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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my toddler a bit of bread?

514 replies

ChequeredPasta · 03/10/2017 20:19

I imagine this has already been done to death, and would get the answer if I could be arsed to scroll...
At Waitrose the other day. Put a french bread stick in the trolley, which my toddler (2) saw, and started reaching for it. Told her no, to wait, but she is an untameable beast became upset. So..... I tore off the end and gave it to her BEFORE paying Shock One of the staff saw, and gave me a stinker of a look.

Now, my Mum used to do this with us. But, my Mum's understanding of social convention is.... interesting.
WIBU?!

OP posts:
chaseylayne76 · 05/10/2017 23:13

Regarding the theft idea. I used to work in a petrol station and we had people drive off/have no money etc all the time. The police would pay them a visit and inform them they had driven off and could you please pay, apparently that's not a crime. We've had people fill up and have no way of paying. We had to get a form filled in and a time when they would pay. Again not a crime. The only way we could take them to court was if we could prove they'd done it on purpose. So although potentially unethical even if the lady got to the tills with half a bread stick and no purse I really can't see the supermarket suing her and I'm sure once her child is older and can understand why it can't eat food before it's been paid for she will stop doing this. Its not something I would do, I have anxiety issues and would probably end up with an intimate body search because I looked like a shop lifter lol it's a bread stick, not a 7 course meal. Give the woman a break and stop acting like you're better than other people, your s**t still smells like everyone else's

wellymelly · 06/10/2017 00:15

FFS what a load of rubbish. If you are feeding your child plain baguette as a snack because they're hungry, I'd say you are setting a great example not giving them sweets and crisps like most normal people do. A 2 year old is unlikely to be having a tantrum over a baguette unless they're hungry or in need of comfort. What's a mum to do? Queue up to pay before returning to continue with shopping AGAIN? It's hard enough shopping with toddlers without having to worry about unreasonable people judging

bmbonanza · 06/10/2017 00:21

I always did this with my three and see no problem - keeps them happy and you pay the same amount whether its a whole stick or half. If they were thirsty I would give them some out of a drink too on the same principle.

stopgap · 06/10/2017 00:36

Totally, totally acceptable in the US. It took me a while to get used to that.

snackarella · 06/10/2017 00:39

I think it's fine and I'd do it.

All those saying you haven't paid for it, thats true also when you order food in a restaurant too but they don't go around making sure you have the means to pay before you order!

KrytensNanobots · 06/10/2017 01:16

All those saying you haven't paid for it, thats true also when you order food in a restaurant too but they don't go around making sure you have the means to pay before you order!

Not entirely the same thing. I mean you don't wander into the kitchen and mooch around helping yourself to the bread rolls do you just because you ordered soup and you can't wait until the soup comes out before you get your crusty sliced baguette fix.
You've ordered soup and bread, so you're technically paying for it, so what if you want it earlier?
Acceptable?

eastegg · 06/10/2017 01:54

Nofunk what are you asking me? What you've written doesn't make sense.

MrsWhatToDo · 06/10/2017 02:01

This has made me remember the the time my DS1 threw a huge screaming hissy over a lost dummy. He was only 5mths and to make things worse there was only one brand of dummy he would take. Thankfully i was in a shop I could get them. While standing in the huge line to pay (with a baby going red/blue/purple with crazy rage... and knowing he would stop and sleep once he had the blasted thing!) I decided to open it while I was queuing. However the packaging was welded teflon very very well glued Confused . So I had to fight my way into the packet making quite a scene, and was rewarded by immediate contented baby silence.
I can had on heart say not one person thought I was wrong to open it before hand. A shop assistant even offered to help. YANBU Small children don't understand the 'rules' of shopping yet. It's not like you were allowing your 11 year old to eat a Mars bar from a multipack before paying because they wouldn't shut up about it!

Abbylee · 06/10/2017 03:25

I used to allow my dc this. Maybe the store person had indigestion?

JanKind · 06/10/2017 07:22

I note the OP has remained very quiet on the subject since posting presumably all you people with perfect children and perfect manners have frightened her away. You Stepfords you! 😜

Sayyouwill · 06/10/2017 07:42

@MrsWhatToDo to me that makes perfect sense to do. Same with a bit of bread to calm a child if needed... but there are grown ups on here who find it perfectly acceptable to consume whatever they want around the shop and dump their litter at the till point for the cashier to sort out and dispose of.

mrscupcake · 06/10/2017 07:46

I used to do this with my lb all the time - we would also get a slice of ham from the deli and keep the barcode to scan at the til. He loved sitting in the trolley as a result and shopping was easy. I also used to let him pick things off of the shelves at his level to put into the trolley - if I didn't want those items I would just explain that at the checkout - never had a problem - happy toddler = stress free shopping for parent and everyone else in the store = shop sells more = everyone's a winner!! So in my humble opinion YANBU Grin

Sadmum987 · 06/10/2017 07:52

My daughters much older now but I used to do it regularly.
I've also given her things and just paid for the empty packet at the till.
No one ever minded, in fact quite the opposite.

I also always check I have my purse before going in the shop. Been there done that (with fuel..cringe!)

Timeywimey8 · 06/10/2017 08:34

But the only people we’d be doing that for is for people like you. No one else cares, including supermarket staff. So no thanks

Why do people get so personal. What do you mean by "people like you". Does insulting people from the safety of your computer/phone make you feel good about yourself? I guess I should be glad you didn't call me the MN insult of choice though.

OK next time I go shopping I'll open something and start using it before I've paid for it. Lets say I go into WH Smith and open a pack of pens so that I can address an envelope.

Lets see how the shop assistants react. I don't think it would end well.

I still think that if your toddler hates shopping so much you could just use online shopping. I used to think online shopping was for lazy people (mainly because I used to get frustrated at the home shoppers and their trolleys blocking the aisles in the supermarket) but it's fantastic*.

*except last week when they cancelled my order due to a lack of drivers. First time in 4 years though.

ilovesouthlondon · 06/10/2017 08:41

It's perfectly fine as long as you pay at the end (assuming the item is not weighed) and if you forget your purse, you can fetch it, come back and pay. Supermarkets deal with forgotten purses every day, they won't call the policeHmm. Tescos have free fruit for children as soon as you enter the store. Every little helps...

KrytensNanobots · 06/10/2017 08:42

Blimey, now we've had indigestion thrown in as a reason people do it.
What with people going shopping with indigestion, feeling like they're going to pass out, and tantruming toddlers who need their own way, it's a wonder anyone manages to get anything done or go for longer than five minutes without shoving food in their gob.

ilovesouthlondon · 06/10/2017 08:43

Timeywimey 8 what is the mn insult of choice? Please tell me!

seriouslynoidea · 06/10/2017 08:55

I’m often given pause for thought by mn responses to AIBU but this time I’m shocked by the ridiculous primness and condemnation. The crap about morals and the lack of understanding of the definition of theft is staggering. It’s about looking after your fellow man/woman/mum in distress. Wouldn’t get any nasty looks from my local Waitrose if I did this still, mine all past the toddler phase. Most of the staff are long term employees who know or recognise the family, one even used to help me out occasionally taking my ds1 to the staff loo when I was in danger of failing at potty training! Earned my loyalty and all my kids for life.

KrytensNanobots · 06/10/2017 09:00

Next time I go out to a restaurant and order soup and roll, if it's taking too long and I need my food right now as I'm hungry (like some adults have admitted to doing on here - they're so HUNGRY when shopping) I'm going to go and help myself to the breadrolls in the kitchen.
I mean, it's not theft, they're my breadrolls as I'm going to pay for them.
Hmm

ShovingLeopard · 06/10/2017 09:44

Goodness me, how is this an issue that people are still arguing about when it has been established that shops are perfectly happy with it? If the shops themselves don't mind, where is the issue? Is it just people wanting to control the actions of others?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/10/2017 09:51

Rhiannon but I'm not talking about YOU. I'm actually not talking about the bread-nibblers either. I'm talking about the people who have taken the bread-nibbling to the next stage because they have no manners. These are the people who:

  • eat messy foods leaving greasy crumbs and bits on the floor
  • wipe their hands on anything other than themselves
  • leave the empty packets on shelves or on the floor
  • gobble their way around the store (although that's my own unreasonable tic, it's just not nice to see and hear)

.
I'm not suggesting it's theft because I know it's not and, even with the packet leavers who intend not to pay, that's the supermarket's fault for allowing it.

It's irksome to me in the same way that pyjama-wearing is outside the home. Looks ugly and shows a lack of care.

With all of these things, I notice it and you'd never know. I don't tut or pass comment. I just don't personally understand how it's become a 'thing' now. And I guess I've said all there is I have to say on the matter so, CARRY ON CHOMPING!

user1499419331 · 06/10/2017 10:45

Well I eat stuff while walking around and give my daughter whatever she wants from what we are going to buy. I don't give two hoots what some shelf stacker thinks or what goes on their face.

SarahVegan · 06/10/2017 10:47

French sticks can leave a lot of crumbs around when broken, unless you were going to ensure there would be no crumbs dropped around the supermarket then I think yabu.

RhiannonOHara · 06/10/2017 10:56

Is it really okay to eat bar-coded, not-weight-dependent food in a super market? If so, what's to stop adults doing so?

Going by my own experience and quite a lot of other posts here, nothing can or does stop adults doing it. Grin

Lying, this thread isn't about people who do that. It's about eating dry bread. I don't understand the need to try to conflate that with leaving greasy crumbs and bits on the floor, wiping hands on 'anything other than themselves' etc. Hmm Why try to make it all-or-nothing?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/10/2017 11:10

It's not 'all or nothing' - it's the same thing just 'souped up'. Some people ARE doing that, they ARE leaving packets/food debris/whatever because they're lacking manner and any kind of awareness of other people. The thread has moved on, as they are apt to do. It's not just about the end of bread if you read it.

I've tried to explain that several times now you and don't get it. That's fine but keep your humphy face to yourself.