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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids shouldn't talk to teachers like this.

445 replies

onlyindreams · 03/10/2017 17:18

I realise that the majority of kids will show respect to teachers but some of the stuff my dgc tell me is awful. One girl called her teacher a disgusting human being" , another said "you dirty little peado", another one said, when asked not to shout "who do you think you're talking to".

How has it all come to this, i despair, where's the respect gone, please tell me it's not all that bad and not typical of the average 12/13 year old and probably above.

OP posts:
Lm9004 · 05/10/2017 16:03

Mittens

I would say my toilet policy involves common sense, Do you not agree?

Anyone in those circumstances you mention would be permitted to go.

Lm9004 · 05/10/2017 17:38

I do think it is harsh to say single parents are responsible for behaviour, more so the type of parents.

UtterlyBatty · 05/10/2017 17:42

This thread is shocking! I know this stuff happens, but the ubiquity and scale of it is profoundly depressing. What the fuck kind of people are we (as a society) raising here? Shock

My DD is at a fully online secondary school, and I've never been so glad of that as when reading this thread. I've just asked her if there's ever any of this kind of disruption or rudeness in her classes, and she said 'never'.

EliseC1965 I assumed that things would be better in FE, because the students are (presumably) doing the subjects that they've chosen and enjoy, rather than having to do a bit of everything. Obviously not, though, from the sounds of it?

Flowers Wine Cake Gin Brew X 1000 for all of the teachers.

Gottagetmoving · 05/10/2017 17:44

I do think it is harsh to say single parents are responsible for behaviour, more so the type of parents

They are just as responsible for behaviour as two parents are. It just may be a bit more difficult to manage for one than it is for two.
That doesn't mean all single parents have kids with bad behaviour.

Lm9004 · 05/10/2017 17:56

Gottagetmoving

Exactly the point I was trying to make. I had a boy yesterday threaten to piss in my class when I wouldn't let him go toilet. I spoke to his mother and was pleasantly surprised she did not try and defend him or blame me. Parents attitudes towards teachers often do have a big say in how children behave at school, but not always. Many children for example can get involved with the wrong crowd of freinds.

mumoseven · 05/10/2017 17:57

I actually had a private meltdown in my room today, I was hit by a pupil (5) who told me to shut the fuck up shouted right in my face and kicked me in the shin. Of course he was sent home, but he'll be back tomorrow... And this will happen again until he clocks up enough exclusions to warrant some sort of intervention.
Last week some mum told me 'someone' should 'do something' about her 5 year olds attitude 'cause its fucking disgraceful'

FrLukeDuke · 05/10/2017 17:59

About her own child mumoseven?

Mittens1969 · 05/10/2017 18:00

@Lm9004, yes I do agree with what your policy is, now we’ve clarified. It’s not a problem, children need to learn to go when they have the opportunity.

Lm9004 · 05/10/2017 18:02

Mumoseven

They wonder where they get it from. At 5 and only in October and year 1 and she is unable to cope with his behaviour. I can guarantee it is a result of the previous years of being brought up by someone using that language.

Lm9004 · 05/10/2017 18:05

Mittens

Precisely a girl asked to go to the toilet 5 minutes after lunch and I said no, she waited until hometime and even commented to me herself she knew she should have gone at lunch and expected me to say no as that is my rule.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 05/10/2017 18:13

If I ever found out my children spoke to a teacher that way they'd be in much more trouble at home.
Teachers shouldn't have to put up with that!

mumoseven · 05/10/2017 18:17

Frlukeduke
Yes about her own daughter! I stared at her for about 10 seconds, then realised she meant it , she then went on to say to not bother to call her if her child misbehaved cos she wasn't coming back up the school to pick her up till 3.15

FrLukeDuke · 05/10/2017 19:10

Oh dear

RaeAm · 05/10/2017 21:10

Time out. Five minutes. Today one of them progressed to sufficiently bad behaviour to actually be sent home. THAT concentrates parent's minds-being called to come pick their children up because we won't have them in school!

BabychamSocialist · 05/10/2017 21:32

I've only had a few problem kids in my 20 years of teaching - even my bottom sets wouldn't dare say things like this. I think most kids are respectful but you always get some who think the world revolves around them, which is usually enabled by the parents. I find if you give them an inch, they take a yard, so I tend to be quite stern with them and they fall into line pretty sharpish.

I have noticed, like other posters, that there's an increasing lack of parental co-operation. 20 years ago, a teacher's word would be taken as gospel and the parent would work to tame their child. Now you hear the phrase "well, he/she must've had a reason" in relation to some bad behaviour or swearing or whatever.

BabychamSocialist · 05/10/2017 21:39

And to add, in my experience, there's no real set reason why you have a child with a bad attitude. I've had students who come from council estates with single parents who have lovely manners and really work hard, I've had students from a wealthy family who were horrid bullies with no manners at all.

I tend to find that it's more boys than girls that are the issue, as in most of the trouble I've had with students are from lads.

wannabestressfree · 05/10/2017 23:15

@RaeAm we do that but even that is problematic as they are illegal exclusions really. If a parent says no there is very little that can be done .

SmartiesHaveTheAnswer · 06/10/2017 06:08

Exactly the point I was trying to make. I had a boy yesterday threaten to piss in my class when I wouldn't let him go toilet.

I'm a TA with a certain class and a teacher refused a boy when he asked to go 5 minutes after the end of lunch.

After a few days, an awful stink of ammonia and a rewind of CCTV, it shows the lad sneaking back into this teacher's classroom where he pissed in her recycling bin in spiteful revenge.

Some kids just aren't very nice, regardless of backgrounds. I've TA'd for 10 years and it's definitely getting worse. I'd not be a teacher if they paid me double the price.

SmartiesHaveTheAnswer · 06/10/2017 06:13

Last week some mum told me 'someone' should 'do something' about her 5 year olds attitude 'cause its fucking disgraceful'

Social Services need to start providing Parenting Classes.

That said, I'd bet that those most in need would adopt the "wtf are they telling ME what to do" attitude which is what we see in many classrooms.

History repeats itself and we have to deal with the outcomes of that in school.

Butternutissquashed · 06/10/2017 06:18

This is why I am planning my exit route this year. It has got progressively worse and most attempts to speak to parents about it end with the parent siding with the child and blaming someone else, sometimes me! It's having an impact on my ability to do my job, the learning of the others in the class and ultimately my own children as I am so worked up by the time that I get in, they get the brunt of it. I know that's wrong by the way!

SmartiesHaveTheAnswer · 06/10/2017 06:25

I hear you Butternut. It shouldn't be like this. Flowers

DiggyDiggyHole · 06/10/2017 07:44

I definitely think that one of the reasons is that many more parents hate having their children reprimanded, or their behaviour questioned in any way. Numerous times, a mild sanction has been followed by a phone call from the parent, requests for a meeting, explanations as to why repeated again, because explaining to the child isn’t enough. 30 years ago, it was rare, and only for the higher levels of the behaviour code. Now it’s far more parents and for minor consequences.

DiggyDiggyHole · 06/10/2017 07:48

It just impacts so negatively on the learning of the whole class if you have one or two who know that whatever they do will not have any consequence they care about. The only thing that does is when other parents start telling their children not to associate with the naughty, rude, unkind one because they fear cross contamination. Other parent may complain again, but they have no power over that.

ilovesouthlondon · 06/10/2017 08:24

That's interesting...teachers who don't support their own childrens teachers but want support...wow

Want2bSupermum · 06/10/2017 12:15

raeam Actually being asked to collect our child from school hasn't really helped in our case. I'm dealing with a naughty child at school right now. Had a meeting yesterday and the teacher produced a chart to the special education services team with all the incidents. I started going through it because they just glanced over dismissing it.

It's crystal clear there is something else going on. I've sent a nuclear email to the principal because DDs teacher asked for help only for her data to be dismissed. I expect by Tuesday for DD to be given an aide or put into a small high needs class where there are 5-6 DC to one teacher and two aides. Honestly if I was the teacher I would be so unmotivated. As a manager I never allow the employees in responsible for be so unsupported. It's a one way ticket to problems, none of them good.