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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there was really no need for that?

102 replies

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:23

Nice afternoon with the dcs. They watched a film, had some popcorn and generally enjoyed themselves.
Both me and H in the background vaguely watching with them.
Film end, the dcs start going back to their bedroom. H stops them and ask them to tidy up the packets of popcorn etc.. All fair enough.
Dcs bring the stuff in the kitchen incl 2 empty bowls and leave them on the worktop. Dishwasher has just finished running.
H started to get annoyed and had a go saying it's unacceptable. They should empty the dishwasher and then tidy up the two bowls.

Now it's dcs job to fill and empty the dishwasher. They were going to do it anyway 2 hours later after dinner.
Dc1 tried to explain that worked better for them. Nope, H wasn't having it.
Dc2 tried to escape by going to his bedroom and was told off.
Cue for two dcs grumpy and annoyed who ended up having a go at each other and in effect releasing their anger on their sibling rather than their dad.

Is it really unreasonable to think that it was really up to them to decide when to do that task?
H is convinced his way is better because it means more work afterwards, work he isn't going to do. Plus they should do as they are told.
I'm saying that it spoiled what was a really nice afternoon. The dcs need to learn what is working or not by trying it rather than because they are told to so, aka learning from their own mistakes. and I would have left two bowls that were more or less clean anyway So really there was no need to make such a fuss over that.

Both dcs are teenagers.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 01/10/2017 19:24

Agree with you.

Nanny0gg · 01/10/2017 19:29

Surely stuff in dishwasher had to cool down first anyway?

Abbylee · 01/10/2017 19:30

Don't expect many visits after they move out.

Tilapia · 01/10/2017 19:32

Agree with you. Now my DS1 is older (nearly a teen) I'm making a conscious effort to let him decide when to do the things he knows he needs to do, rather than tell him. It helps him learn to make decisions and manage his own time rather than just follow orders.

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:34

I'm pissed off.
H seems to work on the assumptions that they are lazy buggers ready to do as little as possible. And that they need to learn that of the dishwasher needs emptying then they have to do it (just right now??).

What he doesn't see is that actually they are the most helpful teens you could have around when he isn't around

OP posts:
Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:34

i would have made them do it right away too.

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2017 19:37

I'm a bit unsure where the dishwasher comes into it.

I would have just pointed out that they need to quickly was the bowls up after themselves.

It takes minutes.

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:37

Tilapia yes I agree.
Dc2 was telling me that actually being in his back telling to do xxx is putting him off. He much refers to do things in his own time, his own way.
I told DH that. But clearly his dc pov is not that important.

We've had words too about being constantly on Dc1 back re tidying up his bedroom.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/10/2017 19:37

Sorry, I meant 'why' the dishwasher comes into it.

Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:38

I don't understand why they wouldn't do it right then when they were in the kitchen, the dishwasher was finished and there were dirty dishes that needed putting in?

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:39

worra because to be able to put the bowls in the dishwasher, they needed to empty the dishwasher first.

Or they could have left two nearby clean bowls (they only had popcorn in) on the worktop until dinner, when they wouod have emptied the dishwasher and tidy everything anyway.

OP posts:
Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:39

Bowls aren't clean if they had popcorn in them!

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2017 19:43

Why wouldn't they just quickly wash the bowls up, that's what I don't get? Confused

As I said, it takes minutes.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 01/10/2017 19:44

You are setting yourself up for a huge amount of issues in the future if you genuinely believe that teenagers will learn from their mistakes by being allowed to tidy as and when they like.

Go and have a look at the untidy bedrooms thread and you'll see that most teenagers are in fact happy to live in complete squaller, and giving them free rein over if they tidy or not generally means they just won't bother.

Your dh is absolutely right, and you are allowing them to play you off against each other by letting them do as they like.

Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:45

I agree Worra. Depending in the size of the bowl woo I wouldn't want them in the dishwasher because they would take up tons of room and not be that dirty. (If they were bogging I'd put them in but it would take literally no time to swish them round and leave them to dry)

Mrskeats · 01/10/2017 19:46

Some people could have an argument in an empty house
This was worth ruining an afternoon over?

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:48

But they would have empty that dishwasher. Neither me nor DH would have done it.
So completely different that thread about teenager bedroom where in effect they HAVE to tidy if they don't want to.

It's not a question of whether they would have done it or not. But one about WHEN they would have done it.

'Nearly clean' bowls means they wer slightiy sticky but didn't have food/sauce/anything smelly/grease etc... that might have warranted a wash immediately.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 01/10/2017 19:48

My teenagers have neat rooms and don't have to be asked to sort their stuff out. Complete squalor? Not here

Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:49

But the dishwasher was finished and there was dirty stuff to go in. So why wouldn't you empty it then and there?

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:50

Well I didn't create the atmosphere....

Nor did I let the dcs split us up. As it didn't intervene at all. I let H handling it, let the dcs fight (intervene just to bring a little bit of peace back).

OP posts:
Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:51

So you did intervene.

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:51

Expemsive but why would you when you know that you will do it in a couple of hours anyway?

Is there never a time when you decide to do all the same stuff all in one go rather than doing it bit by bit across the day?

OP posts:
LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:52

Why should I have left them fight too??
Or wait for DH to intervene, something he has never done anyway because he only knows how to give orders?

OP posts:
Expemsiveuniform · 01/10/2017 19:52

No because the bowls would be sitting all dirty.

They were in the kitchen at the dishwasher/sink why wouldn't they empty it there and then?

MrsJamesAspey · 01/10/2017 19:52

My ex was like this, just seemed to enjoy nagging the kids for the sheer hell of it. As long as the dishwasher is sorted after dinner and put on then that’s all that matters plus having happy teens who are moody enough

LTB GrinGrin

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