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Original poster

To not know how to deal with DSs bedroom situation?

123 replies

ProverbialOuthouse · 01/10/2017 09:20

DSs are 16 and 18. For weeks now I've been asking them to tidy their rooms. Nothing has been done despite them both spending plenty of time in them.

Yesterday they went to their dad's house for the night and I couldn't bare it anymore so went in to tidy them.

From DS1s room I came out with 4 "bags for life" full of recyclables. Empty bottles, cans, boxes and papers. There were 4 empty 2l Dr Pepper bottles, 3 packs of empty Coke cans (so about 12 cans), 4 milkshake bottles, 3 McDonald's meal wrappers and cups and around 5 empty cardboard boxes just thrown all over the floor. Basically our blue bin was emptied on Friday and by the time I'd finished in there it was full again. On top of that I came out with 4 bags of general rubbish - sweet wrappers, crisp packets, pot noodle pots, plastic bags ... on top of that there was mucky clothes, plates, mouldy food and general shit lying all over.

DS2s room wasn't quite as bad but still full of empty sweet packets, mucky clothes, half eaten sandwiches and bottles and cans.

I know people will say "why are you tidying their rooms? Just don't go in!" But it's my fucking house!! They're disgusting and it's stressing me out that two of the rooms in my house look like opium dens.

What can I do to stop this??? They just completely ignore me.

OP posts:
Carouselfish · 01/10/2017 11:29

'Don't be a skivvy' followed by 'engage a cleaner for their rooms'. So...employ someone else to be their 'skivvy'? Nice. Not teaching them much there. How about charging them money for the amount of time it takes you to tidy their room if it falls below a certain level of hygiene? But even then, they'll probably choose paying you over not being lazy.

happypoobum · 01/10/2017 11:29

DS17 is like this - as is his GF Sad

I don't give him any money as he works. I only do washing that he puts in washing basket. I no longer iron for him, as I got fed up of ironing things and then seeing them all screwed up on the floor the next day because he wouldn't even be bothered to put them away properly (I can't get near his wardrobe without climbing over things which I refuse to do)

If I take away internet access he will just go to his dads around the corner or stay at his GFs.

I do try to just shut the door and forget about it but I know it's there

I am selling next year and have told DS he will have to move out to dads whilst we sell, and he just smiled and nodded. He knows he's a messy sod but it really doesn't seem to bother him....

Parker231 · 01/10/2017 11:29

Stop providing the snacks or them having the money to buy them. No food or drinks in the bedrooms. At the weekend the WiFi is disabled until bedding is changed, rooms hoovered and laundry done.

grannytomine · 01/10/2017 11:32

When mine were that age the rule was if I could see it they had to tidy it so there doors were kept firmly shut. They say now that they can't believe why they chose to live like that, it was a learning curve and they grew out of it. I couldn't spare the energy to worry about it.

MynewnameisKy · 01/10/2017 11:36

We turn the router off. It's amazing how quick they come out of their rooms with no Wifi. It goes back on when chores are done.

They are my children though, not step ones

We also do chore Chart for pocket money. No chores done = no money.

MynewnameisKy · 01/10/2017 11:39

If you're not squeamish about Rats borrow a couple of pet ones and give them a bit of a shock!! Grin

MynewnameisKy · 01/10/2017 11:40

Sorry just realised I read the OP wrong and they aren't step children. Blush

LesLavandes · 01/10/2017 11:45

I agree 'my house, my rules'. However if they choose not to obey rules, it can become a very difficult situation. Teenage boys can be aggressive and it seems OP lives on her own. Punishments like turning Wifi off are useless. They will turn it on again. I feel for you OP.

EmeraldIsle100 · 01/10/2017 11:45

The only thing that worked for me was helping them do a complete clean and encouraging them every few days to do a quick tidy up. They loved the clean look and with a bit of encouragement you can jolly them along. I took this approach following years of war over their rooms aka rubbish pits.

I think they were overwhelmed with the mess and couldn't face it. Teenagers are tricky and can be moody and anxious. They look like they know it all but they have a lot to cope with.

My DD loved hers clean and even got herself a Yankee candle which makes it feel lovely.

I still have to encourage them but we are not at war.

happypoobum · 01/10/2017 11:49

I did that emerald including the yankee candle Grin but within a week it was back to Total Squalor.

I feel like I don't want to have to keep cleaning and tidying it just to see it disintegrate again and again. Even if I drive off to work with the router in my car (have done this) DS will just go to dads or GFs for internet, or use his mobile data (dad pays for it)

I guess I will miss all that mess in a strange way once he is away at uni though Smile

CatsOclock · 01/10/2017 11:51

Some great ideas here. Please, please take serious action, for the benefit of their future partners and your relationship with them!

I would definitely cut off their WiFi. I would stop doing their washing. I would probably scatter something extra in their beds. I would cook only basic rations for them (boys are very food motivated ime). And, importantly, I would tell them clearly what the new rules are and stick to them exactly. It's time they learned.

EmeraldIsle100 · 01/10/2017 11:51

It does take encouragement!

CatsOclock · 01/10/2017 11:54

You don't have to get real rats/mice - you can plant 'evidence' - chewed up things, bedding. Do you know anyone who could give you some droppings?

CatsOclock · 01/10/2017 11:55

Or, do you know anyone who's cat brings in dead mice???

CatsOclock · 01/10/2017 11:56

*whose

Doggymum88 · 01/10/2017 11:59

I would wait until they are both out and empty one room. Stick both beds in there and lock the other door.

When they get back tell them that since they wont tidy their rooms and expect you to do it, they are now going to share so you only have one to tidy.

As a teen i couldnt imagine anything worse than being forced to share a room with my sibling after having our own space!

CatsOclock · 01/10/2017 12:03

Good idea, Doggy! I like it. I was just thinking you could remove their beds and bedding and give them a sleeping bag but I like the sharing idea. Less cleaning and they might end up training each other.

Ironmanrocks · 01/10/2017 12:25

My bil and sis had this problem with their daughter. They gave her a week and threatened her with taking everything out of her room until she could keep it tidy. She didn't comply so they bagged up everything bar clothes and took it to the garage until she could keep it clean. It took a while and she was rather embarrassed. But it worked!

treeofhearts · 01/10/2017 12:46

I would ban food upstairs completely. If they want a drink or food they need to come down and have it. Once a week, change the WIFI password or turn off the electric to their bedroom sockets and refuse to let them have the new password until their rooms are in an acceptable state.

happypoobum · 01/10/2017 12:53

tree the problem with those kinds of measures is that if OP works, it's not going to be possible for her to police this.

If teens want to eat upstairs, no amount of "it's banned" is going to make a difference is it if parents aren't around? Most older teens would have no problem turning the electricity back on, and would just use phone data or go elsewhere for wifi. If they are working they won't be dependent on parents for money either.

I have done the bagging everything up, including laptop etc, and that didn't even work.He just used his phone (which his dad pays for) and wore different clothes/bought new ones.

Honestly I am stumped. I hope you sort your two out OP Flowers

YetAnotherNC2017 · 01/10/2017 12:53

Ban eating upstairs, for a start.

I don't care how old they are - your house, so you make the rules.

YetAnotherNC2017 · 01/10/2017 12:56

Also re wifi - I'd be tempted to put it in my bedroom, installing another line if necessary. Then put a lock on my bedroom door.

VioletCharlotte · 01/10/2017 13:05

Mine are the same age and their rooms get in a similar state (minus the McDonald's containers).

I don't make too much of a thing of it really, when it's annoying me, I nag enough and they do it eventually. We've got a pretty relaxed relationship and this works for us.

Starting banning wifi, etc, will just cause no end of aggro (have witnessed this with my friend, he DH and their DS).

They'll be gone in a few years, you'll miss them then Smile

SilverySurfer · 01/10/2017 13:06

I feel sorry for the women who will eventually be in a serious relationship with these lazy lumps. The wifi suggestion is an excellent one and I would also be removing and hiding game consoles, phones etc until they do as you ask.

See if a local pet store would give you some mouse droppings and place them in their beds Grin

treeofhearts · 01/10/2017 13:07

Really? Most teens I know would have no fucking clue how to work a fusebox or mains board. You can also get locks to put on the cupboard they are in. The WIFI you can lock the router in your room when you're not home and phones run out of battery as do battery packs eventually and with no electric they can't recharge them.