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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there was really no need for that?

102 replies

LewisThere · 01/10/2017 19:23

Nice afternoon with the dcs. They watched a film, had some popcorn and generally enjoyed themselves.
Both me and H in the background vaguely watching with them.
Film end, the dcs start going back to their bedroom. H stops them and ask them to tidy up the packets of popcorn etc.. All fair enough.
Dcs bring the stuff in the kitchen incl 2 empty bowls and leave them on the worktop. Dishwasher has just finished running.
H started to get annoyed and had a go saying it's unacceptable. They should empty the dishwasher and then tidy up the two bowls.

Now it's dcs job to fill and empty the dishwasher. They were going to do it anyway 2 hours later after dinner.
Dc1 tried to explain that worked better for them. Nope, H wasn't having it.
Dc2 tried to escape by going to his bedroom and was told off.
Cue for two dcs grumpy and annoyed who ended up having a go at each other and in effect releasing their anger on their sibling rather than their dad.

Is it really unreasonable to think that it was really up to them to decide when to do that task?
H is convinced his way is better because it means more work afterwards, work he isn't going to do. Plus they should do as they are told.
I'm saying that it spoiled what was a really nice afternoon. The dcs need to learn what is working or not by trying it rather than because they are told to so, aka learning from their own mistakes. and I would have left two bowls that were more or less clean anyway So really there was no need to make such a fuss over that.

Both dcs are teenagers.

What do you think?

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 01/10/2017 19:54

I totally agree with you, OP. And actually I don't agree kids should be taught to do their chores exactly when they're told. They should have set responsibilities and manage their chores and time themselves, taking into account the impact on the rest of the family. Otherwise, you get grown men (mostly) expecting instructions on which chores to do when, like we see all the time on here.

Mumof217 · 01/10/2017 19:55

Sounds like my dad needless to say we dont have a relationship now

pigeondujour · 01/10/2017 19:56

Also, I really doubt it's the norm to wash up two bowls that haven't had something that will congeal in them, when you're going to be doing the dishwasher very shortly. Waste of time and water.

hiccupgirl · 01/10/2017 20:05

I agree OP, the bowls would have been fine sat on the side till this evening, especially if you're confident they would have done the dishwasher at dinner time.

Sounds like your DH likes to cause arguments just so he can remind your DSs whose in charge.

ButchyRestingFace · 01/10/2017 20:08

I can understand why they didn't want to unload the dishwasher right there, right then.

But why couldn't they have washed the bowls in the sink? That would have taken a few seconds. Confused

another20 · 01/10/2017 20:08

If it was going to happen shortly then dont see the need to insist it was done immediately.

But my in my house I have had to put a deadline and a consequence in otherwise it doesnt happen.....and I just dont want to nag.

They each have a 5 min job to do everyday which they rotate each week - so one empties the DW the other sweeps the kitchen floor.

They have a 24hr period to do it - and I wont dish out their dinner until it is done......sounds extreme....but they have never gone hungry. Job always gets done just when dinner is ready - never at any other earlier point and I am happy with that.

Works a treat!!!!

Original poster
LewisThere · 01/10/2017 20:09

Actually sometimes I do feel like LTB

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 01/10/2017 20:10

Dad sounds like a real drag.

Why wasn't it suggested that the bowls were washed by hand and then the dishwasher would be unloaded and reloaded a bit later when it was more practical?

LindyHemming · 01/10/2017 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LewisThere · 01/10/2017 20:13

The thing they ALWAYS put all the dirty plates etc... in the dishwasher. And they ALWAYS empty the dishwasher.
They also ALWAYS do it just after a meal.

There was no hesitation at all in wether this would be done. And there would have been no nagging needed nor reminder for that matter.

So much so that they do it automatically if we are at friends or family (take stuff back to the kitchen, put plates in dishwasher etc...)

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 01/10/2017 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LewisThere · 01/10/2017 20:16

Actually suffocating is really the right word..

OP posts:
becotide · 01/10/2017 20:21

God how tiresome, to have to parent the parent.

Butterymuffin · 01/10/2017 20:23

If they're generally good kids and get stuff done, seems heavy handed to make an issue of two empty popcorn bowls. And you say this is a regular thing with him?

Corcory · 01/10/2017 20:26

Oh dear, I think your DH really needs to take a chill pill! In our house I have long ago decided not to sweat the small stuff. We have two teens both with ASD, ADHD and learning difficulties and your DH wouldn't last 5 mins in our house.

Northernparent68 · 01/10/2017 20:27

If this is a one off, I'd let it go.if it's a pattern of behaviour on your husbands part you need to talk. However I do think your sons are paying you both against each other.

Idontevencareanymore · 01/10/2017 20:30

I must be a right slovenly mess then, I'd have left bowls on the side and waited to load/unload dishwasher after dinner.

Seems a bit petty really

Original poster
LewisThere · 01/10/2017 20:33

Idont I would have done the same.
And actually H has been known to leave stuff on the worktop too.....

OP posts:
firawla · 01/10/2017 20:34

I’m with you. What an overreaction, they were going to do it later anyway. It’s only two popcorn bowls!

Alittlepotofrosie · 01/10/2017 20:34

Back in the real world, of course it's ok for the bowls to sit on the side until dinner.

JennyLane · 01/10/2017 20:38

In our home certain jobs are done at certain times. So, you want your screen time.. the playroom needs to be tidied. If it's not tidied you don't get it. If you drag your feet and take 45 minutes, you're eating in to your own screen time and won't get it back.
It sounds like your kids manage their chores well and it seems silly to make an issue of it. Maybe a chat with husband to establish the rules, such as dishwasher is emptied and reloaded before bed..

HotelEuphoria · 01/10/2017 20:40

Ok, so if I had washing up to put in the dishwasher and it was running, I would leave them until it had finished if I couldn't squeeze them in half way through the cycle if the machine was finished, then I would empty the machine there and then and put the dirty popcorn bowls in it. Why wait?

Go figure.

smileygrapefruit · 01/10/2017 20:40

You sound like you've really had enough. I don't think this is just about whether the bowls were washed although this is perhaps the straw that breaks the camel's back for you?

Who gets wound up about two bowls on the side for a few hours ffs?

Moanyoldcow · 01/10/2017 20:42

I'm with you and DC. My son is too young to have concrete chores as yet (just helps put washing in the machine and dishes in the washer etc) but I hope that we can have allocated jobs that are done at their convenience within reason.

If yours have no issue sling their chores (and it sounds like they don't), then insisting it's done immediately is just your DH flexing his power.

HackneyP · 01/10/2017 20:42

He sounds overbearing and belligerent. YANBU