... To just scream FUCK IT ALL and shove them in the local primary.

[Mrsfullhouse]

Good god I'm exhausted. I have three beautiful DC's. DS1 in Reception, DS2 in nursery and DD in year 6. All at a lovely prep school. So far so good....

However, by the ripe old age of 10, my DD has managed to become a rather excellent singer a consummate LAMDA exam taker and very talented hockey player, so all of my time is spent running her around to fixtures/ training/ concerts/ practices/ performances/ exams... you get the picture. DH is at rugby on Saturdays, so it is invariably me that does all the running around because he's either working or too tired on a Sunday. I just seem to spend my life in the car. This excludes all of the actual travel to and from the lovely prep (bloody miles away). Extra travel for all of the lovely things that they do that nice mummies actually turn up to an clap politely as they watch little Horatio murder a violin in cold blood. Plus all the lovely coffee dates- oh and you know, the actual job that I do... that I barely have time for.

The thing is, her lovely prep has encouraged DD to pursue these avenues having 'discovered' her talents- along with a million other things that if she had gone to the local primary, I'm pretty sure I would have been too smugly lazy to even think about. That is no reflection on state school mummies- I know some super-tiger ones.... but I would probably been awful and not even let her join recorder club because- well, who the fuck wants to listen to the fucking recorder.

So this is my life now, and I barely have time to think, let alone spend time polishing my turd enough to look acceptable in public.

I love the lovely prep.... but I think about how ridiculous it is now, and in a few years time I will have three actively participating in all of this shit. No doubt they will stumble upon some glorious talent that DS1 has that will involve me traversing the country, burning £50 notes and chucking them out of the car window as I go.

So, would it be unreasonable to just shout FUCK IT ALL, pull them out, stick them in the lovely, but not as lovely as lovely prep, primary and spend my evenings and weekends drinking very very cold wine and talking to my chickens?

Anybody else just feel like, as much as they love their DC's and their wonderful talents, they wish that they'd just never fucking encouraged them in the first place?

You are not a dickhead you tried to do a lighthearted isn't it all hilarious post which back fired a little on you but you are not a dickhead . Sounds like you have lost total control and being swept along you don't have to though ,

What on earth are the nanny and the chauffeur doing while you do all this?

Get staff. Please. Am exhausted reading that.

I suppose what gets people's backs up is the insinuation that state schools don't encourage children or state school kids don't do 'elite' things. That pissed me off - I won't talk about what my state educatbe kids do, but honestly, it's not far off yours.

MrsFullHouse you sounds like you need a hug and so virtually sending both. Can relate to the shit, life is short following by the grief of a loved one. And dementia is an awful disease.

Think about what you want out of life and how you can achieve it as well as your family goals.

It is irrelevant about whether it is state or private, we are all run ragged doing our best. But the point is your best isn't good enough, because next week your dd will show some promise at lacrosse or whatever so you just can not keep adding more and more. so you need to still some 'timetable discipline' my dear!!! Just because they are good at something does not mean you have to be run ragged!! Most of us would be dead and buried trying to 'support' every last interest/ability.

You need to get your timetable and slash it in half (everyone will breathe a sigh of relief trust me)

Do you not think they would actually rather just spend a little more time with you?

One sport and one instrument per child end of. The sport once a week and the instrument practice before they go to school in the morning. If they won't do the practice said instrument is dropped.

Your child I have to say is unlikely to the the next Murray or Bolt so all of the time you are wasting driving, and screaming and crying is for nothing - sorry to be harsh, but your memories of their childhood will be a blur of car journeys and nothing else. By the time she is 14 and has discovered boys and hair straighteners you will be past caring about anything either having drunk yourself to oblivion or had a proper breakdown, or be divorced.

The strain IS unbearable and something will give.

Let your kids be kids, play with the chickens, take them for a walk and play with them, CHOOSE life not the back seat of a car and a hobby no one will remember in ten years from now. There are some great resources out there for taking a step (or three back) simple parenting google that today. Your children will look back and just see a stressed out frantic and frazzled mother that was pushed too far almost all the way through their childhood, or would you prefer a happier, calm and more balanced childhood memory for them?

Your choice.

I sadly suspect you will carry on as you are until something horrible stops you in your tracks. Take care of you, your well being is important as well.

still - instil

Wow. So if you sent your kids to state school like us plebs you would have so much time to drink wine?? As obviously parents od state school kids don't bother nuturing talent and driving kids to extra curricular activities so have lots of time to play bingo and watch our besties on Jeremy Kyle.

I also like the whimsical humour to disguise the back handed "you poor people are so lucky i'm so jealous of all your free time and oh did I mention what a pain it is to have 3 so talented children"

You need a RL friend who really knows you, to pour the wine, comfort your grief and commiserate over the mums taxi stuff. Sometimes everyone needs a bit of a moan before deciding it's just life and getting on with it again. I'm sure you are a nice person and really the online opinion of a load of strangers who only have a few paragraphs to go on is neither here nor there. I hope you don't dwell on the negative stuff and can take the sensible advice/support on board.

And give yourself a break.... I have a friend who's husband teaches at private school and even he admits that the biggest difference is paying for the exclusivity and pushy environment rather than the quality of education (sends his to good state primary BTW) Relax, be yourself and just don't buy into the competitive stuff. Just enjoy your kids

One of many resources but this will get you started. Read the book, it is honestly excellent.

www.simplicityparenting.com/

DS manages to murder his violin perfectly well at the village primary.

I’m sorry about your granny. And yes you’re being a twat. But I spend most of my waking hours being one, so I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Few of us can say we aren’t twats at some point or another.

You don’t need to compete at school. Your daughter will be off to senior school next year and can stop the extra curricular, and just be more circumspect about what the others want to do. You still need to have a life.

Hate to break it to you but state primary and secondary school kids can also be good at things. I've got a 12 year old hockey player who competes at county level, who also plays rugby and football. A 10 year old football player who also runs for the county and a 7 year old who's following in her older brother's hockey boot clad footsteps. Not one of them was at prep school, and all three train and play matches throughout the week and weekend (Thursday evening is our one free from all sports/taxiing them around time)

DH coaches both their hockey and football, so I think you need to kick your dh up the arse a bit and get a bit of help - they're his kids too!

Oh, and we still find time to drink cold wine as well, check me out, multi tasking like a good un'

Listen to how you feel now OP, pare things back and don't let this moment of perspective fade away with things unchanged. These hobbies and interests do have benefits, but they also have costs in terms of time and energy.

I went to a very academic private school from age 11. I went there from a state junior school and expected the girls who had been in the private junior and primary to be ahead in some ways educationally. Absolutely the opposite was true. I really feel that except in certain individual circumstances private school before senior level is a waste of money.

I would send your other children to your local school. I would pare down the activities.

Sorry about your granny. Personally I spend very little time driving ds to activities. He does football and a bit of rugby. Tried an instrument for a while but it didn't stick. I'm OK with that. I don't feel like he has missed out not doing Beavers/ violin/french/ gymnastics or whatever. Mostly he comes home from school and goes out to kick a ball around with the neighbours kids.
You don't have any obligation to facilitate all this gubbins. And, yes, "shove" them into the local primary. Why wouldn't you?

PS I do think you just need a bit of a break from it all, if you lived closer I'd pour you a large glass of wine and drive your kids where they needed to be for the evening. All I can offer is a virtual wine and a 'you got this' virtual pat on the bs k though.

I should add that sending them to the local school and paring back the activities are unconnected. Everyone above is right about high achievers and very busy schedules across the board....I don't know where you have got the idea that those things are just in private education.

Can I ask who on this forum either remembers fondly and with passion every single hobby or sport they ever did as a child after school?

Secondly how many of us are doing it to a professional level that pays the rent/mortgage as an adult?

Answers on a postcard

I agree about being kind to yourself and cutting yourself some slack. I do kind of get what you mean about all this "lovely, lovely, lovely" on the surface but you're screaming inside. Harness the laughter, and look for ways for everyone in the family to do a little less.

Something's got to give, Mrs. Sit down tonight with dh and reassess.

Sorry about your grandma.

I think people are being a bit mean to you on this thread OP. I read your post at face value, and wasn't even remotely offended by things others have raised on this thread.

It does sound like a good time to re-evaluate how the family functions on a day to day basis. Personally I'd pull back on the volunteering for a bit, although I can see why DH would continue with the rugby coaching.

I don't think your kids need to do that many activities. Ask them to prioritise which they'd like to keep and why. You may be able to find alternative to some that are more local and require less schlepping. Also, can you share lifts with other parents?

I'm state educated and had a talent that my parents nurtured during my youth. My siblings paid for that to some extent as I effectively took over Saturday mornings. It did me the world of good, but in the wider scheme of things may not have been best for the family overall. Both parents worked full time in demanding jobs and shared the burden of transporting me 30 miles every Saturday morning.

I'm willing to accommodate a few extracurricular activities for my kids when the time comes, but it all had to be a balance and everyone needs downtime.

Oh gosh

Just going to answer your OP

I do thank god on a daily basis that my children do not have a particular talent...especially in sports

Dd looked close but has lost interest in most things...we are concerned about her health at the moment but again this would probably be worse if she was olympic standard

I don't think kids really did much back in the day. I did (v.amateur)youth theatre for a few years. That's it really. My siblings taught themselves to play guitar or learned how to fix stuff from books. We didn't have any money or a car, but it wasn't usual in the 80s ime for kids to have loads of extra curriculars. All siblings are high achievers in life.
I think it's important to have downtime, freedom and sometimes some boredom. Time to think, daydream and fettle. Life is too short to be over scheduled.

OP, my Gran died a few months ago. Also dementia related, which she’d been suffering with for about 15 years (so I believe it can be possible to live with dementia for 20 years unlike a previous poster ).
I didn’t cry either, and felt guilty about that. But I think that dementia has a very peculiar effect on the way we grieve, so don’t feel bad about not crying. But have a curl up and a bawl if it helps .

I reiterate my previous post - if your DS is enjoying and benefitting from the activities then try to find a way to accommodate. But if it’s just ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ then it’s time to scale back.

Your post came across the wrong way, and it’s now apparent that it could have gone on a more suitable board, but it’s obvious now that you didn’t mean it the way it came across. Take care.