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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect her to pay me before she gets the item?

88 replies

Saltandpepperpig · 02/10/2017 15:06

I'm really annoyed and don't know if IBU or not.

Went somewhere early last week which sells an item that you can't get where we live. Told my friend I was going and she asked me to get an item for her, which I did and sent her a picture of the receipt straight away.

It was expensive (£250) and I'm not well off at the moment. I got the item last Monday, I'm seeing her next Tuesday. So two weeks after buying the item.

I text her saying 'Hi X, got your item here you're free to pick it up but I'm not going to have a chance to drop it till I see you next. Would you be able to send the money over as times are hard at the moment and I'm struggling. Thanks xx'

She replied 'I'll transfer you the money when I see you when you give me the item x'

She is not hard up, AT ALL and I know this 100%. She 100% knows that I am.

So AIBU to expect her to pay me before she gets the item considering I got it as a favour to her and am struggling myself? What do I say?

OP posts:
ooodile · 02/10/2017 15:07

Perhaps offer to return it for a refund if she's not able to pay?

Bluerose27 · 02/10/2017 15:09

Could you just text and say you're stuck for the money, and need her to transfer it?

I think sometimes people with money don't realise how tight things can be for those with less

Anecdoche · 02/10/2017 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bouyou · 02/10/2017 15:10

I think I’d say - sorry this is embarrassing but I’m going to incur fees without being paid. I just can’t cover that amount right now.

Blahblahboo · 02/10/2017 15:11

I would probably return it and sod her if she can't stump up what she owes you.
But i wouldn't have got it for her in the first place

NoParticularPattern · 02/10/2017 15:15

In her ideal world yes, she would pay you when she gets the item. But since she knows you’re hard up and she asked you to do her a favour I’m surprised she didn’t a) give you the money before you bought it and b) didn’t transfer the money when you explicitly said you’re struggling for cash.

I’m a vindictive cow so I’d just return the item and tell her that you couldn’t wait for the £250 back any longer. Next time she can either get it herself or give you the cash first!

Lilmisskittykat · 02/10/2017 15:17

250 is a lot to pay up front and not get back for two weeks.

I don’t think you being awful at all asking for the money. Really if it were me I’d have given it before you went - I hate being in debt to people.

She was lucky you had the free cash to pick it up fullstop

gamerchick · 02/10/2017 15:21

Just return it and get your money back, don’t bother with the gumpf of getting money from her.

Next time (practice saying it) ‘if you give me the money for it before I go I’ll pick it up for you.’ Then balls in her court from the off, no chasing required.

SillyMoomin · 02/10/2017 15:22

Agree with pp’s

She gets to transfer it within 12 hours or you return it and she can travel to get the item herself

Sohurt17 · 02/10/2017 15:23

It sounds a bit like she wants the option of returning it without having to pay for it first. Cake and eat.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 02/10/2017 15:24

She should actually have transferred the money before you bought the item. I had this with a 'friend' We go the US a fair bit and cheeky fucker ''friend' messaged me would I mind picking up a load of stuff, make up, clothing. I said transfer the money and I will get the bits I know I can get, added up how much it would be approx. She said oh no, I will give it to you when you give me the goods.

I said I couldn't do that as we had spent all our allocated money which of course was not true but she didn't know that. She said we should have taken more money with us! She then said oh don't bother Grin You have a CF there OP.

SeekingTheLight · 02/10/2017 15:28

She seems to be inadvertently saying she needs to see item that YOU purchased for her, before paying you back. I would be offended if this were my friend. It insinuates either she doesn't fully trust you, and/or that she must check item before handing over cash. Return the item and get your money back OP.

amusedbush · 02/10/2017 15:28

She said we should have taken more money with us!

Fuck me, that's solid brass! ShockGrin

QueenofallIsee · 02/10/2017 15:32

You are not a shop, you are a friend who did her a favour. If the implication is that she will be paying you back conditionally then I would cut my losses and take it back - I know it will be an arse ache but better that than be 250 out of pocket!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/10/2017 15:32

For that amount she should have paid you before you bought it! Effing cheek!

Indigo90 · 02/10/2017 15:32

I'd text and say come round tonight with the money and you can have the item, otherwise I'll be taking it back to the shop.

LagunaBubbles · 02/10/2017 15:34

Now if it was only £20 or something then I wouldn't mind getting a friend an item but £250? Why didn't you get the money first? There's no way I would have a spare £250 to buy a friend something on the off chance they might give me the money back!

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 02/10/2017 15:36

YANBU at all!

lalaloopyhead · 02/10/2017 15:36

If I asked a friend to do this I would give the money up front. It is really cheeky to expect you to shell that amount out upfront and then wait to be paid back. Is she hedging her bets about whether she actually wants it or not, and will possibly reject it?

And of course most importantly.....what was the item in question??

JaneEyre70 · 02/10/2017 15:38

I'd make the time to see her straight away. And don't leave her house until she's transferred the money. If she doesn't, take it back. She's used you for a free loan and her reluctance to pay you says to me she hasn't got the money.

AlexsMum89 · 02/10/2017 15:38

I agree with @Queenofallsee - she's implying that she will only pay you if she's happy with it, as if you were a shop, rather than a friend that did her a favour.
Definitely just say something like 'I'm sorry, I used part of my mortgage money to buy it and help you out but I need it back before the payment is taken out at midnight tonight, so if you can't pay up I'll have to return it'.

pasturesgreen · 02/10/2017 15:38

I'd say that's fine between friends if it's been pre-agreed. Not fine to spring this on you after you bought the item, and most importantly not fine as you've made it clear you need your money back.
Friend is taking the piss.

greendale17 · 02/10/2017 15:40

Sounds like she doesn't trust you

velourvoyageur · 02/10/2017 15:41

When is the cutoff for returning the item?

Perhaps say that you will return it on the last possible day if you haven't received funds by then as you can't take a chance that you won't be refunded and as she's proving reticent already you have to act to protect yourself as it's too much money to take risks with. She's already implying that she doesn't trust you (unless I'm just being cynical) so it's she rather than you who's taken it into that uncomfortable territory of trust already, IYSWIM. If she expects you to trust her to refund you, it should be reciprocal, and since you're the one doing the favour, she should have been the one having to trust you by having transferred the money before you made the purchase.

Can you call her and talk instead of doing it by text - she might be less cheeky then.
I'd be pissed off tbh, you don't fuck around with amounts like that. Even if you're wealthy, it's not small change. And who wants to be in debt for that amount to a friend?

coddiwomple · 02/10/2017 15:42

Are you going back to the place where you bought the item? If you are, do return it, your "friend" is rude and out of order at best, and nasty if you have told her you can't afford to wait.

If you can't go back that soon, as above, tell your "friend" that you are returning it because you do need the cash. Hopefully she'll come and get it snapish, but DO NOT GIVE HER THE ITEM UNTIL YOU HAVE THE CASH!