How strict to be with DC about leaving food on plate...

[Ricekrispie22]

what do you do when your children don't like something you dish up for them? What is reasonable? What are the rules regarding leaving food in your house? Thanks

I found the book above really helpful as it totally debunks the myth that 'kids won't starve themselves, they'll eat when they're hungry'. My dd is incredibly stubborn and will at times not eat anything despite being hungry and it being food she likes. We're finding it hard and she's not growing well but pressuring tactics were making it worse and I think this book is helping.

You have my sympathies Mrs koala, think parents of most children can't really imagine kids being like this but there are some!!

but to be fair, it's not so common. I have never met a child who refused to eat anything at all. I am aware they exist, but the majority of trouble makers are just fussy. Just listen to the parent telling you that little Joey only eats this or that. It's rare that they eat nothing.

I am sure there are medical professional with a lot of experience who can be helpful.

Eat or go without here. No pissing around.

They do leave stuff. We listen to their preferences.

They go to their dads who bangs on about clearing their plates and they cry and get sick he can’t see the problem. Dickhead.

"Eat it, or don't eat it, there is nothing else"

Things that they consistently dislike such as mushrooms still get served up as they have a choice to try them if they feel like it.

There's very rarely a pudding on offer anyway.

If one has barely eaten, particularly if he's not eaten much in a few meals, he may be encouraged to eat a bit more. Usually I'll just ask if their tummy is happy and ask if that's enough until their next meal.

The only thing that bothers me is when they have specifically requested something then waste it.

You wanna try feeding a child with ASD. You’ll just be glad they ate anything at all even if it was just 5 hula hoops and a lump free yogurt.
Speaking as someone who’s parent actually paid attention and didn’t force me to eat even though I ate a mars bar a day and that’s all for 3 years... I love food now and I’m a healthy size 10!

This is very interesting. I'm a lunchtime supervisor in a primary school. I never force a child to eat or expect them to clear their plates. I do my best to encourage them to eat as much as possible, and try to get them to go for the protein and veg.

I've only been doing this job for a few months and I'm surprised at how much some other supervisors use the 'you can't leave the table until you've cleared your plate' approach. It's very wrong IMHO and personally, I'm more than happy if a child just tries.

some other supervisors use the 'you can't leave the table until you've cleared your plate' approach.

As a parent, I would complain to the school.

We do have an obesity problem in this country, we (as a whole) do over-eat nowadays. Children should not be forced to eat when they no longer feel hungry. It was different when portions were smaller and kids didn't snack, and they needed food. Nowadays, they don't! (well, they do, but you know what I mean)

I love cooking almost as much as I love eating.

Unfortunately, the kids wouldnt eat much that I cooked.

Seems I burned everything.

So I taught them how to cook for themselves and experiment on their own tastes.

I then adopted their cooking so have much less problems.

Btw...all three of us are Aspies.

Dont make a fuss if they dont eat something but on the other hand dont pander to it by giving the fruit, snacks or another meal. As if you go down that route you will only be restricting there possible diet. (of course if they have aspegers or other conditions fine but simply being fussy is not a good trait to encourge).

I grew up being forced to clear my plate and ear the extra slice of bread we was always given with it too. This was at home and at Auntys and grandmas houses etc.
I was also forced to clear my plate of dinner and pudding at school (CofE school and the staff sat at the table until you'd finished - no protestations of letting them know you didn't like it were listened to you were told to be grateful because some kids in the world wont get half of that today).

I dont force DCs to clear their plates. I do ask if they literally haven't eaten anything to try a forkful or a spoonful but I don't push it after that. (DS is autistic and getting any sort or food into him can be a battle at certain times). I've found the more played down you are about it, the more they'll try without it turning into a full battle. The best advice I was given is to remember not to fill their plates. Their stomachs are a lot tinier than ours and a big plate piled high with veg and mash can look daunting to a tiny person.

some other supervisors use the 'you can't leave the table until you've cleared your plate' approach.

That is categorically not allowed in our school, and I'm sure a fair bit gets wasted what the kids don't want! I'd have a word with the school too.

I agree that it is very important not to force or make a big issue out of clearing a plate.

However, I think lots of people have gone to the other extreme, and, in their worry about not creating pressure or eating disorders, have not taught their kids not to waste food.

It is possible to have a healthy attitude towards stopping when full, trying different foods (without the pressure to finish anything), and at the same time teach kids about the value of food and how it should be treated with respect.

I think it is wrong when my children's friends take one or two bites of pizza, then take another slice and pick off a favourite topping before binning both slices. My children would never do that sort of thing, but lots of kids do. They just haven't been taught that food is a precious resource, not to be carelessly wasted.

1. I don't serve them things that I know they don't like, or that I suspect they won't like.

1. They do not have to eat if they don't want to.

1. They won't get made a separate meal. They can have toast and fruit, but that's the extent of my pandering.

I don't allow snacking throughout the day, and I think that's why I have good eaters. They have days/moments, but for the most part, they're hungry enough by each meal that they'll eat most of what's on their plate without too much protesting.

I don't serve them things that I know they don't like, or that I suspect they won't like.

so do you prepare several meals every day? Genuinely wondering, I have one who doesn't eat vegetables, one who doesn't want to eat meat, one who says fish smells and DH and I have very different food taste (different culture!).

I serve the same to everyone, and they all have to take a bite or 2 of everything! It gets easier when they can help themselves, so they only take what they will eat - as long as they take from each serving plate.

I use the eat it or don't eat it but there's nothing else approach. If it's something they don't like I don't serve it up. They eat plenty of fruit and vegetables. Food is never a battle.

We've had problems with midday assistants griping about finishing food in lunch boxes and school dinners. Stresses my ASD children out. I wrote a note on the inside of a lunch box in sharpie saying my child may eat as much or as little as he chooses.

My daughter hates potatoes but still has to have them on her plate and still gets moaned at to eat them. I told her to put them in her cardigan pocket.

I have sensory processing difficulties and still remember physically choking on food that we were forced to eat. Fuck that for my
Children.

DS can eat as much or as little as he's in the mood for, but if it's something new, I do have a rule that he has to try at least one bite. If he doesn't like it after he's tried it, it's fine for him to leave.

Not at all, I put the whatever we’re eating on DS plate and leave him to it (sometimes I help him a bit if he wants to use his cutlery and is finding it tricky - he’s 1.5)
There’s always fruit and/or yoghurt after plus milk before bed.

In general he eat some most things.

He doesn’t seem too keen on meat but he loves omelettes, cheesy pasta and will eat bolognaise so I don’t fuss. I don’t really like much meat either.

I do my best to encourage them to eat as much as possible, and try to get them to go for the protein and veg

Why protein? Honestly this would piss me off a little- i am trying to teach my children that balance is key in diets, carbs, protein and fat all have their uses and one shouldn’t be prioritised over another.

Protein is not more important and there isn’t a reason i know of that kids should be encouraged to eat it over other foods. I’d think you had bought into the high protein diet and were passing it on to the kids.

I love a clean plate, but I don't make them finish a meal if (a) they're struggling (b) they genuinely don't like something. As long as they've given it a go and I think they've eaten enough not to be hungry in five minutes then it's fine.

DS (7) has to at least try everything. He doesn't eat huge amounts in one go so I never force him. He has a fairly short list of things he's tried a few times and genuinely doesn't like so I avoid giving him them, although if we're having them I'll ask if he would like to try some. I was forced to clear my plate and eat things I really didn't like or go hungry and was never allowed treats so I grew up with huge issues around food. I can vividly remember being sat for hours with a lump of gristly meat in front of me and just the thought of it makes me heave 😷

I really don't like the English custom of 'plating up' - a large plate of food is off putting and smacks of control. Dishes go on the table and everyone helps themselves. However there are some rules! The children have to try everything. If it goes on your plate then you should eat it - I'll ask them to but I'm not really strict. They can help themselves to whatever as much as they like. So any good not eaten is still in the dishes and will be eaten later. No wasted food.

Whilst that sounds ideal pirates my youngest doesn't understand when she is full so would just keep eating until either the food was gone or she was sick 🙈

I usually look at what is on the plate, think about what they have eaten (ie are they hungry...) and then say if I think they do need a bit more "oh have this much more of whatever" if that is the case making sure it is a small manageable amount. They know I care more about the vegtables and can leave as much pasta/potato/rice as they like generally. I never battle over a clean plate. I also use small plates. I ask them to try food but they don't have to eat something new after a try. I don't accept vegetables they have previously liked coming off the list though and there has to be three types of veg on the plate (from a range of usually at least 5, and at least 2 will be things I know they eat like pepper and broccoli).

We don't have any rules. I will occasionally comment when my youngest son leaves a full plate of food when I know he has been snacking because that's annoying! But that is it. It would be awful if someone made me finish my food when I've had enough so I won't do the same to my children.

There was a blog going round saying the best words were.... It's OK you don't have to eat it. It said serving small buffet, stuff they like and stuff they don't and leave them to help themselves.