To put my 3mo in nursery one day a week

[Changerazelea]

Feeling utterly crushed by being at home all day with my 3mo DS2 and now considering putting him in the nursery 1 day per week which my 3yo attends. He is feeding well (BF) but only cat napping so I have no time for rest at all and feel all consumed by the weight of being his carer. As he also takes bottle well I am considering putting him in nursery so I can have a break. WIBU?

Oh, give over. One day a week in nursery isn't going to harm. Healthy, happy mum refreshed for the other 6 days a week and all the nights too instead of needlessly martyring herself to motherhood and making herself ill in the process. Now THAT'S more likely to harm.

Has the OP confirmed this? Not sure if I've missed this but it makes a huge difference, I've been a worn out tired single mum of two and if I could have afforded the baby to spend a few hours in nursery I probably would have done. If the OP is in this situation she isn't BU. If OP has a DP/DH I find it a little bit precious to put the baby in nursery as surely she could hand the baby over for a few hours on his/her day off for a break.

Personally I'd stick it out a bit longer as baby may sleep better soon, but then I have no idea just how bad you feel. None of us do and if you feel it's what you need to do to help then do it.

Discuss it with the nursery. If it can be arranged without disrupting the breast feeding then go for it.
You will feel so much better.
Speaking as someone who had no opportunity to do this, and wish I had. It's not just a case of 'put up with it for a few months'. Being worn down like this can have long term effects, on your physical health if not your mental health.

I cannot believe people are suggesting it would be preferable to hire some random individual (including a cleaner?!) to look after the baby for a few hours than put him/her in nursery?! Nursery staff are trained in childcare, have DBS checks and paediatric first aid qualifications!

Plus baby rooms (at least the one my DD was in) are calm environments without vast numbers of either babies, other children or staff around. They are safe, and intended for babies. And the baby would have a key worker plus backup providing their care - not a whole crowd of people. It's no different attachment-wise to a baby growing up with a large extended family and being left with a variety of grandparents or aunts/uncles.

Maybe her dh has a very stressful job? Mine works evenings and weekends and travels and it wasn't feasible for him to provide extra night time support whilst he was also doing more with dc1.

The attitude that your partner should step up is all well and good but much harder when you're already juggling multiple dc and trying to hold down a more than ft job. Plus you often need a consistent break - nursery gives you a cast iron guarantee of a break to look forward to.

We have night nannies and maternity nurses we alternate through when we need them. Could you try that? It's a tiny bit more costly

Do it and catch up on sleep if necessary

Tiny bit moe costly? A day at nursery near me £55, same hours for a nanny, £110.

She isn't asking for night time support though, nursery doesn't offer this.

Yes lots have stressful jobs/long hours but would have atleast one day off in the average week and if your DW/DP was so exhausted/depressed you could step up and look after the children for a half day.

Also not all partners are in a position to provide this kind of support - mine took four weeks off after the birth but then had to return to hugely stressful job with long hours and commute. He was as exhausted as me at weekends and there's no way I'd have asked him to take over for a lengthy chunk of time so I could have a break. He was brilliant about stepping up when I was ill with D and V and took some days of leave to look after DD. What we desperately needed was a grandparent or similar to look after DD for a few hours each week so I could have a break. But actual grandparents dead or too ill to assist and we have no extended family. Friends couldn't offer to help as they were all at work and commuting (and often dealing with their own children on top of this too).

Have you considered a postnatal doula? This is literally exactly what they do: come and give you a break when you need it with your baby. They'll take baby when you need a shower or nap, will do light cleaning, do the wash, wash dishes, most would happily cook for you, whatever. I expect cost wise they might be a bit more but they likely can offer more flexibility in terms of timings and coming on short notice compared to a nursery which has more standard hours and you often need to book in advance and keep to a schedule. They're also just there to talk to if you need someone to talk with or bounce ideas off.

In France almost every one goes back to work at 13 weeks so I wouldn't feel guilty on that score but usually with a cm rather than nursery.

Happy mother, happy mother. If it’s a lovely nursery and you get more rest then it’s definitely worth it! 4 hours is so little sleep to exist on, good luck & I hope you feel better soon.

I did this with my first child. I put him into a highly recommended baby unit for 4 hours one afternoon once a week. I then went straight to the spa, swam, had a treatment and went back to collect him.
If you can afford it it I'd say go for it. It really helped my sanity.