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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why lie?? So bloody mean 😔

117 replies

Dairyleadunked · 02/10/2017 17:44

I'm 24 weeks pregnant. Still suffering with HG and severe pain from pelvic congestion syndrome.
Having a really bad time so asked DM would she help with school pick up today if possible. Obviously I asked a favour so it was going to be a yes or a no ....
DM told me no, that she had a doctors appointment at that time and couldn't help.
I took paracetamol and left early. DM is very near to school to I went there quickly (needed a wee and to sit for a few mins as was in agony!) and then got a call from dh who had finished early and said he would get dd.
I waited at DMs and it got a bit weird.....she couldn't have eye contact, went to her room. The time for her supposedly appt cane and went.
Turned out she just lied as didn't want to help😔I rarely ask for anything and I had put it to her in such a way that it was ok if not so it wouldn't have been an issue her saying no....but she lied and it's really hurt my feelings
No idea why she did it and I feel it was just really mean to lie

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/10/2017 18:55

That wasn't very nice. Maybe she just doesn't want to be at your beck and call to provide child care. Maybe there's another reason she didn't want to pick up your DD at that time. I think she was looking forward to having time on her own and is fed up with all the demands from family.

AgSiopadoireachtAris · 02/10/2017 18:57

I've read Anne Dickson's ''A woman in your own right'' and it is an excellent book and helped me recognise some behaviours in myself that stemmed from insecurity. A good read.

However, I assert my right to continue to make life easy by telling my Mother I can't make lunch because I have plans.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/10/2017 19:08

Oh my goodness, there are some very cold and hard people on this thread, op was very ill, and needed somebody to be there fgs! Who would not want to try and help when your daughter is very ill. You treat her how she treats you, op! Remember that when she has to rely on somebody to help her in her old age!

SpringTown46 · 02/10/2017 19:09

If it is out of character, perhaps there is another reason that is embarrassing for her and she didn't want to confide in you or her son.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/10/2017 19:14

Agree with you Aeroflot. OP was pregnant, feeling unwell and asked for help.It's not as if she was getting her hair done.

Bluetrews25 · 02/10/2017 19:23

To me, I'd take that as a clear message that she does not want to help. So I would not ask her to, ever again. If she should volunteer for duties, fine, but ask her for help? No.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 02/10/2017 19:25

Is it possible that your Mum is depressed, or unwell, but doesn't want to bother you ?

HyacinthBooquet · 02/10/2017 19:31

Yes she is divorced, and my dsis her husband and dd recently moved in wth her

So there is no way she could have been expecting a special friend to pop round whilst the house was empty today?

Or perhaps she just needed time out if she has family living with her. Maybe she's tired.

But that aside. I think you have every right to be upset. Im a mum and a grandma and I feel for you very much.

HyacinthBooquet · 02/10/2017 19:33

You say she is divorced and recently had your dsis and family move in? Where they out during this period of time? I'm guessing at yes?? Any chance she has boyfriend? Maybe a secret boyfriend? If it's out of character for you mum to lie maybe she said gp because she didn't want to say the real reason!

Thats what I was thinking when I asked if mum was single.

Blueberrysandgrapes76 · 02/10/2017 19:38

I thought secret boyfriend too!

Bluntness100 · 02/10/2017 19:38

Op. How often do you ask her, how often does she have to help out?

Clearly she lied to spare your feelings and didn’t want to just say no, I just don’t want to.

The bigger question is why didn’t she want to? How often do you and your sister ask her to take over the child care responsibilities ? And how old is she, hows her health?

CakesRUs · 02/10/2017 19:43

I'd have had to say. It's ok if she doesn't want to do you a favour or end up looking after kids, but she should've said.

5rivers7hills · 02/10/2017 19:46

If all else is good normally I think I'd just reply "it's ok mum but I wish you had just said that you didn't feel up to it today rather than making it up about he appointment. I know there's an equal chance of someone saying 'no' if they are asked for a favour. Anyway, was nice to see you mum xx"

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/10/2017 19:50

Secret Boyfriend? Is that why she kept disappearing into her bedroom? "Ssh Get in the wardrobe Bob, my daughter's here, and put some bloody clothes on" Grin

I like 5Rivers response. That clears the air without making it into a confrontation.

SingingTunelessly · 02/10/2017 19:57

It might be she's spent a long time looking forward to being child free after the children have grown up and left home. Your sister and family have moved back in and your request for childcare just sent her over the edge. Maybe. She might be knackered and want the house to herself for a while.

DeadGood · 02/10/2017 20:04

"I said to her (and she wouldn't even look at me) 'aren't you going to be late?' She replied 'late for what?' Then 'oh no my appts actually another day' and looked totally mortified"

But then what happened, OP? Why didn't you say "but you told me you couldn't pick up DS today" ?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 02/10/2017 20:10

Re-reading it now, it does sound as though she had someone waiting for her in the bedroom!

Original poster
Dairyleadunked · 02/10/2017 20:13

The house wasn't empty dsis and dn were there. I suppose it's possible she's overwhelmed as dn is only a few months old ? I did text her but haven't had any response yet, I'll see what she says if she does reply

OP posts:
Original poster
Dairyleadunked · 02/10/2017 20:14

I left soon after that as had to go or I'd have been late I was also quite confused. Probably should have asked there and then but it was all so odd

OP posts:
HyacinthBooquet · 02/10/2017 20:15

OP, how old is your mum.

Original poster
Dairyleadunked · 02/10/2017 21:23

Early 60s

OP posts:
Blueberrysandgrapes76 · 03/10/2017 00:15

Possibly your sister could have been struggling and she didn't want to say? You just need to talk to her really. I'd ask your sister what's going on tbh.

NoodleNinja · 03/10/2017 00:37

Is it far for her to walk? Was it raining or cold? Just trying to figure out why she would say no!

Would you have taken a while to come get your child from her house or were you expecting her to drop them at yours?

I still think it was a lousy thing to do but just trying to figure out why she would have lied.

like7 · 03/10/2017 00:51

Your poor mum .. has your sister and young baby living with her and you have a key and can just drop in. Maybe she just needs some time for herself and your request was the final straw but on the spur of the moment she just didn't want to say no because she felt she should say yes. So she made an excuse so as not to hurt your feelings.. Is she losing sleep with the baby there?
I think 5 rivers and bluntness talked sense.
Check on your mum . I have known a couple of cases when this sort of behaviour was because someone was unwell and another where it was the start of dementia. I hope in this case it's just tiredness or feeling overwhelmed.

Hope you feel much better soon.

kateandme · 03/10/2017 01:17

Talk honestly and openly on it.sit down and talk.don't let it linger with what ifs or why's,whatever the reason at least ul be straight.otherwise this feeling will keep bubbling.

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