Old folks dying of,,,,,,old age?

[MrsDeltaB]

Whilst I appreciate there is a general outpouring of someone or the actor of a character that you may have grown up with.

Liz Dawn. Died at 77. Yes. Sad. To her family. But why the outpouring of grief to a person of elder generation who may or may not have simply died of old age?

I can't help but get cross when folks are 'gutted' 'devastated' about the death of an old person dying of, being old! "97 year old died of old age'

I have two relatives who died suddenly in their early 60s: I very much expected it (and am very confused by other relatives who didn't expect it!) Their skin looked bad, one lady had bad oedema in the legs, the other one smoked heavily with occasional alcoholic binges. No exercise, no healthy eating, with chronic mental illness. Their bodies were obviously teetering on brink of steep decline. Old age came early for them. Both would have been very frightened by a long drawn out disease like cancer, it's better that they went how they did, even if it was too early.

Well, I wouldn't go so far as that, Draylon! Gutted and devastated is fine. Death and loss IS gutting and Devastating.

However, the idea that someone dying at 88 is as tragic as someone dying at 8 is just so peculiar. I can't really get my head around the idea that some people think like this. I did know they do because I know the bizarre things that have been said to my friends who've lost children:
"I know how you feel, I was the same when my grandma died,' or 'It took me years to get over the dog(yes!)' but I thought these were ...stupid slips of the tongue, not some general philosophy that all deaths are the same.

Fucking hell, I can't believe some of the responses on here. Yes I knew my DM would die but that doesn't make it any easier. Draylon I don't care whether you think my response and that of others like me is unhealthy, who are you or anyone else on here to say how people should grieve?

I am gutted and devasted and any other words you can think of. I'm not going to be apologising for that. I'll grieve my own way and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks.

I still grieve for both my parents and anyone who told me I shouldn't would get the rough end of my tongue. But dying when they did, at 77 and 91 is neither shocking nor tragic and they would have been the first to agree.

But this doesn't change the fact the getting to your 70s is a privelege, and to lose your life or loved ones at a much younger age is MORE tragic. If you go back a hundred or more years then surviving infancy was quite a privilege but I don't think you would say that to someone grieving the death of a child. Unfortunately in some parts of the world surviving infancy is still a privilege which is a disgrace in the 21st century.

My father died last year at 88 - his death certificate said ‘old age’. Whilst being sad that he is gone, it was not exactly unexpected as he was 88 and in poor health. I too am puzzled by those who seem completely shocked and devastated when very elderly people die - surely somewhere in your mind it must have occurred to you that this would happen?

Sorry Draylon, everything is very raw at the moment. Some posts have come across as though if a person is old we're not allowed to be shocked, upset etc and I picked on yours. At the moment I'm still struggling to accept she's gone.

Thanks Draylon. It was a week ago today so I'm probably taking everything the wrong way at the moment! It was also unexpected as although she had been ill the hospital were talking about discharging her. I obviously knew she would die at one point but I don't think you always want to accept it.

DEVASTATED. Yes, that is how losing someone that i love and loved me feels. There are no words for the mn's who bluntly chastise us for feeling severe loss and pain. I'm astounded that age and the details of age, illness, significant contributions to society are being logically explained to decide if survivors have the legitimate rights to mourn or grieve.

I have nieces in their 20/30s who are quite nasty and i wouldn't grieve nearly as much as i did from losing age 70's neighbor to dementia. Its not facts, its love..or some other emotion.

Death can be a blessing bc of the suffering involved due to illness. Yes, not every death that touches one's life is equal. In fact there are only rare direct comparisons, but to arrogantly explain why one should or should not grieve is unkind at a time when kindness is required.

My neighbor's daughter died age7. Her funeral was on a cold, rainy November day. I remember listening to my children while i was making dinner and tears poured down my face. I irrationally wanted to bring a blanket to her at the cemetery. She was born unhealthy and the family did not share the final few months until she passed. I knew her from a bump in her mother's tummy. 13 years later, i am still saddened.

I have lost most of my family, many good friends. Life is part of the dying process, most of us understand.
The part that saddens me is that a grieving person will read this and feel guilty or pressured by the judgements espoused here to fall into the 'acceptable/normal' grief rule guidelines.

Please be cognizant that grief makes us vulnerable. If you are grieving, ignore the Grief Rules by MN. I've seen much grief, its all different, every time.

This type of post makes me wish for God and prayers bc there are no human words to comfort and believing in the Afterlife would be great comfort.

Please be kind; grief is democratic. It touches all of us.

I was devastated at the loss of my grandmother...it wasn't a tragedy though, she was elderly and no one lives forever. An unknown child dying wouldn't cause me personal grief like the loss of my grandparent would but I would view it as being a tragedy and more tragic overall than the loss of my elderly relative.

I think it is complicated and not as straightforward as some people think. I have lost loved ones when I was a busy young mum and I don't think it hit me as hard as some deaths did when my children were grown up and I had more head space to grieve. Not sure if that makes sense but as an example my mother died when my children were primary school age, I was working fulltime and was my husband's carer. I did grieve, mourned her loss and yes I was devestated but I had to get on with it. Now I am retired and I feel her loss more now than I did 20 years ago. Maybe it is just me.

When did it become obligatory to die when old. 77 is not ancient nowadays, 97 is a very grand old age and most folk including the "old" person would be resigned to death occurring at that age.

Death at an advanced age from natural causes is not a tragedy, but it is still a loss.

I think that people are just communicating a sense of loss, even if only because as an actress she was a familiar background figure in their lives for a long time.

When did it become obligatory to die when old

What is that supposed to mean? It is obligatory to die. That can be at any age.

Certainly, if you didn't die when young, then you are obligated to die when old.

I don't really feel much when folk die at 90. It's part of life.

Then sometimes I wonder if i am an unfeeling monster!

I wouldn't consider 77 to be old. FIL died at 76 of heart disease, mum had a heart attack at 77, dad had brain cancer at 94.

I've been told that something has to go on the Death Certificate as a cause of death.

I agree that to die peacefully in your sleep due to simple old age is a great way to go.

And yet it is actually, definitively, OLD, no matter how you feel about it.

as I am fairly new to posting please bear with me.
in my circle this year there has been 5 births all to mums in relationships or married.All the babies are thriving but 2 of them have reflux.the two mums are perfectionists in general and have eating issues (not anorexia or bulimia) so is this a problem passed from mum to baby or unrelated.The babies are being breast fed

lyn you are so new to posting you've posted on the wrong thread - this is about when people die, dying young and grief - maybe have a look round again see where you had wanted this to go?!

I get what you're saying. It's obviously devastating when someone dies when they're young...or losing a child is devastating. But after a certain age, it's much more acceptable and normal. I don't understand when people grieve extensively for someone who is much older. Of course you'll miss them, and it's sad, but no one lives forever