The never-ending visitors for a Newborn

[ColdFeetWarmHeart]

Is it just me or is there a lot of people who think they have some right to see a squishy newborn??

My friends have sent messages saying congratulations, let us know when I'm up for visitors / meeting up etc. Lovely. But family, especially family that you don't see much of normally, expect to come round and see you when the baby is a couple of days old. There is never any question of "is mum ready for it?" Or is it convenient?? No of course not!!

Wibu to book a last minute break in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, away with DH, and DD1 & 2 for a month and not tell anyone where we are??

I loved all the visitors. I sat on the sofa or in the garden and received them all whilst my husband brought tea/cake/champagne. In fact, when I got home from hospital 6 hours after I had delivered my 2nd, my house was full. They had all let themselves in! It is such a happy memory to me.

Within about 2 weeks they had all gone and it was just me and the baby - that's when I found it boring and lonely.

The first bit was lovely!

However, MN has taught me that many new parents loathe visitors. Just be honest - tell them you want to be alone.

We saw everyone in the hospital - visiting times and visitor numbers were limited and controlled, then everyone left us alone for a bit when we went home. Was ideal.

I'm probably in the minority but I loved having visitors soon after my two were born.

I banned everyone from the hospital except my parents, and they only came the next day. Most people didn't know I had gone into labour though. We weren't daft enough to tell anyone.

Dont understand this reluctance to have visitors. I loved it!!
Just had a visit from dhs new great grandson aged 9 days _ his dps live 100 miles away but knew dh not fit to travel so sent a surprise text in morning to say they were visiting later in day - just wanted us to see him asap!!
Lovely getting together!

It's weird, isn't it? With DC1 we had a constant stream, even after I said "no" people still turned up! Two of DH's friends from uni who I'd never met turned up and sat in our kitchen for three hours. Seven years later, we've not seen or heard from them since that day! Maybe they were appalled by DC1's ugliness?

With DC2, we ended up having a gathering on an appointed day, between 2 and 5 I think, where you could drop in and look at the baby. That worked really well.

I've never understood it personally - newborn babies are very cute, but boring, and parents tired. If we're not best friends, just send me a picture and I'll come and visit when you're out of the worst of it.

I totally messed up with my first, SO many family members and random people insisted they HAD to come and see her and when I was visiting relatives I genuinely wanted to see I got ambushed by lots of other extended family members who had all been told I'd be coming. Guess who I've never seen again since DD was a week old after they'd had their precious cuddles with a newborn

YADNBU! Do it how you want and be assertive early on! I wish I had been

The way I got round it was by choosing one day and giving people a 1-2hr slot depending on how much you like them. Add breaks for feeding yourself. Honestly we got through quite a few visitors and then it was all done.

I never had any visitors. Everyone made the right noises but I'm still waiting 4 months later. I had to show dc off to the local shop and chinese take away. It actually makes me quite sad.

I put a note on the door saying "baby sleeping, do not ring the bell", then disconnected the door bell. Bliss!

Tell people you will let them know when you're up for visitors.
People just want to meet your gorgeous new addition. And if they didn't some parents would be on here moaning "why don't my friends/family want to meet ds/dd?"

My boys were in nicu (one for 2 weeks, one for 2 months) and we had two visitors the entire time. Could have done with more support to be honest. If people turn up, assume they want to help with the housework and give them a job before they get a cuddle, and only if it fits in with your schedule

I avoided all visitors bar immediate family as I was so ill I cancelled a lot of people and just said I'm ill and tired can we reschedule everyone was gutted but how can the object

Say no. Good people will understand. But also (whilst you say no think it's lovely for those people to want to - the good ones at least). There's another end to the scale, when no one wants to come. A happy balance would be lovely.

@fizzandchips
We had an open house from 2-4pm on a Satuarday afternoon.

That's a good idea!

I had no hospital visitors except GP's.
The next week my mum arranged for family to go to her house for a couple of hours and I took baby there. No hosting for me or cleaning up after people.

I think what you have to remember is the baby is not just your child, but your sisters niece or nephew, your parents and PIL grandchild etc etc. So naturally they will want to meet the newest member of their family and whilst it can be mildly irritating I kind of think they do have a right to do so.

The midwife will be out with you most days anyway so it's not like you can just live In a wee bubble. Embrace the love from your family. I thought i wouldn't want any visitors when I had my baby but I had loads of people round within a couple of hours of giving birth and I was so proud to show off my new son.

I loved having visitors. I was happy to tell them to go or to make there own teas and coffees though. All my friends and family are relaxed and wouldn't mind if I asked them not to stay long.

Newborn babies are incredible and I understand why people want to see them when they are brand new. I'd never impose myself on someone else though. I've read enough Mumsnet threads to understand thst some people don't want visitors.

I'd just say no it's not convenient. I had 14 people in my house within half an hour of getting home from hospital including my sisters BF who I barely knew and who couldn't even say hi let alone congratulations. I've never felt so uncomfortable in my own home with him staring at me and not saying a bloody word!

DS was 12 hours old, I was stitched up & bleeding, we hadn't slept at all for 3 days and were trying to get to grips with breastfeeding. It was awful!

This time around I might ban visitors for at least a fortnight.

Oh @etchasketch that sounds a nightmare! Oh I'd have been steaming and absolutely screamed at everyone to get out of my house! That's awful!

Ban them for a fortnight this time. Do it!

While I agree with the sentiment that people have a right to meet their newest family member, the health and rest of MUM is far more important than people cuddling the baby. It's not as if you get much out of a meeting newborn baby if we're being honest, and they can wait a few weeks and have the same experience. I don't think it's anybody's right to disrupt the new mum's life or impose upon her.

I'm totally with you on this one! While I was still in hospital a whole load of relatives who I see about three times a year landed down, disturbing my in laws first visit and not caring that one of them was loaded with the cold! By the end of the first week, I'd had more than 30 visitors (not including repeats) and DD had to be checked out in hospital because she'd lost so much weight
The annoying thing was, it was all the people I was close to who ended up being put off, because they were sensitive and asked, whereas so many people were totally entitled. By the 4th day in a row of 'can we come over today?' I inevitably caved. After DDs weight loss, I restricted it to one set of visitors a day, and banned evening guests, which also helped cut down the numbers.

I had hardly any visitors for my DD2....it annoyed me and made me sad. Look on the bright side.

Both mine were born in foreign countries shortly after we had moved. We had no visitors, it was depressing.

I just don't get this at all. I absolutely loved that everyone was almost as excited about my baby as I was! You would soon have something to complain about if people didn't give a shit. People can't win.

It's not that I don't want people to be excited, but when you can't spend time with your closest friends, or have a nap, or just relax with your boobs hanging out because your whole day is made up of Tony and Margaret from round the corner/ cousin Julie who's phone number you don't even have/ your husband's mother's second cousin decide to pop in at a time that suits them, with no thought for the new parents, then yes, it is a pain. I missed lunch 3 times that first week because I was so busy hosting people who had called in unannounced and stayed for hours....