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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to get a 'proper' job?

97 replies

Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:06

Basically we are relocating to the coast and I currently have my own business, I will loose my clients when we eventually move but I intend to set up again and get new clients.
But DH keeps saying 'when we move you can get a proper job' I haven't been employed by anyone else since DD was born 13 yrs ago and I was made redundant when on maternity leave. It made more financial sense for me to be a sahm and we now have 2 DC, one at secondary and the other in year 6.
AIBU not to want a proper job and rebuild my business instead? The only jobs I could get would be supermarket or unskilled as I don't have any real qualifications. I make good money being self employed...not loads but enough to pay all the food bills, petrol and household items etc and we aren't skint.
I'd probably earn less being employed by someone else and being self employed fits around school hrs.
I don't mind getting a qualification to get a more well paid job as both kids will be in secondary school next sept and I won't be as needed.
But I genuinely like my work, enjoy choosing my hours and having evenings and weekends free if I want.
Am I a cowbag? DH is making me feel a bit lazy to be honest and I'm genuinely wondering if I am or if maybe he just feels a bit jealous/fed up that he's the main earner?

Sorry for the long ramblings lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:08

Also just to add I have been self employed albeit 2 different businesses for the last 7 years roughly.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 30/09/2017 10:11

If you can make reasonable money and get satisfaction from having your own business, then do it. Did he voice any concerns when the children were younger or did you staying at home suit his career then?

Penny4UrThoughts · 30/09/2017 10:14

Ooh it has only been a couple of years since I gave up employment in favour of self-employment. I would not fancy going back to having a boss as a permanent measure.

Although in the short term I would probably get a part time job while I built my business back up. Would that be an option?

Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:15

We really didn't have a choice, I couldn't have a 'proper' job as childcare for 2 kids would of been completely out of our price range, my wages would not of covered people looking after our kids.
He's not being nasty, just keeps saying it and it's beginning to get on my nerves.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 30/09/2017 10:17

Sounds sensible. Just don't get distracted about what is or isn't a proper job.

FenceSitter01 · 30/09/2017 10:17

I always want to know what all these self employed businesses are. because I'm nosey But more to the point, what's your real hours pay rates? Because if you are working 20 hours a week on, say Avon, faffing with orders and door knocking but only making £50 profit, then you might just as well a regular unskilled job, one that provided you with regular income, a pension, holiday and sick pay etc, Unless of course, it affects tax credits.

Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:19

Penny, I wouldn't mind looking for a part time job but I would literally only be able to get a supermarket job, therefore the hours would be all over the place and with DS being at primary school still that wouldn't be possible.
Maybe the problem is my business is being a dog walker so it doesn't seem like a proper job at all to some people? It is to me though and I love it, my business is doing very well and I'm sure I'll have no problem rebuilding and I will also be able to offer daycare and overnight boarding so potentially even more money to be made.

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 30/09/2017 10:20

Next time he says it say "you do realise we'd be worse off as a family if I did get a 'proper' job? We'd have to pay for childcare so we'd end up with less coming in each month. Why do you keep saying I should go work for someone else rather than be self employed?"

He might not really have thought about it. Or he might think this is what you want and is trying to say he's happy to suck up the loss.

Butterymuffin · 30/09/2017 10:22

Sounds like it would work. Also the job market isn't kind to returners after a long break. Have you asked him why he's so keen on the 'proper job' idea?

Tilapia · 30/09/2017 10:23

Time to have a proper chat about this with your DH. Have you explained to him that you won't be able to earn more in a NMW job than you currently do? Have you asked him whether he is prepared to pick up the kids from school some days (or pay someone else to) if you get a less flexible job? Have the two of you discussed other careers that you could train for?

FenceSitter01 · 30/09/2017 10:23

But dog walking is good money? Tell him to pipe down!

Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:23

Fence sitter, as above I'm a dog walker (I also like a nose! lol)
I make between £100 & £150 a week. When business was booming I was making £400 a week. Sadly it evens itself out with no holiday pay, sick pay etc. Some weeks on the summer hols or Christmas I can make £0 but I save for those weeks.
New house has a HUGE garden so I will probably concentrate on doggy daycare and just a small group walk at lunch.

OP posts:
Tilapia · 30/09/2017 10:24

You're not being lazy, but you need to communicate with DH about this as it definitely sounds like he thinks you are!

gingerh4ir · 30/09/2017 10:25

depends how much you need the second income. Being the sole earner can be a huge pressure and you may need the extra £££ now not once you have rebuild your business.

If a woman would have posted about her DH not wanting to work (in the absence of small DC) and instead plans on 'rebuilding' his business, the reaction would be probably different.

Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:27

I have mentioned I wouldn't earn half as much and what would we do about childcare.
I obviously need to sit down and talk to mhim properly, he obviously hasn't realised how much it's upsetting me.
I think it makes me feel like I don't have an actual job and I come across lazy...being a dog walker I'm defo not haha, drugging around in all weathers walking for miles.
Maybe it's a little bit of jealously on his part as I don't have a boss and obviously enjoy what I do :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:28

Drudging! Not drugged haha he'd have reason to be miffed! :)

OP posts:
Catinabeanbag · 30/09/2017 10:29

What is a 'proper' job anyway?
Sounds like you have a perfectly proper job to me- it's just a little unusual, and probably the sort of job a lot of people would love to have. You're offering a service; peple are willing to pay. It's legal and above board...... it's a job.
Personally I'd say stick with it and build your business up again, but that's because I'd like a job like yours so I'm a little bit envious Grin.
How does your husband feel about you being a dog walker? Might he be a bit.....funny about saying to new colleagues "My wife is a dog walker", and some of this is actually about him? (In which case he's being U).

GertiesEyebrow · 30/09/2017 10:30

Do you know why husband thinks it isn't a proper job?
I wouldn't consider it a proper job because I have an image in my head of someone going for a nice walk everyday and then sitting in the park eating ice cream.
I know it's probably not like that really. :)
I susppse as lomg as you can bring in a suitable income it doesn't matter though.
Would it be hard to get a new clinic base though?

Trampire · 30/09/2017 10:31

Yours is a 'proper job' OP! I know people who are giving up 'proper jobs' around here to become dog walkers! It's a great job.

I'm been self employed for 24 years and bring in good money. I'd be so angry if anyone described it as not a 'proper job'.

Original poster
Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:32

Ginger....yes you're right, if it was the other way around people would have a field day.
If we swapped roles that would be fine with me, I'd love to be the main earner and he can fit his own business around the kids, cleaning and cooking :)
I think I will find something to study so I can get a decent wage, so I'm proving that I'm not lazy and just get a lower paid job in the meantime.

OP posts:
JulyAphrodite · 30/09/2017 10:35

I haven't had a proper job in 22 years :) I love the freedom of being self-employed.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 30/09/2017 10:36

Don't assume he's being horrible though - I had a similar chat with DH recently as our youngest DC has started school, but it turns out that while he understands we'd be worse off than me being a SAHM if I went back to my old job and had to pay for childcare, he worried I wanted to work as previously I had felt bored and lonely at home and was trying to say we could afford to make a loss until DC1 is at secondary and not needing childcare, if I would be happier.

Don't assume he's being horrible, it could think this is what you want to do and feel 'trapped' by the costs of childcare/lack of opportunity where you currently live, or limited by needing any paid work to work out at least the same income as dog walking.

Or it could be he's worried about pensions, retirement, if you will be able to continue to do a physically demanding job long term etc.

Is it more likely your DH is being nasty/jealous/wants you to have to suffer as he does, or is it that he genuinely thinks you working for an employer would be better for you/the family, even if it means making less money each month to start with?

Chestervase1 · 30/09/2017 10:36

Your work is ideal for you and sounds like you will have scope to expand into boarding and daycare. It is perfect for your family circumstances. I think you should point out the benefits to him and also how much you contribute re all food shopping, etc

Kittychatcat · 30/09/2017 10:37

YANBU

KaliforniaDreamz · 30/09/2017 10:38

tell him raising a famiy is a job.