AIBU that online dating is just a tool to use women

Original poster

Confused009 · 26/09/2017 08:15

Sorry sweetshop

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 26/09/2017 08:20

There certainly can be some idiots online but also some good ones; I met my partner online in April 2016 and we just moved in together so don't give up all hope

MargaretTwatyer · 26/09/2017 08:21

Aren't a huge proportion just married men looking for a shag? There seem to be a lot of nutters out there both male and female involved in internet dating, seems to attract them. I have heard horror stories from men and women. With women it tends to be men using women for sex as you say, for men it seems to be a high proportion of batshit mental women.

I wouldn't use it.

AccrualIntentions · 26/09/2017 08:21

with men who we actually wouldn't look twice at if meeting in RL and not online.

If you wouldn't look at them twice in RL why are you bothering with them online?

greentea4me · 26/09/2017 08:24

Yes, it's usually men looking for no strings sex and people who are quite socially inept which is why they don't find someone IRL.

user1490465531 · 26/09/2017 08:25

Sadly when you get to a certain age it's a lot harder to meet people in a more natural way as most are already in relationships.
And I think the bit about most 30s women desparate to find someone to make babies is a bit if a sweeping generalisation.

RunningOutOfCharge · 26/09/2017 08:27

What do you mean ‘wouldn’t look at twice’?

Bit shallow isn’t it? Bit like the men you are moaning about.

user1490465531 · 26/09/2017 08:28

Greentea I can assure you lots of people who use OLD are far from socially inept it's just easier to meet someone this way depending on your circumstances.
Quite a nasty things to say.

firsttimerhelp · 26/09/2017 08:31

Not at all! In my online dating days I went on dates with quite a few men. All very polite, respectful and intelligent. You can weed out the bad eggs very early on- mainly by the content of their photos or a bland/disrespectful opening line. I used apps like Tinder and found them much better than the ones you pay for like match.(Didn't work out with any of them as I fell in love wit my best friend and we are now together but I met a lot of lovely people).

Smeaton · 26/09/2017 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Osolea · 26/09/2017 08:35

There are plenty of online dating disasters, but I don't think we can purely blame men for that. It's an equal thing, men can't date women that aren't putting themselves out there and vice versa. Of course there will be men looking for no strings attached sex, just as there will be women looking for the same thing, and there will be women looking because they want a family just as some men will be.

demirose87 · 26/09/2017 08:36

I met my partner online after 2 and a half years of being on the site. Had a few dates, but there was always something off about them, such as married, over invested too early, etc and the amount of strange/ dirty messages I got off other men was out of control. Genuine men looking to date who were " normal" seemed in short supply. So I think the key is to go in with eyes open and be very wary.

demirose87 · 26/09/2017 08:36

I met my partner online after 2 and a half years of being on the site. Had a few dates, but there was always something off about them, such as married, over invested too early, etc and the amount of strange/ dirty messages I got off other men was out of control. Genuine men looking to date who were " normal" seemed in short supply. So I think the key is to go in with eyes open and be very wary.

AccrualIntentions · 26/09/2017 08:37

My single friends in their 30s have been having some good results from Bumble - the woman has to make the first approach so it seems to deter some of the dick pic crowd.

OllyBJolly · 26/09/2017 08:39

Met DH online, been together 12 years, married for four.

I found it a really convenient way to meet people. What's the alternative for busy, working, single parents with no time to hang out in bars or pursue lots of hobbies? I met lots of nice guys but wasn't looking for a LTR. Most of them were.

Dulra · 26/09/2017 08:41

Me and my friends had a discussion about this recently. A few of us (including me) are married years so have never used online dating and a few do use it. The conversation was to try and help one of our mates who is so against online dating but really struggling to meet anyone in the traditional way. The advice given was mainly to be really really picky decide what you like and stick with that when looking. Also to go for the sites that you pay a membership for because you are more likely to meet genuine people.

The whole conversation baffled me and everything seems so much more complicated then it used to be but if everyone is using this method to meet people I don't think you have much choice. You just need to be savvy and know how to pick out the slime balls from the genuine people.

makeourfuture · 26/09/2017 08:44

The internet is not evil.

HolidayTimeAgain · 26/09/2017 08:46

Met my DH OLD when I was 36!!! We've been married for 13 years.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/09/2017 08:46

I met my dp online. And I met several other nice blokes too. And a few nightmares too.

From what dp says, many of the women doing OLD are awful too. Just as horrible. So it’s not all one sided.

Of course most men and women online are genuine. Just like real life. I’ve met my fair share of arseholes in bars

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 26/09/2017 08:48

I think that there's very much the same number on both sides looking to do the same thing. It's like eBay for singles.

Also, the rules of dating have changed now. It used to be that if you were dating someone you would see them exclusively until you decided it just wasn't going to work out, now people date four or five people at a time until they decide which one they want to be with and then they just ghost the rest. Anyone who is used to being texted regularly is considered needy and demanding if they haven't heard from the person they've been hearing from everyday.

All basic decency and expectation of basic decency has gone out of the window.

I'd never do it.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/09/2017 09:01

I've had three longish term relationships in the 10 years I've been using OLD. As a PP said, if you work full time and are a completely sole parent, it's the most practical option out there. I didn't mean anyone sleazy or (as far as I know) married, just people that I didn't click with - but have also made friends along the way with others, even though there was no romantic connection.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/09/2017 09:01

Meet not mean.

Oysterbabe · 26/09/2017 09:04

I met my husband on Match and am expecting our second child. People can only use you if you let them.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 26/09/2017 09:04

Deperate women take desperate measures.

Very tongue in cheek, from what I've observed of forums, a quick knee trembler up the wall of a pub seems to do the trick. Beer goggles take no prisoners.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/09/2017 09:14

It's weird: my single male friends who use OLD (and they're attractive, nice, socially ept men) generally say that they get very few responses to messages they send out, virtually no first messages from women, and mostly have a lot of first and second dates that don't go anywhere further; yet the predominant complaint of women who OLD seems to be that men have loads of women in the go at once and have therefore developed a "sweetshop" mentality. It's a strange experiential mismatch.

Im going to be the skeleton at the feast and say I've only had really good experiences OLD: although accept that may be because I'm just as likely to be looking for a casual hook-up as I am dating, and am upfront about it.