To put my 3mo in nursery one day a week

[Changerazelea]

Feeling utterly crushed by being at home all day with my 3mo DS2 and now considering putting him in the nursery 1 day per week which my 3yo attends. He is feeding well (BF) but only cat napping so I have no time for rest at all and feel all consumed by the weight of being his carer. As he also takes bottle well I am considering putting him in nursery so I can have a break. WIBU?

a baby needs to be with its mother not some stranger you did know this before having a baby

Oh, give over. One day a week in nursery isn't going to harm. Healthy, happy mum refreshed for the other 6 days a week and all the nights too instead of needlessly martyring herself to motherhood and making herself ill in the process. Now THAT'S more likely to harm.

I work two days a week for financial reasons! My DD had to go into nursery at 3months I did feel better once she had had all her jabs though
You do what's best for baby and mummy

She does loads at nursery I will say. Activities I would have never of thought of doing with a 3 month old! Painting etc. She has really happy days there and the staff love her x

Take care and good luck OP. Do what feels right for your family. Ignore the negative posters- if you don't have family support around to take the baby for a bit then buy it in - I so wish I'd done that when DD was a baby instead of struggling on on my own and being miserable for her whole first year.

An ex colleague had to go back to work fully time when both her children were six weeks- she couldn't afford to be off any longer (and this is in the U.K.). Both children are thriving, happy, fun, delightful individuals now so going into childcare at that age hasn't harmed them.

I wouldn't have done it, but 10 years on I've come to conclusion that mothers need to do whatever is necessary to help themselves cope and - hopefully - to enjoy their children. Two half days would be better than one long day but in the end it's good for a baby not to have a depressed worn-out mum.

I wouldn't to be honest. Can't you hire a nanny instead? And what about feeding? You need to teach him to drink from a bottle before sending him to nursery.

I think the two half days would be more practical at this stage- mainly for milk supply. Also it's a couple of catch-ups in the week. Having baby cared for off site would be more restful than having baby plus additional help in the home.

DS1 went into nursery at 10 months. I intended to be doing casual supply teaching, but as I'd been out of the loop for a while and only available one day a week, work wasn't exactly forthcoming. Until I found a better part time temporary contract, I kept him in because that one day of doing things at my own pace was utterly invaluable for my wellbeing. I hadn't got any other family or available friends to do that for me, so that break was sourced out instead. My work situation has been variable, but the DCs have had continuity of their (mostly part-time) nursery place come term or holidays, employment/ maternity leave etc.

And what about feeding? You need to teach him to drink from a bottle before sending him to nursery.

It says right in the first post 'he takes a bottle well'.

Lovely ihatetosay. I hate to tell you that comments like that revel how ignorant you are. Hope making that ridiculous comment made you feel better about yourself.

DS key worker has just moved back into baby room so trust her implicitly.

This is an incredibly important statement. You know the nursery and there's someone in the baby room who you trust completely. Go for it. There are no prizes for being a martyr and whilst the baby won't necessarily get loads from the nursery he/she will be in safe hands and you can rest and relax knowing this. It's so important to look after your mental health.

YANBU, but I would definitely go for half days if you can, unless you want to spend your day off expressing...! Also because I'm a bit paranoid about naps and would worry about the baby not napping enough at nursery. But other than those practical issues I see no problems.

I think you need to do what makes you feel a bit more normal. We will be at our best "mumming" levels if we can/are lucky enough to/can afford to have some time away from baby and kids knowing they are in good and caring hands.

"It takes a village..." and all that. You will get the break you need and baby will be fine! Good luck

Wow what a dick IHateToSay is!!!

Do you have a partner or co-parent OP? What do they thibk about what you should do? Do they have any part to play in taking childcare responsibility?

It takes real courage to admit you need a break. Perhaps find a childminder or other alternative. One morning a week isn't enough for a small child to get used to a nursery.

I have a 12-week old. My 2.5 year old is in nursery three days per week. I am a huge advocator of good nurseries. My child's nursery is excellent and she loves it.

But I wouldn't put my 12 week old into the nursery. She cat naps too, the house is a riot and I'm exhausted. But you just push through it, it's a temporary situation it will get easier.

Far too young. Don't do that. Huge amount of faff and preparation for one day a week. Simplify it. You obviously need some help - can you find a babysitter for a few hours twice a week? It doesn't have to be a qualified nanny. Just someone to take them for a walk or sit downstairs with them while you wash your hair and have a nap. Ask around at the nursery, someone might have a cleaner or babysitter they can share.

It's sleep and some help you need not a nursery.

OP, if you're a single parent it's definitely not U to need some space from a three month old. However, a full day at nursery is quite a drastic step at that age, unless you really have no other option. Could you not get someone to come over to your house a few hours every morning instead? She could take the baby out in the pushchair or just occupy while you go out / sleep / whatever you need to do? Surely this would be cheaper and less stressful for you both?

It is true that your baby will come to no harm at nursery, but imo, it will be a highly stressful experience. At that age, babies are only conscious of being an extensionto you and possess no strategies to deal with separation. I'm a Child Psych and have studied the impact of separation at this age - most babies react by detachment to surroundings as a defence mechanism. It's not just the separation from you, all the noises of other voices, other babies screaming, different smells are highly stressful. I once read that it's comparable to an adult being left in a full football stadium all day. It's exhausting and a situation you survive, rather than thrive in.

If someone has to use full time nurseries at this age, at least the baby will have to adapt more quickly than if you put him / her in for the odd day. This will be totally disorientating at this age. Your child will be safe, but it is if no benefit to them.

I'm sorry if this sounds judgemental, but please read about attachment (John Bowlby is a start) and then decide if you still feel the same way.

I'm not saying that nursery will inevitably scar a child for life, but at 3 months, you could explore other options.

Amazed at the continued responses saying op should not get herself a perfectly reasonable break by using a nursery one day a week...my 7 year old dd is also doing fine despite having been in a nursery baby room 2 days a week from 3 months. Congratulations to all of you had managed to push through without any help and a baby and a toddler, just because you were able to, doesn't mean other people should make the same choices.

And what about the impact to babies of having a depressed/exhausted/non responsive caregiver? I doubt the research is very clear when you compare nursery and a mum that is below par.

It's hard to adjust sometimes. I think it sounds like you have some kind of PND? You definitely sound like you need support (and rest)

I personally wouldn't - 12 week old baby who is bf.

Home help/nanny for a bit?

YANBU I think it sounds like a sensible way to recharge. The setting is known and the staff you say trustworthy. You can have a bath then sleep for a long stretch - that will go a long way to help protect your mental health. There is nothing to be gained from you burning out.

Hi; I’m in much the same position with a 14 week old and no family help. I first started with post natal doula who was great but at £15 an hour I couldn’t justify; I’ve now found a fab cm round the corner for two mornings a week. He gets to play with different toys; I get some non mummy time and keep my sanity. Can’t recommend it highly enough; as so many posters have said your well-being is fundamental to baby and you need to prioritise that; whatever you need don’t feel guilty.

I wouldn’t have wanted a small baby to be cared for in any of the 4 “good” or “outstanding” London nurseries we used because IMO the standards weren’t great. Our DC were very often ill. Found childminders much better.

Why is the general feeling that a child minder is better than nursery

not sure, I actually think the opposite. Nurseries have a variety of staff and if a child is really playing up, a staff member can walk away and someone else can give them a break. A childminder has a few kids and must get as frazzled as a mum of 4 kids would and has no options for a break. The ratio is 1:3 for a baby in a nursery, a childminder can have up to 5 kids although I think only one can be under the age of 1.

And you're only talking about one day a week. Full time nursery might be too much for a 3 month old, but one day a week sounds fine to me.