To not know how to deal with DSs bedroom situation?

[ProverbialOuthouse]

DSs are 16 and 18. For weeks now I've been asking them to tidy their rooms. Nothing has been done despite them both spending plenty of time in them.

Yesterday they went to their dad's house for the night and I couldn't bare it anymore so went in to tidy them.

From DS1s room I came out with 4 "bags for life" full of recyclables. Empty bottles, cans, boxes and papers. There were 4 empty 2l Dr Pepper bottles, 3 packs of empty Coke cans (so about 12 cans), 4 milkshake bottles, 3 McDonald's meal wrappers and cups and around 5 empty cardboard boxes just thrown all over the floor. Basically our blue bin was emptied on Friday and by the time I'd finished in there it was full again. On top of that I came out with 4 bags of general rubbish - sweet wrappers, crisp packets, pot noodle pots, plastic bags ... on top of that there was mucky clothes, plates, mouldy food and general shit lying all over.

DS2s room wasn't quite as bad but still full of empty sweet packets, mucky clothes, half eaten sandwiches and bottles and cans.

I know people will say "why are you tidying their rooms? Just don't go in!" But it's my fucking house!! They're disgusting and it's stressing me out that two of the rooms in my house look like opium dens.

What can I do to stop this??? They just completely ignore me.

Shut the door. Leave it shut.

Do no washing for them.

It's the only way.

Explain that they need to put rubbish in the bin and not keep it in their rooms.

Give them a week.

If their rooms are as bad in a week then no more clothes washing for them.

It's not just about clothes is it - it's wrappings from food, drink cans etc so no cooking for them either and tell them you will be doing a 7 am room check every day from now on until they change.

I would shut the doors and ignore them.
Any washing not in the basket doesn't get done (or you could just leave them to wash thier own clothes and bedding).
Thier adults making thier own choices on how they live.

What do they want and value (I'm guessing tech here, and Internet access)?

Take what they want away until they comply with your prefectly reasonable rules for living in your house.

Sounds not much worse that a standard teenage bedroom tbh. I just blitz my DDs’ rooms every so many months when we run out of plates, cutlery, glasses etc in the way you describe.

I have stopped doing the washing for mine

The house gets hoovered once a week and they have to pick up stuff from the floor so they can do it

I don't agree that they should be allowed to leave rubbish all over the place
Do they earn their own money? If you are giving pocket money, stop.

If calm requests have not helped then I think it's time to throw an almighty shit fit.

... And yes, warning, then internet access taken away. When they live in their own house they can choose how to live.

... also, the logical outcome of them not bringing plates down is there are no clean plates. So they don't get to take food into their rooms

Time to instigate consequences. Give them fair warning and then start a room inspection once a week.

I would have laid out all the rubbish and showed them what a pig sty they lived in. I would have also photographed it and threatened to publicly shame them with it.

From now on they have to have to clean their rooms once a week or (insert punishment / withdrawal of privileges here).

You are raising future adults who will have to live independently and with other people, do them a kindness by being tough!

My 15 year old's room is pretty gross. He knows the rules. When he wants money off me (usually twice a week for his hobby) his room has to be done to a reasonable standard - pots down, washing down, bed made, bin emptied - before I hand over the cash.
I don't think that's unreasonable. Try that.

Oh, just realised the older is 18. Well, he can abide by your rules or move out!

Where are they getting the money for the junk food?

Ban junk being brought into the house.

Failing that take their mattresses off their beds!

I do a weekly to inspection,I tried to ignore it but it was bordering on squalor.

I disagree with posters that say to leave it unless you want rats and mice moving in.

Turn the WiFi off. They can do their own washing too.

Ban food and drink from the bedrooms for October. You treated them like responsible young people but they haven't behaved like them so they get that privilege taken away.

Op it sounds like they have a reasonable amount of spending money from the crap listed.

I'd withhold any cash you give them to engage a cleaner for their room specifically. Or charge them if they've got jobs.

Maybe they'll figure it out. Don't be their skivvy.

Also change the wifi password and keep it until room is clean

Your house your rules

I wouldn’t be bothered by general teenage untidiness but this goes way beyond that. A 16 and an 18 year old are more than capable of putting rubbish in a bin. Leaving food around to go mouldy is just disgusting. It shows disrespect for you and your home. No way would I just leave them to it. Withholding the wifi password if they don’t clean up might work.

A one week warning then no money, cooking, washing or internet access til its done.

Alternatively, take bin bags, pile everything into them - clothes, gadgets, rubbish, the lot, then throw the lot at the bottom of the garden.

Turn off WiFi
Ban food and drink from entering bedrooms. A glass of water at bedtime being the exception.
Don't give them any money.
If they don't like it they can move out.

That level of mess isn't normal and isn't just something you should ignore because they are teenagers. At 16 and 18 they are young men, too old to be wallowing in their own shit.

No WIFI. If that doesnt work no games consoles. I think that would have more effect on teenage boys than not washing.
If they want to act like children they should be treated like them.

I'd be more concerned about the amount of junk that DS1 is eating! That's a hideous amount of sugar...