AIBU that online dating is just a tool to use women

[Confused009]

To think men use online dating as a sweatshop and women in their 30s are q target as they feel hey her bio clock is ticking and she is broody and desperate so will be easy to get a date!

I mean what my friends and I have gone through with men who we actually wouldn't look twice at if meeting in RL and not online.

Sorry my not look twice at in RL is exactly what I mean! I get contacted by all sorts and the last guy was seemingly genuine... now not sure whether to continue though I have a few potential dates on the go just not sure whether it's worth my time trying to scope out what they actually want before getting serious

The desperate to have babies was just a perception thing I get from lots of men as I can assure you I'm on no rush but the last guy kept emphasising how I must be desperate to get married and have a baby then used me!

but the last guy kept emphasising how I must be desperate to get married and have a baby then used me!

Yeah there's your problem, the huge red flags waving in your face which you ignored.

Why are you dating someone that keeps emphasising how desperate you must be?

My experience of OLD (bloke here) was of scant replies to messages sent - a weird seeming expectation that men will do all the work.

With that said, I did encounter a very few decent souls - unfortunately no-one I clicked with. Happily I met someone in RL.

I had some very flaky contacts and was ghosted by a few women - I think it cuts both ways

Oh, YABU Op

I agree with PPs about being picky and looking out for the signs. They are IME, usually pretty obvious.

DH and I met through OLD. He is the loveliest man and I'd never have met him otherwise.

I only agreed to dates with 2 people. The other approaches didn't feel right. The first date was way too emotionally involved from the start, so didn't get past a first date (he was 'gutted' ). The second was DH.

Ok I'm relieved that their are lots of success stories and maybe need to just be more picky and not waste time. I will just try to date as many as possible then instead.

Sorry there!

Yep, all men on OLD are users and all the women are quite lovely when they're not being driven quite mad by their desperation to have a baby

I met dh OLD 12yrs ago, a friend met hers around the same time (on a hookup site ) and my friend (50ish) just married a man she met online almost two years ago. I think there are a lot of success stories but like any other kind of dating you will meet more people who don't suit than do and there will be a lot of chancers.

I agree with pp that you have to be very upfront about what you want and you need to practice good boundaries. There are no guarantees in OLD or IRL.

It's a mixed bag
However I married my online date this year
It's a numbers game really- meet lots of people and hopefully you will meet someone you click with

I think where you live is a factor too, rurally there’s less people than in a city to meet up with (not impossible but less chance based on numbers)

Is there some kind of secret code used by women on OLD who are seeking casual sex? I ask because EVERY profile I saw on a range of sites said "I am NOT on here for casual sex"

I find most men are looking for a relationship tbh and are honest about that. I also agree that a lot of men have little success online and very few actual dates. They complain that women disappear and find it hard work.

Karma I agree with your whole post... very useful

I think it depends on the site you use. I think match, plenty of fish etc are a bit of a sweatshop focused on looking at pictures etc. If you use a site that focuses on comparability you can see a huge difference. I met my husband on a comparability based site!