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Original poster

How strict to be with DC about leaving food on plate...

145 replies

Ricekrispie22 · 29/09/2017 19:52

what do you do when your children don't like something you dish up for them? What is reasonable? What are the rules regarding leaving food in your house? Thanks

OP posts:
littlechou · 30/09/2017 09:13

We serve ourselves at our house (or say stop if someone else is dishing up). That way DC can choose how much they want, I am therefore quite strict that they finish what they have chosen.

I insist they have some form of veg on their plate and they’re ok with this as it’s what they’re used to.

MrsKoala · 30/09/2017 10:16

I serve 3-4 separate/differerent versions of meals for every meal time. It's horrible (I realised the other day probably 70% of my time is on food in some way), I used to love cooking, now I hate it.

There are foods my children tolerate and one type of food ds1 loves (frankfurters). However, he doesn't love it enough that he would eat something else to have it.

I also can't do one dinner for everyone as we eat at different times (kids 5 me and dh 9). The one dinner a week we eat is a Sunday roast and everyone eats some component of that but it can only be chicken or gammon. And I do one cooked breakfast at weekends where one will eat beans, the other sausages, the other eggs.

It's fucking miserable.

But I remember being a fussy child and being forced to eat cold peas thru sobs by child minders. And I don't want to make an issue of food the way it was with me.

(It's complicated as ds1 hassensory issues and ds2 has copied him)

coddiwomple · 30/09/2017 10:36

Mrs Koala,
what about batch cooking? You would probably need a spreadsheet to keep track by the sound of it, but freezing individual portions, one freezer draw per family member.. You could still cook one fresh meal a day, but use the frozen portions to complement what you are doing for the fussy ones.
Could that help?

The main source of vegetable for my youngest is smoothies! Hand made, veg are hidden among the fruits. I wasn't convinced, but I now use my Nutribullet every day. I do hide vegetables everywhere, but my kids have no excuse or reason to be fussy so they must eat 1 or 2 spoonfuls of everything.

maddening · 30/09/2017 10:41

One alternative is making a big dish and they put on to their own plate what they will eat - it can help them learn their own portion control

reallyanotherone · 30/09/2017 11:31

I have a child who had fairly severe reflux until toddlerhood.

Several adults have tried to make her eat food she doesn’t like. They tend to get vomited over as her vomit reflex is still very strong.

Oysterbabe · 30/09/2017 11:36

My motto is:

Food is not a battleground

I serve food and they eat it or they don't, no fuss made. I won't force them at all but it goes on the plate regardless. If I'm doing dessert they can have some if they want irrespective of how much main they did or didn't eat.

MrsKoala · 30/09/2017 11:39

Thanks Coddi. But the issues with my dc are long and boring and would derail the thread! My general point was more about all the comments i read from posters saying things like 'it's not an option' or 'i make them' etc. I wonder how you make them? And if the persuasion of no pudding/snacks/going hungry isn't enough, what then? Early bed? No toys? Sitting for hours looking at cold food...

I suppose what i'm asking is to what lengths people think it's okay to go to to get their dc to eat well/or at all?

I struggle with the posters who say they make their children sit while everyone eats whether they eat or not. To me that sounds like making the dinner table a battle ground of punishment and boredom. DH and i wouldn't sit for ages watching someone else eat, so why should they. I get it if there isn't much time in it. But 30 minutes of no food while others eat is a long time for a small child. I would never get mine to sit still that long (obviously age has something to do with it - my oldest is 5).

What i'm hoping is that a relaxed attitude to food means unstressed dc who will come to food later and be able to enjoy it. Like i did. My parents were very easy going and now i eat everything. I witnessed some right horrors though when growing up and going to others houses and being at cms.

Nanny0gg · 30/09/2017 11:44

I was made to eat what I hated.

Veg was mixed in with potatoes (and yes you can still taste it!) and I had to sit sobbing and heaving till it was gone.

I still hate the same foods.

Why would anyone inflict that on a child?

coddiwomple · 30/09/2017 12:14

I wonder how you make them?
In my house, could be: threat, punishments, distraction, bribery, begging, giving a choice between 8 spoons or 2. All I am asking is that they try and eat a couple of mouthful. I have been know to throw a birthday cake in the bin because of an argument about carrots. When the kids know you mean what you threaten with, it helps. Different things work for different kids at different time. Sometimes ignoring one completely is enough for him to go to the table and start eating.

You know your own kids, you do know what food they don't like, and the ones they genuinely cannot stomach. I can't just remove an entire food category because a little person think they are in charge of the house for the sake of a peaceful life Grin

MrsKoala · 30/09/2017 12:23

And if none of those worked. What would you do then? How far would you go? It's not for a peaceful life (i gave up on the idea of that a long time ago) but just to get food into them? I wonder if those things didn't work what people who say 'there is no option' etc would do?

Sirzy · 30/09/2017 12:25

That sounds very much like letting food be a battle ground to me! Don’t see how that helps anyone long term

IwantLEGO · 30/09/2017 12:26

I serve age appropriate portions. Anything I know they won't eat I give them a small amount to try.

I don't offer alternatives. I rotate meals so they aren't eating many hated things in a row.

ladybirdsaredotty · 30/09/2017 12:35

Please don't make them clear their plates. I know so many adults who are overweight or have eating issues and attribute this to being made to clear their plates as children. I often eat at work due to the nature of my job and many people take offence that I don't finish everything on my plate. But I had a previous ED (nothing to do with clearing my plate as my parents didn't make me do that!), and since then I have a really good idea of when I'm sufficiently full (a skill I had to totally relearn post-ED). I think a lot of people don't have this skill and it doesn't lead to a healthy attitude to food (obviously we can all over-eat at times and that is totally fine and normal!).

My kids are fussy and it's really difficult to get a balance between making them food they like and trying to get them to try new stuff without food becoming a battleground. Good luck!

sunseptember · 30/09/2017 12:37

Mrs k I totally agree. It was bad enough when I had to do it as a child and it was only rare and my dp were generally very laid back and cooked great food. Some dc areas going to be sensitive and really suffer under some of these regimes.

deadringer · 30/09/2017 12:51

I try to cook a variety of reasonably healthy meals that my dc will eat, I don't give them anything that they really hate so I expect them to at least try everything on their plate. I never force them to eat something they don't want though. When I was little I had aversions to lots of different food but my father's rule was I couldn't leave the table til I had eaten everything. I was miserable, I used to feel like vomiting when I was eating, I hated mealtimes. I was underweight for most of my childhood, I was even hospitalised I was so underweight. As a grown up I eat all the things I couldn't stomach as a child, in fact I like food just a bit too much and am overweight now!

deadringer · 30/09/2017 13:09

Coddiwomple I just read your post of 12.14, that all sounds exhausting, is it really that important that your dc eat what you want them to? I had food issues with my eldest when she was small, she was underweight but had a very narrow list of what she would eat. As I posted above i was forced to eat food I hated as a child and that definitely coloured my judgement when dealing with my dd. I was terrified of doing the wrong thing and had the hv breathing down my neck because she was a little underweight. I was constantly having to balance her happiness with trying to get enough 'proper' food into her, it was a dreadful time and mealtimes were very stressful. When my ds came along he ate everything and I began to relax a bit. Now they have grown up perfectly healthy, funny enough my dd eats a good range now while my ds as an adult has a very narrow range of food that he likes, and he is overweight and she isn't. It's very strange really the relationship people have with food but turning mealtimes into some sort of battlefield is very wrong and counter productive ime.

reallyanotherone · 30/09/2017 13:23

A birthday cake in the bin because of a fight over carrots?

Jesus.

megletthesecond · 30/09/2017 14:07

Mine don't have to clear their plates. I make sure there's something they like on their plates but no longer stress if they leave it. and they still get pudding.

They're not too fussy tbh. They have school dinners every day.

NoMoreAngstPls · 30/09/2017 14:24

My DD has always given her meals a good go. She'll have a bit of everything, very responsible attitude to food and when she is full. We try not to serve stuff she hates, within reason.

My DS just eats the bits he likes best first, and then declares himself full. So with a Sunday lunch he'd eat some Yorkshire pudding, some stuffing, a bit of meat. If I didn't negotiate '5 more carrots, 1 potato', he would never eat a vegetable.

I don't think thats healthy, and it also doesnt set a good example to others (i.e.. DD and other visiting children). Like a PP, I am shocked by the eating habits of some of my DCs friends. Picking meat out of sandwiches, licking tops of cakes, peeling cheese off pizza. And as for DCs who thinkit's acceptable to sit under the table, stand on chairs, wandering awsy from the table with handfuls of food.....

specialsubject · 30/09/2017 14:55

Put out half as much, if more wanted they can have it. Far less waste that way.

coddiwomple · 30/09/2017 16:03

that all sounds exhausting, is it really that important that your dc eat what you want them to?

It probably sounds a lot worst than it is in real life, I have 4 kids (2 who are young teens) and we don't have a fight per meal! It's actually quite peaceful! There are phases when things don't work as smoothly, but they eat at home at least once a day + breakfast, I am not having a daily fight.

Bus yes, it is very important. They only have to try a little bit of everything. They have never been told to finish a plate. I am not having a child who looks down at food, saying "I don't like it" when he hasn't even tried. I am not having a child who doesn't eat vegetables either.
What's the alternative? A child who will only accept to eat biscuit and chocolate?

Following the birthday cake incident, the "I don't like it I am not eating that" have been replaced by "no thank you" . Grin
It wasn't random, we had to put off with horrible behaviour for a couple of weeks, and I did warn very nicely I wasn't putting up with it any longer. I don't threaten my kids, I give them a warning. They wouldn't know I mean it if i hadn't follow through a couple of times in their life, it's usually more than enough.

MrsKoala · 30/09/2017 16:17

I am not having a child who doesn't eat vegetables either.
What's the alternative? A child who will only accept to eat biscuit and chocolate?

See that's the kind of thing i don't understand. I'm not having a child who wont eat vegetables what are you going to do if they don't and nothing you try works? How are you going to cope with that? and What's the alternative? A child who will only accept to eat biscuit and chocolate? No, the alternative could be a child who just eats nothing? Is that better?

JonSnowsWife · 30/09/2017 16:52

You put a birthday cake in the bin because of a row over carrots?

That's my DS fucked stuffed then. He can spot a rogue carrot no matter how deeply buried. He won't eat them. At all. We've tried. Several times.

He's no more likely to ear carrots than I am to eat nuts. We're not allergic. We just don't like them.

JonSnowsWife · 30/09/2017 16:54

reallyanotherone Flowers for your DD. DD had this too, and staff who forced her also got projectile vomited on.
They were told, and should have also known that citrus based foods are never a wise idea to make a refluxy child finish.

Ploppie4 · 30/09/2017 16:54

My children can eat as little or as much as they like if a meal. They just don't get alternatives if fussy.