Why lie?? So bloody mean 😔

[Dairyleadunked]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant. Still suffering with HG and severe pain from pelvic congestion syndrome.
Having a really bad time so asked DM would she help with school pick up today if possible. Obviously I asked a favour so it was going to be a yes or a no ....
DM told me no, that she had a doctors appointment at that time and couldn't help.
I took paracetamol and left early. DM is very near to school to I went there quickly (needed a wee and to sit for a few mins as was in agony!) and then got a call from dh who had finished early and said he would get dd.
I waited at DMs and it got a bit weird.....she couldn't have eye contact, went to her room. The time for her supposedly appt cane and went.
Turned out she just lied as didn't want to help😔I rarely ask for anything and I had put it to her in such a way that it was ok if not so it wouldn't have been an issue her saying no....but she lied and it's really hurt my feelings
No idea why she did it and I feel it was just really mean to lie

I recon she had a bloke upstairs

Early 60s

OP, Im 60, a fit and healthy 60 year old but to be honest this year I have kind of slowed down a bit. Not that people would know. Its just that Im inclined to take things at a slower pace. I think your mum was just tired and needing to get off the roundabout a bit so she told a lie rather than just say no and make you feel you were second to your sister who's living with her.

Its not even daylight where I am yet Im up and about getting ready to take some of grandchildren to school for a 7.15 start. I currently do 4 school runs a day. I love it and it keeps me going otherwise I'd wake up and watch too many things on Catch Up instead of springing out of bed and getting on with the day. There are times though when I do want to stay in bed and say stuff the school run. Your mums just human. But I can also understand why you're so hurt.

There could be so many reasons op.

I'd ask her. Don't assume it was done out of ill feeling for you.

I'm with the PP who asked how often do you ask her to help? Maybe with having ypur sister and a baby in the house again she's just had enough? I am exhausted by my young children and I'm half her age

"No, because I don't want to."

Would that have been any better?

For whatever reason, she didn't want to do the pick up. You might not agree with that but she is a person with her own mind and has a choice. In the same way, you have a choice over how much time she shares with the grandchildren.

I think the OP understands she had a right to say no. It's the lie, and the fact her Mum obviously can't be honest with her that has hurt the most.

How often do you ask for ‘a favour’ and have you ever done her a favour? It’s easy to get caught up in your life, but your first instinct should have been to ask DP for any help with the school run and not your mum who has a baby in the house with her and has presumably had her life temporarily turned around. I’d never do that to my mum!

Maybe she reads AIBU regularly and sees all the advice on here for people to invent excuses for not helping someone out. Would love to see how many people have advised that in the past only to come on this thread and say granny was awful.

I think perhaps she's exhausted having your sis there and didn't want to just say no when she's obviously helping them out so felt that giving you an excuse made it better.

Have a chat with her.

To say she just didn't want to, would at least be honest. If she wants to sit on her backside at home and let her pg, unwell daughter struggle to get to school, thst's her prerogative but she should at least own that behaviour.

Unless it turns out that she is very very ill herself and doesn't want to tell you yet, I think there is no justification for refusing to help you in your particular circumstances. Being a bit tired or simply not wanting to is an awful way to treat her own daughter.

I said upthread that I would distance myself and a poster said that was terrible advice, but I stand by it. The relationships board is littered with people being treated badly by family and it's because they let this stuff slide for years when said family member makes it very clear that they are just not a priority for them!

sounds like she is feeling put upon.
do you ask favours much?
and your ds has just moved in with her, perhaps she is missing her freedom - putting her foot down - had plans to be just by herself

of course there is justification for not helping. Your pregnancy is your responsibility op, as are your children.

And if OP was healthy thrn that would be fair enough. But she isn't. To me, parenting is a forever commitment - I would never say to my dc that I had no obligation to help them in times of need. I consider people who do, to be shit parents

And if OP was healthy thrn that would be fair enough. But she isn't. To me, parenting is a forever commitment - I would never say to my dc that I had no obligation to help them in times of need. I consider people who do, to be shit parents

There's an awful lot of people here who think if they ask they are shit children. They also think others who do ask are shit children. Its awful.

OP is hardly palming off the responsibility of her pregnancy/children by asking for help from her own mum when she is struggling.

Besides, it's the lying that has upset her.

Think we need a bigger picture here.

How often does this happen and how long after school pick up would your dm be expected to have your dd for?

Seems like an awful lot is expected of her.

She may just have felt awful saying no, given your current situation, so lied because she felt bad. What I mean is, the fib may come from her own guilt (not saying she should feel guilt, just that mothers so often do) and that was the cause, rather than any expectation of your reaction.

It sounds like you have a good relationship and usually an honest one, so while I agree it's good to clear the air, go easy on her? She probably feels even worse now.

Sympathies on the grim pregnancy. I got those, too - so much for a glow!

And I imagine it's very tiring, having your sis and her family there. She may just not have any left in the tank to offer (and feels bad that it's because so much is going to one child, when the other is in need right now as well).

If she has people living with her then perhaps she just needed time to herself but felt guilty saying that to you. No need to make a big deal out of it if you usually have a good relationship. I hope she had a man upstairs or something!

Also, I have a key for my mums house. Even if I just popped in for the loo I'd call and check it was ok first. There may be things out that she doesn't want me to see etc so I'd maybe do that in future too?

I tell her never to fucking lie to me and get really arsey! some people are just selfish

What a lazy liar. A committed liar would have gone to her "appointment" at the specified time, even if it meant sitting alone on a park bench for an hour.

I rather someone to say I can't be arsed than make up a stupid lie! me and my sisters and friends are all very open so if we arrange something and cba anymore we just say

What a lazy liar. A committed liar would have gone to her "appointment" at the specified time, even if it meant sitting alone on a park bench for an hour

She's an innocent liar.

Sounds like my MiL who would then whinge to DH that she never sees grandchildren 🙄

My grandmother did something similar. It turned out thst there was tension btwn my cousin, her husband and dc. I thought it was me. But she didn't want to be gossipy. Turned out cousin's husband was abusive and she was protecting me.

Erhm, or your mother could have made "personal plans" and was embarrassed?