To put my 3mo in nursery one day a week

[Changerazelea]

Feeling utterly crushed by being at home all day with my 3mo DS2 and now considering putting him in the nursery 1 day per week which my 3yo attends. He is feeding well (BF) but only cat napping so I have no time for rest at all and feel all consumed by the weight of being his carer. As he also takes bottle well I am considering putting him in nursery so I can have a break. WIBU?

I would get a nanny/babysitter in instead - it'll probably be a comparable cost as a nursery for a baby under one. I think 3 months is too little for nursery sorry especially think of all the bugs they'll get etc. They'll probably get disturbed by change of routine too so wake up more!! An inhouse nanny could give you time without you having to leave house to get to nursery and also you'll be around for feedings etc if needed - it's just more flexible for you both. Also consider a night nanny - they aren't as expensive as you think.

I went back to work at four months. DD is the light of my life but I needed my own life outside of her. I would pick a childminder instead of a nursery though. DD has a great relationship with hers.

My DD went to nursery at 3mo and absolutely thrived on it

Sorry but I think that's rubbish.

You may well have a 3 month old for whom nursery seems to have had no negative impact. But no 3 month old will 'thrive' on it, by which I take it you mean benefitted. Nursery has no benefits as such for such a young baby.

The best place for a 3 month old is with their primary caregiver/s. I'd only use any kind of regular paid for childcare as an absolute last resort and personally a nursery, with lots of different caregivers all the time, would be my absolute last choice if so.

As someone who works in a nursery, I would advise 2 half days as others have suggested. If you did, say, Tuesday and Friday mornings, you would have a little time to yourself a couple of times a week and more regular sessions will help baby settle. Most nurseries I know of will take babies from 3 months. Have you considered speaking to your gp about how you're feeling and the fact that you're struggling to sleep?

I wouldn't, it's very young.

There is nothing wrong with doing that if you feel it’s going to help you be a better mummy.
I did it with mine and the nursery took them from 6 weeks just like your nursery. People will say things, you won’t like what they’ll say but you will appreciate that time to yourself which will benefit both of you.
It means you can mentally collect yourself together, and just look after yourself that one day a week.

I had no help with mine, husband worked all week, I wish I had family to come and take her for a day just so I had some time.

I’m glad I did it, even if people didn’t like it, I felt like I made the right choice.

I used to do post natal work for a lot of breastfeeding mum's/parents where I'd send mum up for a bath and sleep whilst I carried baby and bunged some tea in the slow cooker.
When baby needed feeding I'd take her up to mum then carry on doing pottering jobs.
The main goal of me being there was to give mum a sleep, time to herself, light housework and to save sanity all round whilst preserving the breastfeeding relationship with baby.

Is there anyone local who could do that? I'm in the NW.

3 months is when the tiredness has kicked in and then built up. YANBU to be exhausted and wanting some relief but nursery without working at that age......YADBU

YANBU. You have to be well to look after baby. I think half days.

100% do it.

I would and I did - I'm amazed at all the suck it up comments - 1 day out of 7 for a mum who is better the rest of the time and not demented from lack of sleep?

A nanny is double the cost of a day at nursery. Not everyone has family or friends that want to help, sadly (I didn't).

I agree ideally everyone would have a network of doting family for respite, back in the real world, if you're knackered and you've had enough, a day at nursery for a baby that takes the bottle fine is fine and good if you're better able to cope because of it.

Thank you fine and a good cup. I have been prescribed medication compatible with BF which have a mild sedative effect but gives me terrible dry mouth and leaves me feeling groggy the next day.
I agree that people's comments may be upsetting but I have broad shoulders and honestly think that after a hard pregnancy and labour that I need some time to recover mentally which I feel I cannot have without help with the baby.
Why is the general feeling that a child minder is better than nursery? Why could a baby not thrive being in a nursery setting as opposed to having "no adverse effects"?

Autumnleaves is spot on.

Personally at that age, if it wasn't for work, I would prefer getting a nanny/mother's help in instead. That way I could have someone to help with the baby and enable me to get some rest/me-time but still have the baby close by for feeding etc.

Oh and you'll find that the best place for a baby is with responsive caregivers, if the mum/primary carer is utterly exhausted, it's not a case of just getting on with it and toughening up.

I wouldn't personally, just so young. Your baby your choice though. I have a 4,2 & 7 months old and I only stay in the house once a week. I'm tired but getting out to playgroups, softplay, the shops, park etc keeps me sane and the kids busy

Flanders when the primary care giver has to return to work after 3 months? Where does the baby need to be then?
She had the same two carers the days she was in. They were fabulous and remain in touch now.

YADNBU! Go for it. Your health is important too, and if you think you'd benefit from a day at nursery whilst you mentally recuperate, that's a good thing! Baby will come back and you'll be more in charge and relaxed and you'll appreciate things more.
I put mine in nursery for 1 day a week even though I was at home (granted, he was nearly 2 so a bit older) but I thought the expense was worth it as his older brother had just started reception full school days and I needed one day to myself for sanity's sake.
I'm sure my mum judged ("but you're at home!" ) yeah, so? There'll always be people out there to judge. Do what's right for you. You're sending your baby into a nursery for a day, not a crack den.

Sorry, should have added, I put the bit about me going out on as from your op it sounds as though you're in the house quite a lot. All fine of course but I find staying in to much gets me down

I agree staying in got me down more, but hard to drag yourself out when you are dog tired.

I'm a massive introvert and I wouldn't have been able to rest with someone in my house - I can't for the life of me see that one day a week would harm the baby.

In the US, totally normal to have a child in nursery that young. But if it were me, I'd probably see if there was an au pair who worked locally who could come and do some mothers help for a few mornings a week. Just because it's less of a commitment if it is just a bit of a phase.

Whilst personally I'd find it too young, we just moved back from the Netherlands where it is standard and expected that mum goes back to work 12 post partum.

At my DDs childminder the youngest baby was 14 weeks, and many of my friends who had DCs at childminders saw babies of >16weeks old there.

I think the reason that people are suggesting a minder instead of a nursery is probably so your baby will get a higher chance of 1:1 attention than it would in a nursery. Minders tend to have four or five kids max. Nursery classes can be flipping massive.

Thanks guys for the supportive messages much appreciated.

We get out most days but find that it's a mammoth effort when the night before has been busy and it's sometimes just not worth it.

*12w post partum.

Full mat leave is 16w but the law states you go off at 36w pregnant.

To work for longer you need a doctor's note.

I have used both nurseries and nannies and for a 3month old I would have a nanny or mother's help over a nursery. While I was on mat leave I had a lady come once a week for 5 hours while her daughter was at school - I slept or went to appointments or pottered about the house catching up on admin and she cared for baby and batch cooked/ironed. For me i think it helped me avoid the devastating PND I had with my first child.

There is a strict 1:3 ratio at my kids' nursery, and I see about 5 babies in there most of the time with 2 staff, babies in nursery are one of the most highly regulated areas.

Plus bf provides you with some bug protection - my dd got all the bugs ice we stopped bf even though she'd been at nursery for 7 months by then.