The never-ending visitors for a Newborn

[ColdFeetWarmHeart]

Is it just me or is there a lot of people who think they have some right to see a squishy newborn??

My friends have sent messages saying congratulations, let us know when I'm up for visitors / meeting up etc. Lovely. But family, especially family that you don't see much of normally, expect to come round and see you when the baby is a couple of days old. There is never any question of "is mum ready for it?" Or is it convenient?? No of course not!!

Wibu to book a last minute break in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, away with DH, and DD1 & 2 for a month and not tell anyone where we are??

I understand on the one hand that you don't want a string of visitors, but on the other hand just think about how lucky you are that people care about your baby and you enough to want to come and visit. Not everyone (including me) had that benefit.

I don't understand this mumsnet need to tuck yourself away for weeks and hibernate with your newborn. I'm not annoyed that family and friends wanted to meet the baby, it's nice they came round with gifs, made me tea etc, brought any bits in I needed so I didn't have to go out.

Ryan I don't either! I had to bloody get up 3 days after a section and take DD1 to nursery because DH was back at work!

I had my Mum and sister to visit a couple of times in the first days and then had to carry on as usual.

I was far better for it too really....there's a lot to be said for just getting on with things.

That was to Raven...not Ryan!

I know how you feel op I think family get clouded by their own excitement to meet the newborn they forget about the mother and fathers feelings and if they want to see anyone I felt the same after birth of my DS I just wanted to be left alone time alone in our own home after being in hospital for over a week time to adjust to being a first time mum time to peacefully stare at my DS and have lots of cuddles and time with just my DH so the three of us could get to know one another better.

Mil cane the same day I had my daughter as I went home the same day, my mum came the next day. I didn't mind too much as they were really helpful. They didn't expect us to host or anything. Just wanted to see the baby and let me get some rest while I did
It depends on your family. If they cone and expect to be made cups of tea and lunch while they are there then I wouldn't of had them round so early

Ffs what's the big deal ? People are just being kind ! I don't understand at all what the big fuss is that women make these days about appropriate visiting times ! I have had 4dcs and everyone that vitiated did so purely out of kindness and being happy for us ! Get over yourself and stop being so melodramatic !

It is a lovely thing to see and hold a newborn baby, but that is no excuse for inconsiderate behaviour. My neighbours walked in while the door was open and then cheerfully started talking about their recent D&V troubles...

I was excited to see people but I was also hallucinating with tiredness. At one point I had to tell someone to give me my baby back - she was screaming with hunger and my dear visitor was telling her 'oh no, you can't be hungry again, you have to wait' It got better once DH announced he would not be making any more cups of tea and visitors would have to fend for themselves!

I'm hopefully taking my newborn home tomorrow after two weeks in a NICU in a hospital two hours from home. I've only seen our older DS once in two weeks. There will be no visitors!

I had people come over the day I came home the first time (was only home for a day, then had to go back in). Unfortunately the medication I was on made me feel terrible and I had to go to bed, and shortly after DH had to bring DS up for a feed, so the visitors didn't see much of either of us.

If I'd thought about it a bit more I think I'd have delayed the visit. I just wasn't very well, and probably not really up to seeing visitors at all.

I liked people visiting and neither of my two were easy deliveries or easy newborns.

To be honest I don't go to see a newborn. I've had them up to my ears in the last 4 years. I go to see my friend/family/new mum and bring them some food and support in case they need it. I don't go until they pretty much invite me but I do say along with my congrats 'let me know when you're ready for visitors'. Hopefully they don't mustakemly take that as a demand or right to see their baby immediately.

Oh and I have always liked all the visitors personally! Despite being quite sick for a long time after the birth of my first.

Still cross with my mil who turned up every day to hospital for a week and then at ours the afternoon we got home. Sat there for hours holding my brand new baby and didn't do much as make a cup of tea. Also cross with myself for not taking baby and myself to bed regardless but in my defence I hadn't slept in a week and wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders. Wouldn't put up with again.

Bully for all you supermums who hiked up a hill 4 days after a c-section with your newborn triplets on your back. if only everyone could be as amazing as you.....

Back in the real world, many women suffer baby blues and quick onset depression straight after birth and really, really struggle. I actually wasn't one of those but I'm not so lacking in empathy that I can't realise people do.

Also, you may have kind relatives and friends who visit to bring shepherds pie, run the hoover over the entire house and make you tea. Some people have spoken of experiences where they've been put in very uncomfortable situations. Let's not pretend everyone is actually there to help.

Why can't it just be understood that some people want/enjoy visitors and have lovely experiences of it and other people don't want/don't enjoy visitors and in a number of cases mentioned here have had horrible experiences of it?

One side doesn't have to win, why the name calling? Surely it's normal that different people want to make different choices?

Turn phone off - lock door. Enjoy squishy cuddles.

From the other perspective, before I had one myself I thought you were expected to visit new mums and they'd be offended if you weren't desperate to cuddle the new arrival. I can only surmise that this sense of obligation is also why we received visits from dh's male friends with no prior interest in babies! Obviously now I know my friends would have not have minded in the slightest if I hadn't rushed to visit them in the first fortnight.

You could always hang one of these on the door

As it's your mum they're all going to, tell her you refuse visitors. I can't understand the ridiculous rush to see the baby. They can bloody well wait until you've had a chance to breathe.

Honestly and truly don't understand people who are precious about this kind of thing.
An open house for 2 hours on a Saturday, really?
The more the merrier, I say.

Omg preach! I literally felt like my doorbell ever stopped going. The worst is the we were just going past and thought we would 'pop' in!!! No notice at all and generally with a breast pump strapped to you !. It wears of quickly they soon stop coming over so frequently. But if your really finding it annoying just be honest. Most people who have had a baby understand and the rest will just have to lump it. Congratulations on your new addition though OPx

Maybe those who were really pleased to have visitors didn't have birth injuries or lose 2litres of blood

I almost died giving birth to DC2, and was unconscious for over 24 hours after losing a lot of blood and having an emergency operation. I was still thrilled to have visitors in the first few days after we (finally) got home.

When DD1 came out of hospital at 8 weeks old after being born 12 weeks early, we didn't tell a soul we were home for a week. We had a 4lb baby, nipple shields and medications to contend with. Those days were the most precious to me. She got RSV within a week of visitors arriving. This time around we'll do the same, not tell a soul other than parents, who know to stay away

Glad to see I'm not on my own here, though equally not surprised to see the odd "being selfish / I loved visitors" etc.

Odd visitor arranging to come round for about 1hr. OK. I can manage that. It's when you have visitor after visitor, or people staying for hours on end, and you suddenly realised that the whole day has gone!!

I am very glad that so many of you have family and friends that come over and help out. Unfortunately I do not have the kind of family who will bring over a casserole, or ask if we need anything from shops to save DH going out. Instead we have relatives who expect lunch / cream cakes etc. It is only my parents and sister that have helped in any way.
And yes. Incredibly ungrateful of me to not to appreciate my dad mowing the lawn 2 days after DD2 was born.

Yesterday was just DH and I and our 2 girls and it was bloody lovely. I have had a chance to catch up on some sleep and rest so I feel a little more human. After school I had cuddles with both of my girls at the same time. The 4 of us had time together. We are doing the same today before DH returns to work tomorrow.

I think my sister might have had words with my mother as yesterday I was asked about visitors etc and told that my mother doesn't want to overwhelm me. We will be back to "visiting" from Thursday, as long as I am up to it on the day. A close family friend is coming over for lunch, and she will not be in the least offended if I have to reschedule, will be happy to make tea if I am busy breastfeeding when she arrives etc.

We are having an "open house" type thing this weekend at my parents for the extendeds (2nd cousin twice removed that you swap Christmas cards with and see at weddings and funerals etc).

I am now also making plans to see my friends and am really looking forward to seeing them.

Oh and to the pps who said they bet I'm accepting gifts from all these visitors?? In my experience it is the people that ask you if you are up for visitors that are also kind enough to buy baby an outfit or something. Extended family members that attempt to descend on you en masse do not bring gifts or even remember the child's birthday a year on.