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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you have a 'best friend'....

98 replies

HoldingBay · 04/10/2017 14:10

... it sounds like you're at primary school.

I know a few people who refer to their 'best friend'. Maybe it's just me, but I can't help but think it makes them sound like a child.

Why not just call them a close friend? What happens if they start to drift apart from their best friend, at what point do they suddenly stop being the 'best friend' and do they need to bagsy another one quick?

Disclaimer: I only have a few real friends, some are closer than others, and none really qualify for a 'best friend' so I may well be envious!

OP posts:

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 04/10/2017 14:19

I actually don't know anyone who says 'best friend'.
I know people who use the phrase 'One of my best friends' (usually when they want to prove a point, as in 'One of my best friends is a guy!') but never 'my best friend Alice'. I do agree it does sound slightly odd. But again, I don't have a best friend, so many I am also jealous!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/10/2017 14:23

People on mumsnet are always sneery about the term best friend. I think they're probably jealous tbh otherwise why would you care

Ttbb · 04/10/2017 14:25

I just think of it as interchangeable with my closest friend.

Nancy91 · 04/10/2017 14:26

I have a best friend. It does seem like envy but at least you've acknowledged that.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 04/10/2017 14:26

Women tend to keep friends for life, right from school days. They are the freinds that know you best, are your closest frineds, who have grown withyou, seen you at your worst and on your highs. They are distinguishable from the acquaintances you pick up along the way.

Bonkerz · 04/10/2017 14:28

At nearly 40 now my ‘best friends’ have become family so I refer to them as my sisters!

Original poster

HoldingBay · 04/10/2017 14:31

My issue is this: Someone you know and like and you consider a friend says they have a best friend and then you think 'oh ok then, I now know I can never be that close to you because that top slot is already taken'.

Why have that distinction? Why create tiers of friends? Can't friendships change in time?

Yes I am jealous!

OP posts:

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 04/10/2017 14:32

I hate "besties" because of how cliquey it sounds.

PandorasXbox · 04/10/2017 14:33

I don’t know any adult women who use this phrase.

Dairymilkmuncher · 04/10/2017 14:33

Bonkerz I love that! I feel as if my close female friends are like sisters but I don't say it, I should though that's a lovely way to be.

I don't have one best friend and most of my very close friends are from different groups but I will refer to them and of them as my besties which is even more primary school but I don't care even my DP says you can't have that many but I think I can

UsernameInvalid66 · 04/10/2017 14:38

I used to have a friend who described me as her best friend, so I ended up using the phrase as well, because it seemed to mean a lot to her. However, our friendship eventually ended over a series of individually trivial things that all pointed towards her expecting me to devote most of my time and emotional energy to her. Since then, I tend to associate the term "best friend" with at least one of the friends being a bit too dependent on the friendship. But I think there are probably people who have genuinely been close to someone since they were very young and have a special relationship that they don't have with any of their other friends, so I wouldn't find it that weird it it was used in those circumstances.

RedBlackberries · 04/10/2017 14:43

I'm surprised. I have a best friend (the sort of person you both k ow will be maid of honour, Godmother without asking). I had no idea it sounds childish. We're not even in each other's pocket and I only see her every other month but we speak a lot.

Caulkheadupnorf · 04/10/2017 14:44

I say that my closest friend is one of my best friends. Closest makes it sound like we share everything and we don’t, but she is the person I call when the chips are down, and we see each other most days.

guilty100 · 04/10/2017 14:45

I used to say "best friend" thoughtlessly, but I've tried to stop because of exactly the issue you raise - I don't want to give the impression that the person in front of me is less important or lower ranked in any way; in fact, I'd like to have more close friends!

Couchpotato3 · 04/10/2017 14:45

I agree with OP - I have one friend who used to refer to her 'best friend X' in just about every conversation we had. It made me feel like an also ran and I found it rather rude. Interestingly she has stopped referring to her in the same way, and I can't help wondering if there has been a cooling off or falling out.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 04/10/2017 14:48

I don’t know any adult women who use this phrase.

@PandorasXbox Me neither. I am not sneery about it, I literally just don't know anyone who says 'best friend', so the thought of it is a bit odd.

squoosh · 04/10/2017 14:49

But I do have a best friend. Someone I’ve known for decades, shared a flat with for years, were there for each other’s life highlights and life crises of our 20s and 30s. I don’t see her as often as I used to due to circumstances changing but she knows all my secrets and would drop everything for me in a second, and vice versa.

I do not however post memes about best friends on Facebook!

PinkHeart5914 · 04/10/2017 14:50

I have a best friend, do I care if some people think that’s childish not really no.

It’s not a case of the “top stop” being filled and I’ve never thought that way about the term best friend

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 14:52

I have a best friend. The intensity of our relationship is deeper than that with my other close friends. Much more 'blood' like if that makes sense.

I probably do say 'my best friend Julie ' sometimes. Just like I might say 'my partner Chris' (not real names). It helps describe our relationship to other people e.g. Workmates. I don't think I would say "my best friend Julie" to other girl-friends.

backintown · 04/10/2017 14:54

I have 'best friends', several of them and might say 'I went to Spain last month to see one of my best friends'. I'd say I count maybe 4 people in that category.

I've never really thought about the turn of phrase, I don't think I'd want to swap it for 'closest' though as it sounds a bit weird to me. Also one of my best friends does live abroad - we don't share every day news, probably speak 6 times a year and see each other twice a year, so not as 'close' as we once were, he's still 'one of my best friends' though and always will be! Another of my best friends I've only known for 10 years (compared to 30 years), she is just someone I instantly clicked with and who is really important to me, so it is not as if there was a 'no vacancy' situation!

Saying that I would never post a 'best friend' meme, buy a card with a teddy bear on or use the word 'bestie', all of which wind me up no end, so perhaps I have massive double standards!!

Neoflex · 04/10/2017 14:56

Usually find if you have to emphasise "best friend" then probably best friends you aint.
It's like you wouldn't keep saying "my husband Steve" to everyone. If it's a stranger you say my DH or whatever. But after the honeymoon you're just gona start saying "Steve".

Unless someone is creepily hitting on you. Then you might wana throw in "my professional boxer cage-fighting husband Steve"

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 14:57

I hate "besties" because of how cliquey it sounds.

But it is cliquey.... like you have a photo taken at your hen do "lovely weekend with my besties" Well yeah, they are. What's wrong with that?

RoryItsSnowing · 04/10/2017 14:58

I use the term 'best friend' when talking about any one of my 6 closest friends, purely because it's less of a mouthful. Why do you care so much?!

KERALA1 · 04/10/2017 14:59

I agree OP. I slightly cringe when an adult uses the term it sounds like they will sit together at break, both fancy the same boy and have both chosen double art. I did have a best friend...at school. Even my 11 year old has abandoned the term now shes at secondary

chocatoo · 04/10/2017 15:00

I also find it very childlike. I think most adults have several close friends. I tend to be closer to some than others at different times. I can't abide 'bezzie'!!

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