To secretly hope inheritance gets spent on care home fees?

[HelpInheritanceDilemma]

Have NC and changed a few details as family members read this forum.
I have 2 dc, DD who is 9 and DS who is 4. Before DS was born and after FIL died, my MIL changed her will to split inheritance equally in 4 between DH, his DSis and DB and our DD. MIL stated that if we had any more kids, DD'S share would be split between her and however many more dc's we have.

We are now about 6 years on from that point and it seems MIL has no intention of changing her will to include DS. DH's brother is an executor of the will and he has tried to talk to her about it, only to be fobbed off or told that DS not being included is 'his issue'. MIL does seem to favour DD more than DS, this comes across in her actions in other ways, DD was the only GC for 4 years (BIL and SIL have no kids and don't want any).

I'm getting worried about the effects this may have on our family in the future and how it might all make DS feel. It's not a small amount of money - about 100k DD stands to inherit when she turns 21.

A part of me hopes it will all get blown on care home fees - whenever inheritance threads appear on mn, a large proportion of people mention that the person is unlikely to get their hands on any cash due to the possibility of this. AIBU to hope this is the outcome? None of MILs children would look after her themselves, they all have difficult relationships with her and can only tolerate her in small doses. She is in her 70s and in ok health.

You can leave your money how you will, that's your right. But if you are going to leave it in such a way that its actively devisive, then you can expect your family to take steps to minimise the damage. In the OP's situation I'd make sure any grandparent who wanted to favour one grandchild above the others (or even worse, leave just one out) saw neither hide nor hair of them, or me.

I'm surprised she included a grandchild at all. Are your SIL and BIL definitely not having any DCs? It would be easier to split equally between children. If she does die with her present will, then your DH will have 100k and so will your DD?

How about going the other way and asking her to take your DD off her will and just split it three ways? It might be an easier conversation to have?

Actually, if your MIL stated that DDs share would be split with any subsequent siblings, doesn't that make dividing it between them legal because of verbal contract?

No, it doesn't. There is no such thing as a verbal contract when it comes to a will. It's either written in the will, validly signed and witnessed, or it's not. It is possible to challenge a will on various grounds, but knowing that the deceased has issued vague promises about changing her will if circumstances changed is not one of them, as far as I'm aware.

DH's uncle is is leaving a substantial chunk of his estate to DH but nothing to DSil.
It's because she's a woman and so the 'wealth will pass out of the family'.

Obv, DH will quietly split it after the event. Utter madness.

Thanks again for the responses, didn't expect so many! To respond to some questions from posters:

As far as I've been made aware, DD is only one named for her share of will and she mentioned years ago that she would 'have to change it' if any more GC came along.
DH's siblings are a bit older than him, late forties and are career people, no interest whatsoever in having kids. They are both very laid back and don't seem to care much that their neice is included in the will.
Before FIL died, he and MIL made wills whereby their possessions would pass to the other.
I agree with the views that including GC in wills is a bit odd, my own family have never done this but dd is the apple of MILs eye so it came as no surprise when she was included. I wish she hadn't as I'm worried about any fallout in the future, but the situation is what it is I guess

I am trying to imagine if I was your DD

Say I am 18 and Mum and Dad explain it

I can't imagine NOT sharing it

But I live my brother

Maybe do some legal research OP ?

Unless your dd grows up to be a horrid selfish person which I am sure she won't there is nothing to stop her simply splitting her share with her brother after she receives it. Job done.

Give your share to your.ds

Actually giving from the am,ount inherited by the parent is a good idea. In most families the children are left money to not the grandchildren and then each parent then shares it in due course on their death or right away with the children.

MIL stated that if we had any more kids, DD'S share would be split between her and however many more dc's we have.

^MIL already made her wishes clear. She has been very generous in giving your dd at the time an equal share in the inheritance. That is not the norm and I would not be surprised if your DBIL/SIL were raising eyebrows at that. Your OP makes you sound grabby. You want to deprive your dc of potentially £50k because your ds is not getting a specific mention?

Yes, as others have already said, you just need to do a Deed of Variation.

Would a Court approve a deed of variation to split the inheritance between dd and ds though, if dd is still a minor? Are any probate/trust lawyers around to tell us?!

I think there is a statistic that only 1/6 people do go into nursing homes - in any case I think that the majority of people do not. Of course many more may have carers at home. (as the last election reminded us....)

But you knew this before you popped out a second child?

No, what they "knew" was that the MIL stated she would change it so that the DDs share was split between however many grandchildren there were.

I wouldn't incur fees trying to resolve unless you really enjoy instructing and paying solicitors. Daughter accepts the inheritance then gives half to her brother. Much cheaper!

These threads remind me to keep schtum about how I plan to give out my inheritence. It's only on MN that people have divvied out/spent/fought over inheritance before the person has even died! I haven't ever seen this in RL.

Your MIL sounds very unreasonable. I don't really get why you would hop all the inheritance money will go on care home fees though. Surely if your DD won't share your DH can give his inheritance to your DS. You won't be any worse off in that situation than if the money had all gone, but your DCs will be better off.

lalala - it is not just parents wills that can cause hurt, other relatives can too, even when not expecting an inheritence.

My cousin died 2.5 years ago, bachelor who had always lived at home with parents. Only child. Was wealthier than any of us imagined.

I had heard rumours from one of my cousins that he was leaving it to cousins children, but didnt know if true till my DC got a copy of will.

The estate was split 20% to his cousin's DD on his mums side, the other 80% split equally between 8 on his dads (our side). Except there were 9. He left one guy out. No one has a clue why.

Yet it was this guys mum (mine and the deceased's cousin) that he had confided in about leaving money to his cousins' DC. I have no idea if he had already omitted her DS at that point!! She saw him a few times a year, usually cooking a meal for him and my mum. She was and still is extremely hurt that her DS was the only one omitted. She thinks she must have upset him in some way. Her son wasn't bothered, he is a well paid professional, but his mum feels it, as do I and other cousins. Leaving the money as he did was such a lovely gesture, my teenage kids got almost 100k, from someone they didn't really know (the guy omitted knew him better!) setting them up very well, but.....that lovely gesture was tainted by the omission of one person.

Yes, it was my cousin's will and his choice. But, his wealth came from his parents (we think an inheritance his mum got), he had office jobs, nothing well paid enough to become a millionaire!! His parents were very family orientated, and I think would have been shocked that he left just one of their great nephews out. They were in regular contact with their niece and liked her very much.

My grandma cut my sister out of her will (she could be a difficult person), I shared (voluntarily) my inheritance with my sister, it never occurred to me to do otherwise. We don't always get on but she's my sister.

Well you are a lovely sister. I do think not many would do this