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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many hobbies does you DH have?

123 replies

fiveplusfour · 27/09/2017 17:47

DH is 45 and this is a summary of
his hobbies -

  • Karate (Sat mornings with DS) and private lesson Tue mornings (on his own)
  • Paragliding - odd day here and there when "the wind is right" and several weekends away per year. Plus the paraglider often comes on holiday with us.
  • Cycling - about 3-4 "big rides" a year eg. across Spain, plus maybe 2 hrs on weekends, or up to 10 hrs if he's training, plus evenings.
  • Mountain climbing - probably twice a year (most recent was two months ago in Alps - 4 day trip). Plus training beforehand.
  • Car racing - this is on the increase. He's had about 4 track days in the last 6 months and a couple of 2-day events in Europe.

-Scuba - on every holiday we are near the sea - at least 3 or 4 trips.

  • Building a kit car in a garage but this seems to be on the back-burner at the moment.

I've noticed the hobbies have escalated in the last few years, but is this average or would MN consider it to be a lot for a father of three who also works at least 60 hrs per week, plus overseas travel? I do get a fair bit of, "What's he up to this week?" And Hmm from friends, but it's hard to know. He doesn't go out socialising after work in the way many people do (unless it's business). He does not do golf or watch / play football.

Not so much an AIBU, but wondering what people think is normal for men of this age?

OP posts:
Aph413 · 27/09/2017 17:50

My DH is 28 and so far he just plays golf on his weekends off. Hopefully it doesn't get too much more than that as he has a thing for making sure he plays somewhere he's never been before

Gorgosparta · 27/09/2017 18:04

Dh has 1. Flying.

He is 43. We have a teen and a 6 year old.

I have 2 hobbies. Mine arr 3 hours a week all year round. Dh mainly flies in the summer so packs more hours in whrn he can. Over the year its about the same for both of us.

Our youngest is 6. No way would i havr been ok with all the hobbies your dh has when we had young kids.

We get equal time. In the winter it seems like i get more. In the summer it seems he gets more.

Personally what you have written is far too much. For me and our relationship l. Ibwork about 50 hours a week and dh does similar. We often both do a few hours at night when the kids are in bed. But it depends on wether you are ok with it and gow much time he spends with the kids etc.

The age of the kids would probably impact it.

horriblehistorieswench · 27/09/2017 18:07

My DH is away with work 1 or 2 nights a week and will socialise with work mates or use hotel gym. He & DS are season ticket holders for our local football team so they're their every second Saturday and the occasional away match. He likes walking but so do I so we often do that together. He'll sometimes take DD's swimming or cycling but wouldn't go himself. He likes a potter in the garden. Em that's about it. I'm exhausted just reading your list OP. Do you get enough time to indulge your hobbies or enough family time?

HoneyWheeler · 27/09/2017 18:10

My DH has our allotment, which we tend to look after together, although I'm heavily pregnant now so he's been on his own for a while. He also plays squash periodically, but that's about it!

WhooooAmI24601 · 27/09/2017 18:13

DH tinkers in the garden, plays golf and goes out with friends once every few months. That's it.

I run, do yoga, tutor 2 nights a week and help out at the DCs scout groups.

It works for us, but your DH sounds as though he's doing an excessive amount outside of the home.

Bunnyfluffy · 27/09/2017 18:15

DH's main hobby is cycling. He normally does cycling club 8-12 on Sundays and sometimes rides on Saturdays too (sometimes long rides, sometimes short).

He also does skiing (2 holidays this year), plus a few other hobbies which he does as and when but not regularly (e.g. running, surfing, kayaking, swimming).

He doesn't do any hobbies mid-week as works long hours with a long commute.

I like him having hobbies and fully support it. I like that he is fit and interested in lots of things.

I also cycle and ski plus I horse ride.

However I am currrently pregnant with our first child so both of us will have less time for hobbies. We've agreed we'll both have equal amount of 'hobby time' once DC arrives.

RavingRoo · 27/09/2017 18:17

Does seem like a lot. Any problems in your marriage?

TheWitchAndTrevor · 27/09/2017 18:17

What are your hobbies OP?

dantdmistedious · 27/09/2017 18:18

One - cycling. Takes hours and hours.

Original poster
fiveplusfour · 27/09/2017 18:19

Sorry forgot to say DC are 12, 10 and 8.

He is probably away with work 1-2 nights per fortnight, unless it's a long haul trip when it could be 5 nights.

He is keen to do things with the kids, but sometimes it feels like he drags them on his agenda, like long walks or bike rides and they're moaning.

I think he did less of his hobbies when they were younger, yes, but he worked longer / less flexible hours then. It's hard to remember because he's always been this way to an extent. I'm at home, so yes, I go to the gym and do yoga a few times a week, plus the odd run, but that's it.

OP posts:
ShitOrBust · 27/09/2017 18:24

That's too much. He doesn't seem invested in his family.

PashPash · 27/09/2017 18:24

Bloody hell, that's a lot.

Do you get equal time and money for them?

Im the Hobbyist in our house. I run, (half marathons) cycle, mountain bike and do a fairly obscure team sport, am doing a qualification and I run a voluntary group . That probably equates to 5 - 10 hrs a week depending on what I'm training for.

The only one that has much in the way of ongoing costs is the team sport, and that's a pretty cheap one.

In return DH has motorbikes, which costs about the same per week as all mine added together, and is negotiable in terms of time required. He might bugger off touring for a few dats, or can just pop out for an hour. No commitment needed.

paia · 27/09/2017 18:29

That's a lot!

My DH is the same age and does martial arts 2x a week. And that's it. Only other hobby would be watching films I guess. We spend a lot of time together as a family.

Bobbybobbins · 27/09/2017 18:29

Gosh that sounds like a massive amount to me!

catbas · 27/09/2017 18:32

That sounds a lot - although you have the same amount of down time and funds towards your hobbies/leisure I'm assuming?

museumum · 27/09/2017 18:32

That’s a lot!
My dh and I both have half a day each at the weekend (I run and he cycles) plus a few races a year. We both do 1-2 weekday evenings for yoga/Pilates/gym.

Original poster
fiveplusfour · 27/09/2017 18:34

A few people have asked him recently if he is having some sort of mid-life crises because he has also bought some track cars, this kind of thing. They get crashed a fair bit and that is not cheap, no. It's not so much the money actually because I feel he's entitled to that. He had a quite bad bike accident earlier this year and a few other near-misses which I won't go into, but this has been a worry tbh.

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 27/09/2017 18:37

DH has no hobbies (unless you count watching TV as a hobby). This causes a different set of problems as he is always underfoot and never wants to do anything.

tigercub50 · 27/09/2017 18:41

DH works long hours so doesn't have a lot of time for hobbies although he does like cycling & really wants to get a road bike. They're pretty pricey though. I don't do much either since I stopped karate but need to remedy that

13bastards · 27/09/2017 18:42

Too many!

Snowboarding, mountain biking, photography, skateboarding, music....it goes on!

Costs a fortune but at least it's something tangible. He's not shoving his wages into a fruit machine or pissing it away with 'the lads'

topcat2014 · 27/09/2017 18:45

I need to up my game - I am not getting my share, it seems:

One hour with a personal trainer.
Half hour piano lesson.

Never been on any 'lad's holidays
Don't tend to leave the house in the evenings.

I am missing out :):)

blardyfeck · 27/09/2017 18:47

DH works long hours so not much during the week. He sporadically gets into running on our treadmill in the evenings but other than that, he enjoys playing games on the PlayStation & watching tv.
I'm the same with my exercise. For weeks I'm really into it then I stop for weeks. I like puzzles and reading and erm.... thinking about what other hobbies I can take up.
I desperately need to find something else as I'm concerned I'm actually quite boring.
Frankly I'm glad DH doesn't spend loads of time on a hobby. It would really piss me off as we're a family now. Priorities n all.

Tealdeal747 · 27/09/2017 18:48

It doesn't sound as if he is interested in his dcs or family life.

I couldn't be with a man like this.

wobblywonderwoman · 27/09/2017 18:51

That is ridiculous

We work back to back so neither really have hobbies - though this is temporary

I would start going away for whole weekends op by yourself / sister / mum and stop this crap you are having to put up with. He is not a celebrity singleton!!!

Dabisadancemove · 27/09/2017 18:51

None. He works long hours or is away during the week and likes to spend time with us at the weekend. He does quite enjoy DIY type tasks though so gets some pleasure out of doing things round the house.