Children's Consent

[mamatobabes]

AIBU to expect my mother and other relatives to comply with my request to only hug or kiss my child if SHE wants them to?

DD is 18 months. I read a very interesting article online a year or so ago about teaching children from early on that their body is theirs, and that they can say no to any unwanted physical contact at any time from anyone. After a childhood growing up having half my face kissed off by my relatives (nothing untoward!) and feeling uncomfortable about saying 'I don't want you to' in case I upset someone it made sense to me. So OH and I decided that we'd be respecting our child's decisions on hugs, kissing, tickling etc.

She is now at an age where sometimes she says no to cuddles and kisses. Even if it's me or OH, if she says no we don't do it. However, my mother plus a few other (well meaning) relatives are really put out when we say 'she said no, please don't kiss her if she doesn't want to'. It's all 'ooh Grandma will have to steal a kiss then' and 'oh Aunty is sad now, go on, be a good good girl and give me a cuddle'.

I don't think for a second that any of them are any sort of risk or threat. They are caring and loving. But I do think they should allow her to make the decision. Cue lots of huffing, comments of 'there are exceptions for grandparents, surely, it's ridiculous', 'what's the harm?' etc etc etc.

AIBU?

I hadn't realised socialisation and manners included teaching my kids that they must submit to being kissed, cuddled, picked up and tickled at all times as adults choose, for as long as adults choose, and they have no business being so rude as to show they don't like it or say no.

Wonder how this fits with safeguarding?

"Darling, stop crying and sit still on grandma's lap for two hours it's very rude to say you don't like it and want to go and play! Straighten your face and smile. Poor grandma you'll hurt her feelings."

Permatired and balsamic you seem to have strange ideas about what's sociable behaviour and what's conditioned submissiveness

I think you're more weird if you don't encourage children to do things they might not initially want to do. Jumping straight to only doing what a kid wants is terribly hands off parenting and teaches them nothing, let alone how to live in a society where, shock horror, we generally have to do a lot of things we don't want to due to social norms.

balsamicbarbara lol you are so old-school it's painful. The 1950s called - it wants its antiquated social norms back.

I can't think of anything more "hands off" than sitting back and letting your child be forced to do things with their body that they're not comfortable with.

Some social norms are precisely how some abusers got away with so much for so long and I'm not just talking child victims.

Unnecessary breast exams anyone?

I agree, but some of the responses in support of it sounds hysterical and ott. The child should not be rude when saying no, no thank you, is fine. Not shouting at Aunt Maude to "respect my wishes". That is bloody rude.