Old folks dying of,,,,,,old age?

[MrsDeltaB]

Whilst I appreciate there is a general outpouring of someone or the actor of a character that you may have grown up with.

Liz Dawn. Died at 77. Yes. Sad. To her family. But why the outpouring of grief to a person of elder generation who may or may not have simply died of old age?

I can't help but get cross when folks are 'gutted' 'devastated' about the death of an old person dying of, being old! "97 year old died of old age'

I do have trouble understanding your view Bumdishcloths but I am willing to try to see it - you're not the only one to feel like that, but I am very much of the view that a young life lost is tragic, but to die at 93 is, well, ideal in many ways! I wish I could live that long although of course I'd like to be independent for as long as possible.

Of course your Mum would be very sad to lose her own Mum, but why would it tear her apart? Its hard to lose your parent at any age but mine died when I was 13 so yes, that did tear me apart - I sometimes think older people who haven't experienced terrible loss so young do really suffer when they finally lose someone, usually their parent, but surely - genuine question - your Mum was also grateful for having had your Gran for such a long time, and assuming they had a good relationship, realised how lucky she was?

Huge lack of empathy there.

My parents abandoned me. When they die I'll be relieved for NOYB reasons but I can still appreciate someone else being heartbroken when their parent dies.

Before the advent of modern medicine peoples lifespans were considerably less. People expect medical interventions to keep them going for ever now whereas years ago, death was accepted as a normal, if unwanted and upsetting, occurrence.

I genuinely cannot believe that this is a question you have asked

"Of course your Mum would be very sad to lose her own Mum, but why would it tear her apart?"

Because, for the record, she cared for her own mother for years prior to her death, and when she eventually died it was in a care home, after 3 strokes, robbed of her ability to speak and recognise relatives. My mother was torn apart by not only grief that her own mother didn't recognise her, but guilt that she couldn't logistically care for her parent at the end of her life while being a full time working single mum.

Obviously I am deeply sorry that you suffered such a loss at such a young age, but to claim that your loss is greater than someone else's is pretty unfeeling.

So it is the circumstances of her mothers death that made it worse? My mum died when she was 54 so at least she'd had her children, she had cancer, she was ill for many years. That's different though, surely; did your mother benefit from your grandmother's love and company for many years?

Of course I can understand the loss but if you can't understand how not having a mother for most of your life is worse than having one for a very long time then there's no point in discussing it and I was silly to try.

But to get back to the point, originally posters were comparing people living into their 70s to young people dying, I don't think I can contribute anything useful to the thread if people are just going to keep saying that a child or young person dying and a life lived to its natural end are the same thing.

StaplesCorner. I am very sorry to hear of your loss. It's not a competition, however. Please do not belittle someone's grief just because you feel you've had it worse.

Of course, losing someone is sad and hard and of course people can and must grieve how they grieve.

However, for me, the expected death of an elderly person does not even begin to compare with the unexpected death of a young person. I find it actually shocking that people are saying it's the same.

Hugh Hefner was a huge supporter of contraceptive/abortion rights for women

I'm sure he was. Not for the women's benefits, I'd guess, though.

I'm not sure he was known for his gay rights campaigning, though.

'Expected or unexpected, to the people close to the deceased it does not matter. I'm not sure why you're having trouble understanding that.'

There can be a world of difference. I'm amazed anyone has trouble recognising that.

Please do not belittle someone's grief just because you feel you've had it worse. ? sorry you've lost me there. I was inviting a discussion so I could understand more. Any belittling is in your mind, clearly its important to you to state that I am "unfeeling" so as to support your opposing view.

Staples/Bum*

It seems to me you are both grieving the loss of someone

In one cases the loss is off someone you've had for a long time, in the other it's the loss of the future you expected to have.

I don't know why that's hard to understand

loss of

It's not a competition. It's all loss.

It's hard to understand why people think say, the loss of a young daughter is the same as the loss of an elderly grandmother. But if that's what they think...

Just wanted to say that as a care assistant I've met a lot of very elderly people & they really do suffer when their long term partner or friends of the same age die.

Some eg 90 yr olds can be very lonely as they have no friends or siblings left!

So for them it is quite tragic.
Those who've been married eg 60 years are very lost when their partner dies.

But one of the saddest things I've seen at a funeral was the confused 101 year old mother of a neighbour who died... she never expected her daughter (also was her carer) to go first.

You never expect your child to die before you. Never, never, never.

It's hard to understand why people think say, the loss of a young daughter is the same as the loss of an elderly grandmother. But if that's what they think... I don't think I could be around someone who thought that, how can that be right. As I said earlier I was trying to understand, but really - I lost my mum, and part of my childhood. But that cannot be compared to the loss of a child.

I don't get it either OP. Didn't get the Princess Diana thing either. But it doesn't make me cross...

tehmina Yes my gran lived till 98 years of age. Although she was very mobile till she was 97, it put me off wanting to live a long time. All her contemporaries and friends had died, and any new friends she made often died within a year or less.

77 is not old

it is though.

The 70 to mid 70 year olds I know aren't 'old' really. They're not young anymore but they are enjoying life, keeping busy, fairly active, happy. We'd be devastated if they went now. It would definitely be too early and I wouldn't feel they'd had a good innings.

Maybe 80+ but not 70s , not any more. It's getting more common to live into your 90s so to go much earlier than this is sad and early.

77 is old. It is not young. It is not middle aged. It is old. It is elderly. It is geriatric.
Consult a dictionary.

Only a 23 year old (very much up thread) would call 77 middle aged.
I'll be happy (relieved even) to get to 80.

Yes if I am lucky.my middle aged would have been at 41.