To ask how many hobbies does you DH have?

[fiveplusfour]

DH is 45 and this is a summary of
his hobbies -

• Karate (Sat mornings with DS) and private lesson Tue mornings (on his own)

• Paragliding - odd day here and there when "the wind is right" and several weekends away per year. Plus the paraglider often comes on holiday with us.

• Cycling - about 3-4 "big rides" a year eg. across Spain, plus maybe 2 hrs on weekends, or up to 10 hrs if he's training, plus evenings.

• Mountain climbing - probably twice a year (most recent was two months ago in Alps - 4 day trip). Plus training beforehand.

• Car racing - this is on the increase. He's had about 4 track days in the last 6 months and a couple of 2-day events in Europe.

-Scuba - on every holiday we are near the sea - at least 3 or 4 trips.

• Building a kit car in a garage but this seems to be on the back-burner at the moment.

I've noticed the hobbies have escalated in the last few years, but is this average or would MN consider it to be a lot for a father of three who also works at least 60 hrs per week, plus overseas travel? I do get a fair bit of, "What's he up to this week?" And from friends, but it's hard to know. He doesn't go out socialising after work in the way many people do (unless it's business). He does not do golf or watch / play football.

Not so much an AIBU, but wondering what people think is normal for men of this age?

He does a martial art twice a week. Two hours a time. One session is when I'm at my choir and the other is when I'm working.

He has hobbies around the house but his marital art is the only one that takes him out of the home. Oh, he does go to the gym but we do that together 90% of the time.

I would not be happy with that at all OP.

We both balance ours, I have at least 2 weekends away with friends a year, a night out every few months without DH. I have given up going to the gym for working out at home though as I work a lot from home on evenings/weekends (teacher), I swim once a week too.
DH runs/cycles throughout the week (we tag team this) and goes to triathlon club once a week for 2/3 hrs. He also watches his football team a few times a month (with DC) and has a night out with friends every fortnight or so.
We have a nice balance and everything fits in with the DC's hobbies too.

I suppose the logical next question is: what hobbies do you have, OP? And what time to yourself? Plus how much family time do you all get?

My suspicion is you're picking up a lot of the mundane but necessary stuff (such as going shopping) and that impacts on the above.

When is he doing his share of the cooking/housework/childcare?

My partner does a lot of t'ai chi. I do a fair bit of singing. I'm out more than he is. We are in our 50s.

DH is on a committee for DS's sports club. He helps with competitions, organising etc.

He also watches a local sport team at the weekend- mainly with other dads from DS's sport team (not the same sport!). Regularly goes to the cinema- frequently taking DS now he is old enough.

He is 41, works full time and we have 1 DS (12).

fiveplusfour are you married to Richard Hammond?

DH takes DS to school every morning and to grandad's house every weekend/every other weekend. His hobbies are: playing the guitar (off and on during the day), reading (at night), walking the dog (every day at 3pm for 1-2 hours), swimming/cycling once a week at around 9.30.

He works from home (guitar-playing releases stress, as does drinking tea and eating his wife's lovely biscuits - not a euphemism - but they can't really be counted as hobbies!).

I walk the dog in the morning at 9.30 for 1-1.5 hours, i swim twice a week around midday. I collect ds from school and run around after him! If DH didn't do tje afternoon dog walk, then we'll take her.

I also sew sew sew all the free moments that i can spare. Neither of us goes off on jollies related to our hobbies. We suit each other. The OP's husband would drive me nuts!

It's funny how men take up lots of hobbies, that take them away from the home and family and kids and responsibilities most of the time, when the kids are at young and still at home.

You just watch how the hobbies drop off as the years go on, and especially when the kids leave home. I know a few women whose husbands had lots of hobbies when the kids were growing up, and they were rarely there. Yet now the kids have left, the mens hobbies have dwindled, and the women can't get them out of the fucking house.

Good job YOU don't have as many 'hobbies' @fiveplusfour or there would be no-one to look after the children.

Honestly, the way some men behave just fucks me right off. They piss off out all the time when the kids are young, leaving the wife/mother of their children to do most of the childcare, and then they wonder why the children are closer to their mother when they are young adults.

elQuinto - I wish he could release stress by playing the guitar and drinking tea. That sounds lovely.

A couple of months back, he went up a mountain with a team of 6. Somebody from another (unrelated) team fell and was killed on the same mountain while he was up there. He was away 5 days for this. Then he came back and went to Paris for a dinner. Then, straight from this, he went car racing in Europe for 2 days with ten or so friends / colleagues. He works for himself which is how he can get the time off, often the activities are under the guise of business. It did feel like "how the other half live" tbh and I told him this. It's not that he would stop me doing anything really I don't think, but I just wouldn't do it in the first place.

Joey yeah, honestly doesn't bother me.

He runs a successful business working really hard. He helps loads in the house with cooking as he's much better than me, often bakes at the weeken and is making my daughters birthday cake, gives the kids their baths and does bedtimes if he's been to the gym in the morning. We all go out together at the weekend one day. Usually the Saturday and he will go out the Sunday morning 7-12 and we will all have a lazy morning. The gaming is after kids are in bed. So it's not an issue.

Bloody hell, my husband has no hobbies but then neither do I. He's dabbled with climbing and MAMA before. We don't even go to the gym.

*MMA obviously!

When we had a baby who never slept I really resented DH doing anything however now I love it and I'm practically pushing him out the door to go for a run.
I think it's all swings and roundabouts as life changes, for me when we got more sleep, DH helped more with things and spent more time with the DC which in turn meant I had some time.
If you're getting enough time to relax then I think it sounds about right.
I understand you'd like him to maybe do more with the children so that's hard, does he think he does too much?

I don't think he does think he does too much. On holiday he never sits still which is exhausting and he signs us all up for all kinds of things. Like this summer he signed me up for a night dive, with no thought of who was going to be with the kids. He hired a bike and went off on a few days "training". Sometimes, when the kids were little, he's actually flown home for a few days in the middle of a holiday because of a work crises! He's better at turning the phone off / not checking emails in recent years though.

he's been moaning about how it's experiences that count

Well they do - for him. These are his priorities and he has no problem putting his priorities absolutely first and complaining about anything that might interfere with them.

The hobbies wouldn't bother me. The attitude would but you know the entire man so may be fine with it. I also think - and this is based on my own experience only - that serious amateur mountain climbers are essentially self-centered and do it because it feeds something in them that requires danger as an enormous ego boost.

The comment about the house and experiences would piss me off because that shows he has no clue about your life and what makes your life better.

DH, now that he works locally, goes to the gym a couple of mornings a week. His other hobbies all revolve around the kids because he's making up for years of working away a lot so he goes swimming with DS2 once a week, he goes running with DD1 a couple of evenings and has taken up gaming with DS1.

I wouldn't be happy with your DH's level of hobbies, especially when he seems to think you should live in a smaller house to facilitate them.

What time do you get to yourself? What are your hobbies? What does your dh do around the house and parenting? Does he pull his weight? Do you have enough money to do all the things he does? And have family holidays too?

Sounds like an awful lot of trips to me.

It sounds like he's away a lot at the weekends.

Palliders and lala. Yes I think you are right. To be fair to him on the house issue, he did say if that was what I wanted, then he would do it. The stamp was a lot of money and it needed a fair bit of renovation that's been going on for the last 6 months. I said to him, I only wanted to do it if he was fully on board, otherwise I didn't want the stress. But he didn't show much interest in the whole thing really (except for the fact there are garages) and I wish he would have because this is our home and what's more important than that? He's been quite volatile about the whole thing. Now we're in he's happy about it, but I've done it all and I would have liked to share it with him.

mymorning - he's sort of ok in the house eg. he will put washing in, but never hang it out. He'll leave it in a wet pile on the floor which makes more work actually. I have never seen him vacuum or do actual cleaning in 17 years. He'll do basic cooking like eggs or pasta. He's good with the kids and does things round the house like bins or clearing leaves.

but I've done it all and I would have liked to share it with him.

Do you share stuff generally with him? It doesn't sound like there is much space or time for you to share much tbh. Is that maybe part of your issue - he fills his life with things that are extraneous to his wife and family and enjoys them enormously and your life is integrated into your family?

Owlinatree It sounds like he's away a lot at the weekends.

It sounds to me like he's away all the time, mentally.

DP has one main hobby which entails him travelling to different parts of the country every Saturday, the odd Sunday here and there, a couple of weeknights a month and the occasional weekend/three or four days overseas. It's absolutely fine with me; he was doing it for years before we met and I don't see why he should give it up. Sometimes I travel with him if it's somewhere nice and make a day or a weekend of it - he'll do his hobby thing for a couple of hours while I do something else like exploring a lovely town or going to a gallery or museum or doing a nice walk or whatever. If not, I enjoy having some time to myself when he's away.

He's 49 and we don't have any kids.

Yes I feel like I absorb all the emotional stuff from the kids because he's too stressed with work most of the time. But when I have had crises with my own family, he's been fantastic. He does have my back and he's very thoughtful in lots of ways, but yes, possibly self-motivated to the point of selfish in other ways.

If you're getting enough time to relax then I think it sounds about right.
I understand you'd like him to maybe do more with the children so that's hard, does he think he does too much?

No, it doesn't sound right, to anyone on this thread.
Does HE think he does too much??! Seriously! What man is going to answer yes, dear, I do too many activities for myself, let me mind the children whilst you do something for yourself, said no man ever.

He is always mentally preoccupied with work, business. It's always the next thing with him. It's non stop and has been for years. He will work evenings if I don't stop him and then he's very aggro about it if I do. Mostly, I just let him get in with it.