To wonder if feminism fucked us over

[splendidisolation]

Looking around at lots of relationships -

Women got the right to work and make money.

In many cases this seems to mean that they now have the right to pay bills, rents and mortgages as well as doing the lions share of cooking, household chores and childcare whilst feeling under intense pressure to engage in hardcore grooming and be sex goddesses.

In the 60s many women didnt work and let their lady gardens grow free - it was all men really knew or wanted.

Fast forward 50 years and they're expected to have careers and strip it all off.

Im muddling loads of points here but does anyone see what I mean?

My DP is pretty good but I still pull more weight than him. The other evening I got home late and started to get up to make dinner. He was like "dont bother yourself making dinner, lets just make sandwiches".

Sandwiches? Bother? I mean, I appreciate the gesture mate but its like...why not just make fucking dinner yourself?

Sorry for this rambling, ranting and general mish mash of thoughts.

Feel free to muse!

I blame feminism for climate change and Brexit.

I blame it for making me eat biscuits.

But seriously, within my own family: my mother's father died when she was 13. She was one of three girls, and it blew that faamily to pieces. The children were sent to live with relatives (split up), while their mother became a live-in housekeeper for a doctor. There were no other choices, or only worse ones. My grandmother could not own property, or have a bank account, or get an education. That was 1938.

Things have changed hugely, and I just shake my head when people tell me nothing has changed. Which is not to say we're finished, for the many many reasons posted above.

The smell of burning martyrs on this thread is overpowering.

Make wise choices who you procreate with. Clue: if their knuckles drag along the floor when they walk - AVOID!

Hmm. I think problems with equality within individual relationships are just that, individual issues

If your partner doesn't pull his weight then that's a problem with your partner

I agree. Put your own house in order , metaphorically speaking, rather just whinging about it.

I do disagree a little with the idea that women and men should focus on their domestic disputes and arrangements

the personal is political and I do think that a focus on individual women challenging their partners 1-1 distracts from the wider issues

hard to take on the inequalities of the world when you fixate on who should do the ironing - which serves capitalism and patriarchy well

which is why I love being single

ghostyslovesheets- some of us in partnerships never squabble about domestic chores. OH and I share all workloads in a fair way.We play to our strengths and fill in the gaps for each other.

Not all couples have constant aruments about domestic roles.

I don't need to insist on it.

My OH is a fair respectful person. It's not up to me to "insist" any more than it is up to him to "insist" that I do my fair share.

We both know what needs to be done and do it- no pressure either way.

Capitalism seeks out new ways to exploit. It wants us running and harried and buying.

This foreign holiday concept for instance - this gnawing feeling that we are not successful if we don't have one - just a few decades ago this angst was not present at all.

The perfect house (owned of course in a good area) is a goldmine for sellers of product and service.

Feminism has been great. It’s men not keeping up with it that’s the problem.

How is it feminism's fault that men don't do their share of the "wifework"?

Why are women responsible for men's behaviour?

My partner does his share. I insist on it.

I don't find this rhetoric very liberating.
Implicit in these words is the idea that without a woman's " insistence" then he wouldn't do his share. Thus neatly laying the responsibility of housework at the woman's feet and up to her to do, delegate or coerce her OH.

Pengggwn does your OH insist that you do certain things too?

It's not the way my relationship works.

Completely agree with you and it's something I think of often. There is far too much on women's shoulders.

Those women who have an equally shared household in terms of 'women's work' and the mental load or organising everything and everyone are very very lucky - I'd personally think they're in the minority. Men have things easy in comparison.

I hardly think your choice of partner is the fault of feminism.

Yes in the 1960s many women didn't have to work outside the home. They also needed their husband's permission to obtain contraception or have a hysterectomy.

They found it difficult to get a loan or mortgage, were legally paid less than men even for doing exactly the same work. Many employers would not employ married women.

If their marriage became violent there were no shelters to go to and if they dared leave and set up home with their children then having a male friend stay over meant they would lose custody of their children.

Fucking fantastic.

It's not that feminism fucked us over. It's that most men didn't change their views a log the way. Most working women I know still do the vast bulk of the housework and mental load while working. I can only think of one friends DH who doesn't sound like he takes the piss.

Those women who have an equally shared household in terms of 'women's work' and the mental load or organising everything and everyone are very very lucky -

But it doesn't need to be like that to be fair.

OH and I play to our strengths.
He have never used the washing machine. He doesn't know who our electricity supplier is, or when our house insurance is due.
I go to the gym every morning. I don't set foot inside the kitchen at weekends, I don't do bins, lawnmowing or toilet unblocking.
I write our christmas cards.
All is good in our family.

I made the mistake of saying to my MIL that I found being back at working and juggling the childcare/house etc really tough. Obviously the wrong conversation to start and her response that I didn't realise how lucky I was to have a DH that cooked once in a while...As other posts have stated, if the house is a mess, or something's missing from the bag for nursery, I'm the one to blame-even though I work the same hours as my DH. Certainly still a way to go!!

What?
"He have never used the washing machine. He doesn't know who our electricity supplier is, or when our house insurance is due.
I go to the gym every morning. I don't set foot inside the kitchen at weekends, I don't do bins, lawnmowing or toilet unblocking."

So you do all the cooking and laundry basically. He does weekend cooking and "the bins" (really strenuous). Mowing the lawn and unblocking toilets are really occasional jobs

Pengggwn I realise you didn't say to sound liberated.

I just find it sad that you have to " insist".

Wouldn't your OH just work out to for himself how to contribute to housework?

splendidisolation yes.

My OH works a 60 hour week.

I work 15 hours a week. My youngest is 17 years old.

I have a massive amount of free time. It would be unfair if I didn't scoop up on the domestic front.

I agree! It's supposed to be the choice to work but actually most people can't afford for the woman not to work! It's awful.

Pengggwn I am not asking you to justify your OH.

I am talking about rhetoric.