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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to let their dog stay at Christmas

121 replies

HoHoN0 · 05/10/2017 20:24

Firstly sorry for mentioning Christmas so early and sorry for the long post! We had been hoping for a fairly low key Christmas this year after having a very stressful year. Rather than offering to do Christmas (as we usually do) we thought we would play things by ear and see what family were doing. So far so good.

Earlier this week I found out that apparently sil has decided that she, her partner, son and dog will be arriving the day before Christmas Eve. Mil and her partner will arrive the next day and they will all stay until Boxing Day, we don't live close so sleeping over is the only option. We weren't asked about this, or if it would be ok.

Now, although I am really pissed off that no one thought it appropriate to ask me, I am prepared to have 5 guests for Christmas and cook for them all even though it means cooking traditional and veggie meals. We have two dogs (pretty well behaved if a little boisterous) but their dog is badly trained and can't be left alone with our two. I have said to dh that I don't want their dog to come as it will be hectic enough with 7 of us (including an excited 8 year old and an unstable elderly man with altzheimers). Dh has asked mil to suggest the dog does not come but doesn't seem confident. Sil is used to getting her own way and overreacts so mil and dh are wary of annoying her. She has been incredibly rude to dh in the past and she hasn't exactly been grateful when they have stayed with us in the past. Am I being unreasonable to insist that the dog can't stay?

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 05/10/2017 20:48

Perfectly reasonable to say no to the dog , I don't allow dogs here because my dog is very picky about who he will tolerate and I don't take my dog to my mums house because one of her dogs would start a fight and mine would probably kill her ( she's old and small , he's fit and double her weight )

giraffesarefab · 05/10/2017 20:48

It's all or nothing. If you agree to have everyone, that means everyone including dogs, so you either accept that or send mybrilliantdisguise''s message and see what happens.

To be honest, after a stressful year and planning to have a quiet Christmas, your sil sounds like the exact opposite of what you want. Tell sil to have her parents and you will arrive the day after boxing day, check into a hotel (somewhere to escape to!) and you can all have a nice festive time together then - and stick to it!!!

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/10/2017 20:48

What kind of dog is it btw?

Its a CF dog

rookiemere · 05/10/2017 20:49

Your problem was not being direct in the first place.

If you didn't want people to come for Christmas then rather than umming and ahhing and saying you'd see how things were, you should have said straight up that you don't want to host this year.

Now why are you asking MIL to tell SIL not to bring her dog? Phone her up or email her - actually email her - and say no dog. Or preferably say that you prefer a quiet Christmas on your own this year, like you actually want to have.

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/10/2017 20:49

Why should it be all or nothing?

It's her house. Of course she can say I can accommodate you but I am afraid you'll need to kennel the dog if you do want to come.

TheGuffalo · 05/10/2017 20:52

I hope Dh is in charge of meals as he is allowing CFD and family over

Happyperson123 · 05/10/2017 20:52

Can't they put the dog in the kennels as every other responsible pet owner would do when on holiday.

I'd never dream of taking our dogs to someone else's house.

I think it's a cheek.

dudsville · 05/10/2017 20:53

You may be declining that whole wing of the family if you say boo to the dog. Getting a sitter at that time of year so be hard. Could you bit put a barrier up and confine it to a room? We occasionally have family over whose dog does not like other dogs and we manage through careful observation and respect and love.

Original poster

HoHoN0 · 05/10/2017 20:53

We normally alternate between hosting my family and DH's, not set in stone but generally what has been done. We are happy to spend Christmas with mil, she has been unwell this year and dh has been very worried, but if we have mil it is expected that we will also have sil and co. I'm feeling trapped and that I have no option to say no without coming across as a bitch.

My parents have a dog which stays in kennels when they come. Sil's dog is nice but very excitable which winds up our dogs. And three overexcited big dogs charging around the house traipsing mud everywhere is more than I can cope with.

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 05/10/2017 20:54

Because anyone with a dog will either take it or put to kennels and they won't want to put it to kennels over Xmas. Dog is part of the family. This what I was saying if op says no to the dog the family probably won't come. So then the OP will (probably) feel guilty. Even though she shouldn't. I just think really, it's one sodding dog.
Last year I had 16 people, 2 alsations and one cocker. It was fine and the cocker (mine) doesn't get on with the alsations. But it was ok

Whisky2014 · 05/10/2017 20:55

So tell everyone not to fuss the dog and wind it up. This is exactly what happens with the alsations and cocker. Cocker is old and the alsations are 3 but just love the cocker. It's crazy for 30 mins then they all settle down.

Ummmmgogo · 05/10/2017 20:57

I see. I'm not a dog lover so genuinely didn't see the difference between 2 and 3 dogs. tell them to leave it at home then xx

BewareOfDragons · 05/10/2017 20:57

Tell your DH to grow a fucking backbone and tell his family that while you've decided to overlook the fact that they rudely invited themselves, they're welcome to come (if that's true), but the dog isn't. End of.

Witsender · 05/10/2017 20:58

It would be a definite no from me. You are already going beyond where I would go with allowing them to come at all. They can use a kennels.

paxillin · 05/10/2017 20:58

Tell her not to come. If you want to invite, you can tell her no dog, she is then free to decide if it would be a deal-breaker. If it is, well...

Ropsleybunny · 05/10/2017 20:59

FFS tell the whole lot of them that you're not doing Christmas this year and they can all fuck off.

MatildaTheCat · 05/10/2017 21:02

No. Just no. Stop the Chinese whispers with mil having a word etc, just email and say you cannot cope with the dog plus all the guests and she needs to make other arrangements.

With a bit of luck they will stay at home with the spirited dog.

Original poster

HoHoN0 · 05/10/2017 21:04

Thanks for your comments. I know I should have just said we are not doing Christmas but Dh kind of overrode that and I feel guilty as mil has been unwell. Sil and co are travelling by ferry and car so it is all quite a big production. We have had the dog before (at a different time of year) and it slept in the kitchen but scratched the doors. There is no spare room for the dog to stay in as all the spare rooms will be used for bedrooms. It also means that our dogs keep trying to get in to play.

OP posts:

Mittens1969 · 05/10/2017 21:05

I’d have thought there’s plenty of time to book the dog into kennels? That’s apparently what the MIL is going to do. Anyway it’s not really your problem, OP. You say they either book their dog into kennels or stay at home with it. They then decide.

You need to contact SIL directly though, OP.

HeebieJeebies456 · 05/10/2017 21:06

I'm feeling trapped and that I have no option to say no without coming across as a bitch

Stop being a doormat and people won't walk all over you then!

TELL sil yourself that her dog is not allowed....if she gives you any crap tell her she's a rude, entitled CF and you're taking back the invite you never gave her.
Nobody else, not even your husband, gives shit about inconveniencing and ruining things for YOU....so why do you keep holding them all up on a pedestal?

People only take the piss out of you because you give them permission.

Santawontbelong · 05/10/2017 21:08

Tell them you have booked a restaurant for you, dh and mil as a surprise for mil. Or you would have loved to have them all. .

Roystonv · 05/10/2017 21:08

Long time dog owner of many types. It is madness to say you should be able to cope with the dog. Your mind will constantly be worrying what it is up to, it will almost certainly cause a ruckus just when you want to concentrate on cooking, present opening etc. and you have quite enough to cope with already.

Original poster

HoHoN0 · 05/10/2017 21:09

I know the Chinese whispers are daft but dh and mil are scared to upset her. I think I will go with I happy to host but the dog can't come. Frankly the house isn't bit enough for it all!

OP posts:

IdaDown · 05/10/2017 21:10

You better tell them (or better still by email) to kennel the dogs asap.

Round here the kennels are already filling up for Christmas/New Year holiday period.

They won't get a booking if they leave it much longer.

BelleandBeast · 05/10/2017 21:12

You started by saying you wanted a low key christmas.

Then this:
^Earlier this week I found out that apparently sil has decided that she, her partner, son and dog will be arriving the day before Christmas Eve. Mil and her partner will arrive the next day and they will all stay until Boxing Day, we don't live close so sleeping over is the only option. We weren't asked about this, or if it would be ok. ^

How did you find out??

You let yourselves be walked all over. I would not be having this.

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