Who here BU out of us

[DammitAllNamesAreTaken]

DCs 7th birthday coming up soon

I will try to give each persons view without giving details on who said it.

Person 1
Last year Child had lots of presents to open over Christmas from us totalling around £100 including a medium Lego set, pyjamas, and a few other bits)
Lego set for 6th birthday from us
From family - Computer game, board games, money which goes in bank
Throughout year has had various gifts- fidget spinners, toy car, football, football team plaque, a few Lego purchases including base plate and the cup where you pick n mix

Has a meal out in a chain restaurant roughly every two weeks with dessert such as ice cream and gets biscuits or chocolate once a week
Goes on holidays and days out
Is spoilt due to the above

Person 2
Wants to buy a Nintendo switch
Thinks DC doesn't get a value / big presents in year apart from xmas and birthdays
At DCs age - they don't understand the logistics around going to work and paying for things
Child doesn't actually ask for big presents

[velocitygir1]

It’s a modern day Dickens novel kid isn’t spoilt...he’s just a kid, can only be as spoilt as parents and relatives let him be.

I’d get the switch! My kids can eat what the fuck they want (quantities and times within reason) rationing biscuits and chocolate seems odd to me and a bit extreme. Child is no way spoilt.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

The smaller gifts are okay, and they may get a lot of them (though it's not a lot from the ones you've listed in your post), but a child should always have a big, main present at Christmas and birthday.

I mean... few 6 year olds are excited to receive pyjamas, so you can count them out, and fidget spinner/football/toy car are unlikely to be over £5 so don't count so much either.

Going off said child's list, I think it's really tight actually and I feel quite sorry for them. You're only a kid once*.

*If there are money issues, obviously all this can be ignored.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Person 1 sounds a bit petty and calculating I think - pyjamas are not a gift, dinners out with dessert a biscuit and chocolate once a week , saves his birthday money. So basically the child gets a medium Lego set, is allowed go on holidays and dinners chosen for the family, a bit of cheap tat throughout the year, has to save his birthday money and let's not forget the biscuit and board games from other people

I don't know about video games so once the thing is suitable and you can afford it then forget all the petty shit, put away your note pad person 1. You can teach a 7 year old to be grateful, teach them the value of money over time (probably best by letting him spend some of his own money) but he has his whole life to teach him the value of working, don't be a joy sucker ffs

[Bluntness100]

Person one is not just unreasonable they are horrible. That kid is not spoilt based on what’s written, that’s just normal stuff. Crappy small gifts, dinner out every couple of weeks and only gets chocolate once a week. That’s a kid on a tight leash.

Person 2 is right and needs to kick person one the fuck out before they damage the child.

Spoilt. Ffs.

[BeyondThePage]

I think both are a bit U.

The child is not spoilt.

but... we would never buy our kids a video game - it does not fit the dynamic in our house - we'd have a "family present" of a video game for all of us - it lives in the living room, not the bedroom, cannot be played on at will etc, makes for less "screen time" related arguments if it does not belong to them.

Would ask the child what they want for Christmas - that is part of the fun surely - having that chance of getting what you want.

[Bluntness100]

I feel a bit sorry for this child

I also feel sorry for the child. One of those parents has significant issues. And they are their issues not the child’s. Who thinks a kid is spoiled based on that crappy list of normality. Something wrong with person one. And person two needs to deal with it to protect the child.

[SnowiestMountain]

Person 1 IBU and sounds a bit mean if they are financially OK

[Outlookmainlyfair]

It depends so much on what you can afford! A child does not get spoilt from large gifts per se, it is the attitude and the values that accompany the gifts and the feelings of entitlement or not.

[Quartz2208]

Unless there is a massive financial bit missing he is not spoilt it sounds normal

But do you have other dc as I agree for us something like that would be a family Christmas present for everyone to enjoy

[formerbabe]

The "person number one" description doesn't sound like the child is spoilt. Seems like a perfectly normal amount of gifts. The Christmas and birthday gifts don't sound excessive, if anything, they sound fairly modest. The odd gift throughout the year like the toy cars, fidget spinners etc also sound normal. I don't buy my DC big gifts randomly but I often let them choose something under a fiver if we're shopping...most people do, don't they?

[formerbabe]

Lego set for 6th birthday from us

This doesn't sound like much. Was it one of those massive sets?
I'm on a budget but would still get more than that for one of my DC's birthdays.

[LovelyPrep]

Poor kid! Person 1 sounds a bit odd. £100 on Christmas presents isn't excessive at all and certainly shouldn't mean the kid doesn't get a good birthday present the following year!
The child doesn't sound spoilt.

[pasturesgreen]

Why not just say whether you're person 1 or 2 and be done with it, OP?

Anyway, person 1 is BU and their life sounds remarkably sad and devoid of fun. Biscuits once a week?! FFS!

[Shadow666]

I thought the OP was person 2.

I agree the idea of 100 pounds on Christmas presents being excessive is pretty laughable. Have you seen the piles some kids get? It’s crazy.

[Ceto]

Person 1 is BU. None of that makes the child spoilt.

[5rivers7hills]

Engaging in normal reasonably affluent family activities such as going on holiday and eating out doesn’t mean you are spoilt.

Get the kid the Nintendo switch.

[KurriKurri]

I think the definition of spoilt as 'having toys and treats' is a bit misleading.
I know lots of lovely children who have these things and some spoilt children who have less.
'Spoilt' to me is the expectation of being given things on demand, ingratitude for presents, expectation of being the centre of attention 24/7, being inconsiderate of others and their needs, throwing wobblies when demands aren;t instantly met.

I wouldn't count a regular meal out and family days out and holidays as 'spoiling' some children have these some don;t, but they are part of normal family life, so unless everyone who attend the days out and meals (ie the parents) are prepared to forego having birthdya presents then this isn;t even a consideration.

Biscuits once a week sounds quite restrained. Nice pyjamas are good but they and food are also purchases that are to be expected - feeding and clothing your child is a basic duty of parenthood - how you do it is neither here nor there. if you are struggling for money, cut out the two weekly meal out make it once a month or whatever.

if the child's birthday is in October then that is nine months (if you include Christmas) that person one feels they shouldn't ever have a gift. Most parents buy thier kids small gifts throughout the year and save a major purchase for birthdays.

I would consider a fidget spinner, a small car etc. small gifts. Does the adult in question never have small gifts apart from on birthdays? (a drink out, a book, a magazine, small, not strictly necessary items ?)

I don't know what Nintendo switch is or how much it costs (I am old !) but if this is what the child wants then a birthday is the time to get it (if it is very expemsive then maybe he could put some of his birthday money towards it). If he hasn;t asked for it, then I'd check that is what he really wants beofre spending out. (By the sound of it another lego set would be well received).


Spoilt is a frame of mind. If your child is kind and polite, receives gifts with gratitude and thanks and doesn't 'expect' and demand massively expensive items beyond your budget, or doesn't accept that some things are beyond your means, then he won't be spoilt.

[MGKROCKS]

That's a lot less gifts than most / all my friends give their kids.definitely not spoilt....

[MGKROCKS]

Being a spoilt child ,I thought ,implies a brat demanding things all the time ,with bad attitude,it is up to parents to determine how many gifts a child has,as long as the gifts are appreciated I don't see a problem,if gifts are not appreciated,then you have a spoilt child.

[Mintychoc1]

Biscuits or chocolate once a week? Blimey that's harsh . Person 1 is seriously mean!

[Cath2907]

That kid is not spoilt (unless we are all massively missing something). Mine gets that package of perfectly normal family stuff and a better collection of birthday / Xmas prezzies!

Buy your kid what they would want not something BIG just for the sake of it or something small because one of you thinks a 7yr old should show more gratitude. 7yr olds don’t do gratitude, that doesn’t make them spoiled!

[SquitMcJit]

why not treat your child to £100 worth of Xmas presents and a big birthday goat?

Excellent advice from sohurt . We should all get all dcs a big birthday goat.

[GrumpyOldBag]

None of this is really relevant without knowing how the child behaves.

Is he polite, thoughtful, says please and thank you, sociable to adults & children?

Or selfish, prone to tantrums, grabby, demanding and whiny?

Bringing up a child is about far more than what stuff you buy them.

[Runningpear]

Person number 1 is being stingy & mean spirited unless they are skint. Pyjamas, biscuits and a plate = spoilt?? Not in my book, I would argue pyjamas are actually essentials they must provide for their kids.