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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect her to pay me before she gets the item?

88 replies

Saltandpepperpig · 02/10/2017 15:06

I'm really annoyed and don't know if IBU or not.

Went somewhere early last week which sells an item that you can't get where we live. Told my friend I was going and she asked me to get an item for her, which I did and sent her a picture of the receipt straight away.

It was expensive (£250) and I'm not well off at the moment. I got the item last Monday, I'm seeing her next Tuesday. So two weeks after buying the item.

I text her saying 'Hi X, got your item here you're free to pick it up but I'm not going to have a chance to drop it till I see you next. Would you be able to send the money over as times are hard at the moment and I'm struggling. Thanks xx'

She replied 'I'll transfer you the money when I see you when you give me the item x'

She is not hard up, AT ALL and I know this 100%. She 100% knows that I am.

So AIBU to expect her to pay me before she gets the item considering I got it as a favour to her and am struggling myself? What do I say?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 02/10/2017 16:13

Crikey. No way would I expect a friend to buy something of that value for me without giving them the money first! She is definitely BU.

DarthMaiden · 02/10/2017 16:14

YANBU

You are not a source of “credit” and essentially this is what she is asking you to be.

She should have transferred the money when you confirmed you had paid for the item.

Start charging her interest on what she owes from the date of purchase until she collects it....if she wants to treat you like a credit card provider, time for you to start acting like one...

Nuggysmummy · 02/10/2017 16:17

Return it, get your money back and let her sort herself out. You shouldn't have to ask twice for money that is owed to you, it's not easy with her being your friend but she is clearly looking out for herself and There is nothing wrong with you doing the same.

Roomster101 · 02/10/2017 16:17

She is being so rude to ask you to buy an expensive item in the first place but implying that you can't be trusted is outrageous. Let her know that she is welcome to pick the item up straight away but if she can't you still need the money.

bimbobaggins · 02/10/2017 16:18

In what world do people think that this is acceptable,£250 is a lot of money to most people. Tell her you need the money now or the item gets returned

In future make " cash upfront " your motto
Never lend a friend money unless you can afford to loose both.

bimbobaggins · 02/10/2017 16:18

I wouldn't buy a £ 25 item never mind £250

dustarr73 · 02/10/2017 16:23

Judas cf asked the op to get it.So in that case she should have paid her before op went.Its good manners.

Brittbugs80 · 02/10/2017 16:26

We go the US a fair bit

We do too and I've stopped telling people. They saw it as a chance to give long lists and thought we were joking when we said about our baggage allowance.

One friend wanted some make up, got it and then when she asked how much she owed, she was a tenner short so said I could treat her to this as we clearly have more money to be able to afford to go! She never did pay up for it so now I just don't offer.

Glumglowworm · 02/10/2017 16:32

Tell her if you don't get the money today then you will have to return the item for a refund as you can't afford to be out of pocket for two weeks. Plus she sounds like a CF who will have an excuse for why you can't have the money even when she does see you (whatever you do, don't hand over the item til you have the money!)

AnnetteCurtains · 02/10/2017 16:43

As its too far to take it back for a refund is there anyone else who may want to buy it ?

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/10/2017 17:06

i know she will pay eventually

A half-way decent friend would pay you asap with a price tag like this....

I can just imagine CF waiting until you take it to her, then telling you it's not right/she's changed her mind.

Then what you gonna do, OP?

Viviennemary · 02/10/2017 17:24

Under the circumstances she shouldn't have asked you at all to get such an expensive item ant to expect you to wait for payment. I'd be tempted to take it back and get a refund. But I expect that's not possible if the shop is a good distance. She has an incredible nerve IMHO>

Deemail · 02/10/2017 17:28

That's so cheeky, you're doing her a favour and she thinks it's ok to leave you short of YOUR cash for your kindness.
I'd be tempted to advertise it for sale too and whoever stumps up the money first gets the goods.

Brittbugs80 · 02/10/2017 17:35

You've sent her the picture of the receipt showing you have the product.

Are you sure she even has the money or is she waiting on it? I don't understand what is stopping her transferring the money?

What is the item and are you able to return it if needs be?

PuppyMonkey · 02/10/2017 17:41

Expensive item that can't be returned bought on behalf of someone else? What could possibly go wrong? Wink

Seti · 02/10/2017 17:45

I've not got a good feeling about this.

Monkeyinshoes · 02/10/2017 17:49

Wow, I’d never expect someone to buy such an expensive item without me giving them the money for it first. She either doesn’t trust you or isn’t even sure she wants the item and is using you like a shop.

If you think it’d sell on eBay, I’d be tempted to put it on there and send her the link. If she wants it she’ll have to bid with everyone else.

Whatever you do make sure you get payment before you give her the item. You need either cash or to check the bank transfer has gone through. Don’t accept promises to bring money round later, a cheque or her word that she’s transferred the money. The fact she’s dragging her heels about paying, and possibly doesn’t trust you, would make me not trust her.

Hortonlovesahoo · 02/10/2017 18:18

If I were your friend, I'd pay you once I saw the receipt. Especially if you've said you're short this month.

Could you call her bluff about returns and see what happens?

troodiedoo · 02/10/2017 18:26

Your friend is taking the piss big time. Hope you get your money and charge her delivery

BulletFox · 02/10/2017 18:28

Ouch, OP. Another one who really wants to know what the item is!!

araiwa · 02/10/2017 18:32

If the £250 is so important to you, why dont you go see your friend tonight and give her the item and get the cash?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 02/10/2017 18:34

If the £250 is so important to you

Hmm

You know it's £250 not £2.50 right?! What an odd comment.

araiwa · 02/10/2017 18:39

Yes. But i could wait a week for £250 to be repaid to me. If op cant, then she can resolve the matter.

Its not ideal but its a quick solution

SteampunkPrincess · 02/10/2017 18:43

So what is it ?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/10/2017 18:44

Do you have an e-mail trail for this?

If push comes to shove (and I really hope it doesn't) you could take her to the small claims court.

She is responsible for you buying that item. I'm sure she didn't say "Buy it and if I like it when I see it/ if it fits/ if it isn't too big for the living room, or whatever, then I'll give you the money and take it off your hands" Course she didn't, or you would have said you wouldn't get it.

She has asked you to act as her agent . If you are forced to take her to court this will be recognised and she will be ordered to pay you back.

Of course, your friendship will be dead in the water, but I suspect that it has been dealt a death blow by this attitude anyway - she has effectively said she doesn't trust you, and she has implied that she might not want it when she sees it.

She's a CF and a user. She isn't worth the steam off your tea.

When you do get this sorted, don't do any favours for her again.