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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you have a 'best friend'....

98 replies

HoldingBay · 04/10/2017 14:10

... it sounds like you're at primary school.

I know a few people who refer to their 'best friend'. Maybe it's just me, but I can't help but think it makes them sound like a child.

Why not just call them a close friend? What happens if they start to drift apart from their best friend, at what point do they suddenly stop being the 'best friend' and do they need to bagsy another one quick?

Disclaimer: I only have a few real friends, some are closer than others, and none really qualify for a 'best friend' so I may well be envious!

OP posts:

LadyinCement · 04/10/2017 15:00

I thought OP was BU - but then I changed my mind and agreed with her, when she mentioned the "ranking" situation. Yes, it does come across as rather rude if someone talks about their "best friend" when you are also their friend. It sounds a bit excluding .

I am still smarting (after some years!) from visiting a very good friend in her new flat and spotting a photo frame bearing the legend, "The Women in my Life." There were eight slots and I was not in it! I just never felt the friendship was the same, added to which that was a darned naff frame.

MadisonMontgomery · 04/10/2017 15:02

I have a best friend - we have been best friends since nursery, I’m not going to downgrade her just because we’re now adults.

RoryItsSnowing · 04/10/2017 15:03

Lady I think you're well rid of anyone who chooses a frame like that to have on display

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/10/2017 15:04

I have a best friend - and a man at that. The 'top spot' is filled, anybody else need not apply...

HazelBite · 04/10/2017 15:09

I always refer to "really good friends" ie my closest friends I would not use the expression "best friend" for the same reasons as the OP.

Cleanermaidcook · 04/10/2017 15:12

I have a best friend, we've been close all our lives, i'd describe her as "like my sister" but we don't live in each others pockets, we know where the other is if we ever need anything. I also have a couple of other friends who if i were describing i'd say " ... is one of my closest friends" I then have people I talk to/ acquaintances/people I know, these people sometimes become friends and sometimes don't as is the nature of things. Don't see the problem.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 04/10/2017 15:12

My best friend (male) died in August. Although I am lucky to have some close friends, I don’t think I’ll ever be fortunate enough to have another “best friend”. I agree the term can sound childish, but when you have a really special friend it does fit them.

DiegoMadonna · 04/10/2017 15:16

Yeah, it's not really a term I hear, but then again I have a very very close group of 6 friends (including me) and I don't think any of us are any closer to one particular person than anyone else, so maybe that's why I don't hear it.

speakout · 04/10/2017 15:17

I don't know anyone over the age of 14 who has a " best friend"

squoosh · 04/10/2017 15:20

I’m clearly still in touch with my inner 14 year old. Can’t be a bad thing.

CruCru · 04/10/2017 15:20

Yeah, I don’t like the term (and I refer to my son’s “particular friends” - partly because kids change their best friends like I change shoes). I associate the term with school-based cliques and cattiness (this is probably my issue though).

I’ve also hadn’t friends refer to me as their “best friend” which felt a bit weird.

DiegoMadonna · 04/10/2017 15:25

I guess if you only have one very close friend, then it's easy to have a "best friend".

The six of us have been friends since primary school and are all extremely close, so none of us has one "best" friend (as far as I know!!)

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 15:26

I don't know anyone over the age of 14 who has a " best friend"

How sad for them :-( It is one of the nicest things in the world to have an amazing person in your life who you have lots of fun with and just out and out enjoy their company (who also things you're amazing too).

squoosh · 04/10/2017 15:27

'I guess if you only have one very close friend, then it's easy to have a "best friend".'

There's actually a group of us. But only two of us have lived together. I think living with someone (friend or lover!) is something that bonds you closer or makes you run for the hills.

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 15:28

Going from lots of thread on here, most people don't have any actual friends, let alone a 'best friend'. Most people here don't seem to have any people they like spending time with or people who treat each other well. It is a shame.

jaseyraex · 04/10/2017 15:29

I have a best friend. I distinguish him as "best" because I still speak to him almost every day and still tell him personal things that I wouldn't tell anyone else (with the exception of DH nowadays). He's married with kids himself now and a SAHD and we meet up with the kids at least once a week. We met when we were 4 at the park on our street, went to primary/secondary school and uni together. We're very close and I love that, if anything happened to him I don't think I'd ever find anyone else I'd consider a best friend. I see how the term seems juvenile, but I think a lot of people meet best friends when they're young and it sticks.

DiegoMadonna · 04/10/2017 15:31

There's actually a group of us. But only two of us have lived together

Right, so you have one particularly close friend, like I said.

If you're not closer to anyone in particular in your group of friends (even though I've lived with two of mine and some of the others have lived together over the years too) then having a "best" friend just doesn't make sense.

BlueKarou · 04/10/2017 15:32

I have a best friend. I'm not particularly interested in having a huge social circle. I'm quite happy having that one position filled by someone I have known since I was 4 months old. I'm pretty confident I'm her best friend. I don't think that puts me on a higher rank than, say, her husband, but she's like me in that we're both happy to have a single best friend rather than a group of close friends.

If it suits someone but not others then there shouldn't be an issue with it. I don't see it as being childish, it's just how some people prefer to manage their social ties.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/10/2017 15:32

I have a best friend. The lengths we will go to to help each other out,look after each other and our children surpasses that of any other friends I have. To refer to her as “a close friend” seems a bit of an injustice to me!

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 15:33

'I guess if you only have one very close friend, then it's easy to have a "best friend".'

I've got a couple of really close friends - its still different to 'my BFF' tho.

squoosh · 04/10/2017 15:35

Right, so you have one particularly close friend, like I said.

No need to get arsey.

squoosh · 04/10/2017 15:38

I have many very close friends. Like I said.

QueenofallIsee · 04/10/2017 15:39

I have a few close friends that are definitely my besties, not a term I use really but what is wrong with having a defined group that you value and trust? If its cliquey then I am OK with that, I do not share my problems or trust people lightly. It would take someone special to come along and be part of that

Nancy91 · 04/10/2017 15:43

It's like calling someone your "boyfriend". It's a title for the relationship the two of you have. The relationship is different with your "best friend" to the rest of your close friends. They are your favourite friend. The person you would pick as maid of honour etc.

Makes sense to differentiate it, I always find it such a compliment when I'm singled out as best friend

uthredswife · 04/10/2017 15:43

I have a best friend. We've been best friends since we were 11. We have raised our kids at the same time and no-one other than my husband or mother know me or my children as well as she does. She has supported me through everything, we speak every single day and meet as often as possibly. When her baby was being giving the last rites I was beside her.

I have other close friends but she is my "soul mate" if i can say that without sounding cheesy. I don't go around calling her my best friend, if i'm talking about her i would just say my friend or maybe close friend if i'm trying to emphasis a point.

I feel very lucky to have her. I don't judge women who don't have a bestie though.

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