy car, football, football team plaque, a few Lego purchases including base plate and the cup where you pick n mix

Has a meal out in a chain restaurant roughly every two weeks with dessert such as ice cream and gets biscuits or chocolate once a week
Goes on holidays and days out
Is spoilt due to the above

Person 2
Wants to buy a Nintendo switch
Thinks DC doesn't get a value / big presents in year apart from xmas and birthdays
At DCs age - they don't understand the logistics around going to work and paying for things
Child doesn't actually ask for big presents

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

I am guessing the lack of an update means op is person 1

[Reppin]

Why will giving a child video games make them stupid and lazy Ttbb?

[TeenTimesTwo]

A child isn't spoilt by being given gifts per se.

A child is spoilt if they are ungrateful of the gifts, uncaring about looking after them, forever demanding more. etc.

That said Nintendo Switches are £££ aren't they? If you are spending that much at age 7 I dread to think how much the teen years will cost!

Like a PP we have done expensive electronics as a 'family present' which means we are more able to control use.

I don't think either are BU, apart from Parent1 for considering child spoilt when you haven't presented any evidence.

[existentialmoment]

Is spoilt due to the above

I don;t get this. Parent thinks their child is "spoilt" because they get presents on their birthday/Xmas and goes out for dinner sometimes?

[Ttbb]

Both. What person 1 has described is normal parenting, wouldn't spoil s child.
Person 2 is unreasonable for wanting to buy a child a video game-do they want the child to be stupid and lazy?

[TimetohittheroadJack]

Children aren't spoilt because they eat out, go on great holiday or get lots of money spent on them at Christmas, children are spoilt if they expect/demand these things, or have tantrums if they don't get them.

The amount of 'stuff' your children get is proportional to how much money you have as a family. But as long as they are grateful, kind and thoughtful (as least some of the time), they are not spoilt.

[YeahButNo]

Wouldn't these also apply to the child, even from Person 2's perspective?

I assume extended family will also give him gifts, and he will eat out every 2 weeks?

From family - Computer game, board games, money which goes in bank
Throughout year has had various gifts- fidget spinners, toy car, football, football team plaque, a few Lego purchases including base plate and the cup where you pick n mix

Has a meal out in a chain restaurant roughly every two weeks with dessert such as ice cream and gets biscuits or chocolate once a week
Goes on holidays and days out
Is spoilt due to the above

[Penny4UrThoughts]

I'm confused.

Does the child behave as if they are spoiled? Are they demanding/refuse to accept the word 'no'? Is there something about their behaviour that leads person one to say that the child is spoiled?

Because it's not about what the child gets that makes them spoiled, it's about what the child expects and how they react.

[littlechou]

OP I’d really love it if you could just explain who said what instead of a guessing game for who’s who. Maybe I haven’t woken up properly yet but I’m still struggling a little with the OP

[Fluffyunicorns]

I would go with 2 - 1 does not seem spoilt to me. I have always thought that spoilt is actually nothing to do with how much they get as that depends on the parental income. It depends on their attitude to what they get and what they expect. They can be 'spoilt' and get little if they demand and are not grateful and the little is unaffordable to the parent and can be 'unspoilt' and get a lot if they are grateful, appreciate the gift and don't expect/demand it. Only you will know if your own child is spoilt!

[NobodyKnowsMeAtAll]

Neither is wrong. Neither is being unreasonable. Two people have different viewpoints - probably based from different life experiences/upbringings/expectations.

Just sit down and talk about it.


(FWIW DH is one of 8. So Christmas's were one present each. Birthdays were the big thing in hi)s house - but still not enormous as they did not have loads of money. My upbringing, birthdays were "smaller" and Christmas was the big thing.

[Runningpear]

Person number 1 is being stingy & mean spirited unless they are skint. Pyjamas, biscuits and a plate = spoilt?? Not in my book, I would argue pyjamas are actually essentials they must provide for their kids.

[GrumpyOldBag]

None of this is really relevant without knowing how the child behaves.

Is he polite, thoughtful, says please and thank you, sociable to adults & children?

Or selfish, prone to tantrums, grabby, demanding and whiny?

Bringing up a child is about far more than what stuff you buy them.

[SquitMcJit]

why not treat your child to £100 worth of Xmas presents and a big birthday goat?

Excellent advice from sohurt . We should all get all dcs a big birthday goat.

[Cath2907]

That kid is not spoilt (unless we are all massively missing something). Mine gets that package of perfectly normal family stuff and a better collection of birthday / Xmas prezzies!

Buy your kid what they would want not something BIG just for the sake of it or something small because one of you thinks a 7yr old should show more gratitude. 7yr olds don’t do gratitude, that doesn’t make them spoiled!

[Mintychoc1]

Biscuits or chocolate once a week? Blimey that's harsh . Person 1 is seriously mean!

[MGKROCKS]

Being a spoilt child ,I thought ,implies a brat demanding things all the time ,with bad attitude,it is up to parents to determine how many gifts a child has,as long as the gifts are appreciated I don't see a problem,if gifts are not appreciated,then you have a spoilt child.

[MGKROCKS]

That's a lot less gifts than most / all my friends give their kids.definitely not spoilt....

[KurriKurri]

I think the definition of spoilt as 'having toys and treats' is a bit misleading.
I know lots of lovely children who have these things and some spoilt children who have less.
'Spoilt' to me is the expectation of being given things on demand, ingratitude for presents, expectation of being the centre of attention 24/7, being inconsiderate of others and their needs, throwing wobblies when demands aren;t instantly met.

I wouldn't count a regular meal out and family days out and holidays as 'spoiling' some children have these some don;t, but they are part of normal family life, so unless everyone who attend the days out and meals (ie the parents) are prepared to forego having birthdya presents then this isn;t even a consideration.

Biscuits once a week sounds quite restrained. Nice pyjamas are good but they and food are also purchases that are to be expected - feeding and clothing your child is a basic duty of parenthood - how you do it is neither here nor there. if you are struggling for money, cut out the two weekly meal out make it once a month or whatever.

if the child's birthday is in October then that is nine months (if you include Christmas) that person one feels they shouldn't ever have a gift. Most parents buy thier kids small gifts throughout the year and save a major purchase for birthdays.

I would consider a fidget spinner, a small car etc. small gifts. Does the adult in question never have small gifts apart from on birthdays? (a drink out, a book, a magazine, small, not strictly necessary items ?)

I don't know what Nintendo switch is or how much it costs (I am old !) but if this is what the child wants then a birthday is the time to get it (if it is very expemsive then maybe he could put some of his birthday money towards it). If he hasn;t asked for it, then I'd check that is what he really wants beofre spending out. (By the sound of it another lego set would be well received).


Spoilt is a frame of mind. If your child is kind and polite, receives gifts with gratitude and thanks and doesn't 'expect' and demand massively expensive items beyond your budget, or doesn't accept that some things are beyond your means, then he won't be spoilt.

[5rivers7hills]

Engaging in normal reasonably affluent family activities such as going on holiday and eating out doesn’t mean you are spoilt.

Get the kid the Nintendo switch.

[Ceto]

Person 1 is BU. None of that makes the child spoilt.

[Shadow666]

I thought the OP was person 2.

I agree the idea of 100 pounds on Christmas presents being excessive is pretty laughable. Have you seen the piles some kids get? It’s crazy.

[LovelyPrep]

Poor kid! Person 1 sounds a bit odd. £100 on Christmas presents isn't excessive at all and certainly shouldn't mean the kid doesn't get a good birthday present the following year!
The child doesn't sound spoilt.

[pasturesgreen]

Why not just say whether you're person 1 or 2 and be done with it, OP?

Anyway, person 1 is BU and their life sounds remarkably sad and devoid of fun. Biscuits once a week?! FFS!