Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To not want to get a 'proper' job?

97 replies

Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:06

Basically we are relocating to the coast and I currently have my own business, I will loose my clients when we eventually move but I intend to set up again and get new clients.
But DH keeps saying 'when we move you can get a proper job' I haven't been employed by anyone else since DD was born 13 yrs ago and I was made redundant when on maternity leave. It made more financial sense for me to be a sahm and we now have 2 DC, one at secondary and the other in year 6.
AIBU not to want a proper job and rebuild my business instead? The only jobs I could get would be supermarket or unskilled as I don't have any real qualifications. I make good money being self employed...not loads but enough to pay all the food bills, petrol and household items etc and we aren't skint.
I'd probably earn less being employed by someone else and being self employed fits around school hrs.
I don't mind getting a qualification to get a more well paid job as both kids will be in secondary school next sept and I won't be as needed.
But I genuinely like my work, enjoy choosing my hours and having evenings and weekends free if I want.
Am I a cowbag? DH is making me feel a bit lazy to be honest and I'm genuinely wondering if I am or if maybe he just feels a bit jealous/fed up that he's the main earner?

Sorry for the long ramblings lol

OP posts:

KaliforniaDreamz · 30/09/2017 10:38

and a family too lol

Original poster

Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 10:39

Some of his colleagues have wives that earn a fortune, maybe he is embarrassed? I don't think he's like that though.
Being dragged across the countryside from 9.30 in the morning to 3pm without a break or time to stop for lunch is not just a walk in the park...haha...it's hard work and I'm very conscious that the dogs I walk are people's family members and I also have the responsibility of holding their house keys. I worry about dog theft, off lead dogs starting a fight, loosing keys, loosing dogs!
I have insurance and have to keep on top of my accounts for taxes etc so it's not all skipping about playing with puppies :)
Then I have to sort the kids and house...I'm crap at the last bit perhaps that's more the problem. No one likes a messy house but it's hard to keep on top of it all when you're out all day :/

OP posts:

Lesley1980 · 30/09/2017 10:39

I know someone who gave up her proper job of nursing & walks dogs for more money.

If it's bringing in enough money I don't see what the problem is.

orlantina · 30/09/2017 10:45

Do you know why husband thinks it isn't a proper job

What is a proper job anyway? At the end of the day, you are earning money. In jobs where someone employs you, you probably have a bit more protection but rely on other people on the company to help keep the company going. If you are self employed, you rely on you to keep it going.

Even someone with a 'proper job' can find themselves out of that job quickly if the company goes bust, loses clients, suffers from austerity etc etc.

Gorgosparta · 30/09/2017 10:49

For me it would depend on how long its going to take to build the business.

Tbf do you need to work around school.

If you were my dh and it would only takeba few months to build your business, i wouldnt be fussed. If i was exepctes to take full financial responsibility for a few years, i wouldnt be happy and want him to have a job while he builds it.

missadasmith · 30/09/2017 10:53

tell him raising a famiy is a job
for most people this goes hand in hand with providing financially too or are you suggesting that working parents don't raise a family?

thesandwich · 30/09/2017 11:02

Would it be worth doing the sums and showing him your projected business plan/ earnings v what you would eArn in a supermarket? The numbers should speak for themselves. Then get a cleaner to to thestuff you don’t enjoy 😁😁

Original poster

Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 11:02

It wouldn't takes years to rebuild just a few weeks, he earns good money so we aren't struggling at all.
Perhaps it would be nice to have a change? I'll start applying when we have an exchange date. At least that way we would see if it is better and he wouldnt think I'm being lazy.
Might be nice to have paid sick days and holidays and not be covered in mud or soaking wet nearly everyday :)

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 30/09/2017 11:04

I think your DH is being selfish. I've been supporting a family member while they start their own business. Its been very hard on all of us and we've pulled through it together.

I'm going to say to you what I said to them - you might not get another chance to try this. Give the business a good go. Set a sensible time limit - say 2 years, if in that time it hasnt moved get a part time job and do that alongside for another year or two while you re-evaluate.

swg1 · 30/09/2017 11:04

Have you considered doing cat-sitting (the type where you go to the owner's house and just feed/check litter-boxes/play with for a bit) to fill the gaps in summer and at Christmas? The lady we use is always ultra busy in the holidays because everyone's away!

orlantina · 30/09/2017 11:04

It wouldn't takes years to rebuild just a few weeks, he earns good money so we aren't struggling at all

You sound quite confident on that. How many similar businesses are there in the area you are relocating to?

Are there many dogs that need walking?

Longdistance · 30/09/2017 11:10

So your Dhs master plan when you get a 'proper' job is to pay the extra childcare, and do loads more around the house?... thought not...

zippydoodaar · 30/09/2017 11:13

I'd throw it back at him...
What do you mean by 'proper job'?
How much do you think that would pay?
How would I do that and fit in dropping off/picking up/dealing with sick children?

I do this to my Mum when she comes out with dreamed up crap and it makes her stop and think. She then tends to realise she is living in a parallel universe.

zippydoodaar · 30/09/2017 11:14

You will also need to outline to him that when you get the 'proper job' he will have to pick up the slack at home and childcare costs will be substantially higher even though you will probably be earning a lot less...

Original poster

Perfectday78 · 30/09/2017 11:20

Orlantina yes I'm very confident. Where we are now there's about 15 dog walkers, I'm still turning away work as I'm full. I've done research in the new area and again there are quite a few walkers, not as many as here, but that shows there's a need for it. After some googling I've found hardly anyone offers full daycare or home boarding. There are kennels but a lot of people prefer home from home.

I also offer home visits for any animals including chickens. It's very popular.

If I obviously ended up not contributing at all and the business wasn't viable of course I would get a 'proper' job. I don't want to sit around at home and I like having my own money.

We've never had a shared bank account and I'd never want one (unless he won the lottery of course ;) )

OP posts:

Appuskidu · 30/09/2017 11:21

maybe he just feels a bit jealous/fed up that he's the main earner?

That would be entirely understandable-the pressure on one person isn't fun.

Do you need much childcare if they're both in secondary next year? I would think in 2/3 years they wouldn't need much at all.

Goldmandra · 30/09/2017 11:31

I think you need to find out from him what he thinks the problem is with your current job.

Does he realise how many hours you are working?

Does he think you would earn more money if you weren't self-employed?

Does he think it's unfair that you get more time at home than he does?

Does he think you don't need to be around before and after school for your children once they are both in secondary school so could work longer hours?

Is it because he feels judged by others because you walk dogs for your living?

Once you know the issue, you'll have a better idea of how to solve it, even if that entails telling him that you're not bothered about judgy people and you would like to carry on earning your living in a way that suits you.

gandalf456 · 30/09/2017 11:48

I work in a supermarket and earn 200 -250 per week doing 19-27 hours per week. I'm on an evening /weekend contract and I do overtime when the children are at school.

If I did have a business, I wouldn't rush to give it up for that. While it is possible to fit supermarket work around school, it is tiring, you lose a bit of family and leisure time and it makes things a rush and a bit stressful. The environment can be gruelling. Managers can be stressy and it is v fast paced and hectic. A few customers can be tricky , too. Sometimes you can have a laugh and a bit of banter though. And I do like the security of having a regular job.

My husband sometimes pressed me to get a better job when the youngest started school. I threw the childcare argument at him too. And he quizzes me re the house, not realising I'm not there half the time or recovering from late shifts. I just ignore it but it is irritating.

My eldest is in yr 9 and youngest yr 4. I found he start of secondary hard because I found she needed me more and still did not like being home alone and they still like their friends here and activities

Mrskeats · 30/09/2017 11:57

I'm self employed and would not want to be bringing in 400 a month
My daughter works in a cafe for 20 hours a week and gets double that
Your dh may well be getting fed up of being the main breadwinner

gandalf456 · 30/09/2017 12:00

Presumably he did not get fed up with his dw doing all the childcare AND growing a business as soon as they started school so he could work and not worry about fitting everything in

Mrskeats · 30/09/2017 12:12

Where does it say the op did all childcare?
Kids grow up too so you have to reevaluate

ReanimatedSGB · 30/09/2017 12:18

I think your scheme sounds fine as long as you're sure there's a need for dogwalkers/dogsitters in your new area. I think I heard something about people outside big cities being less inclined to have pets they can't look after without assistance, but that may be nonsense.

It's a perfectly valid business, anyway. Good luck.

gandalf456 · 30/09/2017 12:22

It's obvious. She started 7 yrs ago. Her eldest is 13. She starts at 9.30 and ends at 3. He's not there to do the childcare

Slimthistime · 30/09/2017 12:22

it sounds like he is fed up of being the main earner
is that so terrible?

maybe he wants to rearrange in some way, kids will get older etc.

maybe he wants more security from your income e.g. a job with sick pay.

I am hopefully going to do "not a proper job" from next year so I guess he's using a lazy way of saying "not a job with all the sick pay etc etc".

missadasmith · 30/09/2017 12:25

she starts at 9.30 and ends at 3. He's not there to do the childcare

there is a lot more to childcare than before and after school. there are early morning, evenings, taking kids to sleep, night wakings, weekends. It is absurd and pretty insulting to FT working parents to say that a parent with a full time job does not do any form of childcare.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread