Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How strict to be with DC about leaving food on plate...

145 replies

Ricekrispie22 · 29/09/2017 19:52

what do you do when your children don't like something you dish up for them? What is reasonable? What are the rules regarding leaving food in your house? Thanks

OP posts:
Fairylea · 29/09/2017 21:30

No rules. We have a son with autism who is extremely choosy about what he will eat and the dietician told us to make food pleasurable as otherwise it can cause long term issues so we are very relaxed about food and offer him new foods alongside things we know he likes and just let him eat whatever he likes. On the whole his diet is becoming better as he gets older but he will still often have mini doughnuts for breakfast.. yes really. But the dietician said he is thriving and if she's not worried then we can't be.

Jellycatspyjamas · 29/09/2017 21:32

Depends really - I've been known to cajole my two into eating breakfast. They can choose their own breakfast but must eat a reasonable amount of something (e.g. Not one bite of toast and call it breakfast DD).

Lunch and dinner, they must try everything on their plate and I'll always make sure there's something I know that like along with stuff they haven't had or like less. They don't need to clear their plates but they do need to make a reasonable effort, I serve quite small portions and they can have more of they want. I am quite strict about eating things they've specifically asked for or taken more of, I don't like purposeful waste.

If they don't eat the meal offered and are hungry they can eat fruit to keep them going.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/09/2017 21:32

I never made my children finish what was on their plates and I didn't insist they tried everything either. Sometimes the smell and look of a food/dish can put you off enough to reject it, and I know I've rejected food by the smell, so I'd be a huge hypocrite to make them try everything.

I don't dish up dinners that I know they won't like, even now that they're adults and aren't at home full time. I sure as hell won't eat anything I don't like, and neither will DH, so I'm not going to make my children do so.

ProseccoMamam · 29/09/2017 21:34

After watching family members make 5 different meals daily, follow their toddlers around the house with a plate and plastic spoon, give juice and crisps between meals, I will admit I took one look at them and though rod for your own back 'I won't fucking do that'

I cook the same tea for everyone in the house. Plate is left on the table for half an hour (dished up at six taken at half past). If DC throw it/refuse to eat it, they still sit at the table whether they are screaming or crying until everyone is finished at half past 6. If they have a tantrum at tea time they go straight to bed without milk (supper).

If it's breakfast or dinner that they don't eat, they have no snacks until their next meal. And if they refuse that, they don't eat until the meal after that too.

I do add that both DC make no attempt what so ever to refuse food because they know I won't give them a plate of mash 10 minutes later like other parents I know.

ProseccoMamam · 29/09/2017 21:46

Also I don't make them clear their plates. Obviously I can tell when they have had enough and when they just want to play instead. And both have never been fussy eaters, DS1 only hated carrot. I always put carrot on his plate (if it was in the meal) and mostly he didn't eat it and pushed it to one side but overtime curiosity got the bettor of him. He always has second helping of carrot and turnip after a Sunday roast now so that 100% worked x

lalalalyra · 29/09/2017 21:51

I only serve up the main bit of the meal - the chicken or the pasta or whatever. The potatoes/chips and vegetables are put on the table in bowls. They help themselves and I find they eat way more veg, try more things and waste much less that way.

Occasionally it means one has carrots, one has broccoli and one has peas rather than a mixture, but I'm not going to fuss over that as long as they all eat well generally.

Also I don't believe in making them finish what is on their plates. It creates bad habits and they don't learn to stop when they are full. It's also incredibly unfair imo, I don't want the exact same amount of food for my dinner every day so why should they?

MrsKoala · 29/09/2017 21:57

I have no rules. I don't need them. My kids eat hardly anything. Dinner, Lunch, Breakfast. No snacks and No pudding at all. There is no alternative because there is no food they will eat other than a very select few things. They don't get forced to sit at the dinner table for longer than they have to because it makes them hate mealtimes more than they do. They get to watch computer/tv while i spoon feed them as it means i may get 4 mouthfuls in rather than none. They must take their vitamins tho.

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2017 21:58

What rules?

If they are hungry and they like it, they eat it.

If they're not hungry or they don't like it they don't.

I would never deliberately give them something I know they don't like.

And never, ever, force them to eat when they don't want it.

Smitff · 29/09/2017 21:59

I ask them how much they want on the understanding they have to finish everything they ask for. If it's something new, they can try it first. If they don't like it they can eat a smaller amount (sometimes it's literally a tbsp full, but they can't get away with saying no entirely).

They've learned to start with less than they think they might like - they are always allowed to have more if they're still hungry.

I also determine what proportion of vegetables, protein, carbs they take. It can't be all rice and no vegetables. So we start with the protein, then the vegetables, then the carbs. It's time consuming right now, but the plan is for it to be second nature by the time they're independent eaters.

It works fine for us. They seemed to have been born with a separate stomach for dessert, so they're happy.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 29/09/2017 22:31

Actually I remember I did enforce a rule at one point while everyone else eats. This is because mine got into the habit of wanting to jump down after a bite because he was so desperate to continue playing and then would be desperately hungry at bedtime. And as a previous poster said, I didn't want to do the following around the house with a spoon so saying one more bite. But I am not talking about forcing him to sit still for a long period of time, just 10/15 minutes which gave him a chance to work out if he was really hungry, and also I think builds good habits about sitting as a family at dinner which IS important to me.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 29/09/2017 22:34

Oh, and I would never save uneaten food for later as a punishment, but mine has developed a habit of frequently asking me to save his uneaten dinner for breakfast which is fine by me. I would never force him to eat it, but if he wants to...

Gumbubble · 29/09/2017 22:38

They are encouraged to try everything but there is no rule. If they don't want to eat it they don't have to but they don't get anything else. When the older one was a toddler it was different as he has asd and was very underweight and anemic but now I don't worry and let them decide.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 29/09/2017 22:41

I don't force my dd to clear her plate but I do encourage her to eat a bit more if she hasn't eaten much, this is because when she doesn't she will start moaning she is hungry about an hour after dinner!

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 22:42

Why are you serving food they don't like?

well, when your children decide they don't like vegetables, they still need to eat them!

I am very relax, the little ones must try everything and eat at least a couple of mouthful, but they are never asked to finish their plates.

The older ones must finish their plate when they help themselves. They are used to dish smaller portions, and take more as often as they want. They are not piling a plate with a food and leaving most of it, because that's just wasteful.

Even if they don't eat much of the main, they can still have cheese and pudding. No snacks however, once they are up they don't have any more food until the following meal.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/09/2017 22:47

it gets taken away, they leave what they do not like and where possible given an alternative.. (eg toast) they are praised for not throwing it or for asking nicely about a replacement.

if they decide they do not like something they previously did like, I wait a month or so before reintroducing it, they have then forgotten they did not like it.

MrsKoala · 29/09/2017 22:50

well, when your children decide they don't like vegetables, they still need to eat them!

How do you enforce this? If they wont, they wont.

SquidgeyMidgey · 29/09/2017 22:50

They have to eat a few forkfuls of something new and if they really really hate it then they can drown it in ketchup but food, particularly meat, does not go in the bin. And no veggies = no pud.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 22:59

How do you enforce this? If they wont, they wont.

Don't give them anything else! They don't have to eat a plate, just 2 or 3 mouthfuls and then have something else.

I have a couple of very reluctant vegetable eaters, so I do hide greens everywhere, but also insist on them trying. Slowly they get used to it. If I had given my kids a choice, one of them would have lived of toasts and chocolate. I don't think so!

sunseptember · 29/09/2017 23:03

I was forced to sit at table and forced to clear plate quite abit and not allowed to leave. Usually my mum cooked really lovely food so this wasn't often but often enough for me to not even make dc sit at a formal table at dinner.

Sometimes it laps, usually their little table for them, for more ceremonial occasions.. The big table. They have excellent table manners... Not forced to eat or sit..

sunseptember · 29/09/2017 23:05

I also couldn't enforce not eating anything as my dc were not eaters.. Their appetite would just diminish to nothing.

MrsKoala · 29/09/2017 23:06

But what if they don't want anything else? This advice is always given on the obvious understanding that they will want something else. But what if you have children who just hate food. Hate all food. What then?

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 23:14

I don't know, I never had children who hated food.

I had one who was an absolute pain in the ass, but was still very much interested in chocolate!

MrsKoala · 29/09/2017 23:19

Well I do. And not giving them anything else is a relief not a punishment. You can't enforce eating anything with children like that. You can't make people eat who wont. There's not incentive you can offer and no sanction you can threaten with. You can make food even worse tho. So you just be grateful if they eat 4 mouthfuls of food regardless of what it is and if they are watching tv on the sofa.

I have spent a year trying to get mine to drink hot chocolate ffs! Confused

jellyspoons · 29/09/2017 23:20

Have found this book really good, Mrs koala you might find it interesting? Along the lines of the division of responsibility model. But with more troubleshooting for real world problems. Written by dietician /speech swallow and language experts.

www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Child-Extreme-Picky-Eating/dp/162625110X?tag=mumsnetforum-21

MrsKoala · 29/09/2017 23:23

Thank you jelly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread