Ignoring pregnancy- rude?

[MamaOfTwos]

So I'm pg with DC2, after a very traumatic and difficult time with DC1, who is the most happy, chilled baby going. It's a surprise pregnancy but a very happy one, we always wanted a small age gap. We've only told very close family due to previous losses. Recently spoke to SIL & told her, her and DB have been trying for a while for DC2 but she smokes, drinks and is out all the time whilst her DC1 is constantly babysat. She's ignored my texts, saw her yesterday at a family BBQ and she was chatting to me fine, but threw me a cold stare and walked off when I rubbed my stomach (completely subconscious)
I've not mentioned it to anyone but DH noticed and thought she was so rude, but I know she's supposedly 'trying' for a second and we've got pregnant easily (although we've obviously not discussed this)

We're meant to be spending Xmas with them when I'll be noticeably pregnant, not to mention family birthdays and gatherings before then, WTF am I supposed to do?!

She's been vile to me before over pretty stupid things like booking to see a pantomime & who's DC would be in the better school?! She's weirdly competitive but I'm not bothered! Any idea how to handle this?

What is it with the belly rubbing? I was on a professional course paid for by work once. It involved group work, activities, etc and on a table with about 5 other people.

One was pregnant and all day on the course, she didnt leave her fucking stomach alone. Stroking it, rubbing it, raking nails gently across it. It was really distracting. On an all day course from 9-5 she barely left it alone. Subconscious or not it it's bloody annoying.

@PickleRickSanchez, the OP said that her DB told her that she'd been rubbing her belly, which suggests she genuinely wasn't aware that she was doing it. I think an apology would have been in order at that point.

Maybe AF arrived that day and she was struggling to cope with seeing you pregnant. Who knows.

I think the OP is getting a bit of a harsh time IMO. OP Has had her fair share of heartache with miscarriages. She rubbed her hand over her bump subconsciously, think most mums to be have done that (not odd or intentional but instinctive) and she's been branded many negative things . Her DB thought she (SIL) was rude and past episodes of SIL being competitive and petty make me side with the OP. Talk to your friends and family in RL OP as they'll have better advice as they know you and the situation better than a forum of strangers. Good luck

I worship my DC and she doesn't seem to be bothered if she's with hers from one week to the next:

Worship? That sounds very unhealthy.

You do seem to have a jealousy/superiority thing going on here.

I think the problem is that the OP was far too critical of her SIL's choices, and of course it's none of her business. Her body her choice (another favourite MN phrase!). There's been a lot of projecting here, though, over the infertility issue.

The ganging up earlier in the thread was very unpleasant, however, the OP has herself been through a lot of heartache with her miscarriages.

I read this in the eyes of your SIL as I remember that feeling when ttc is taking a while, and just after I miscarried (not many people knew) one of my best friends announced her very easily concieved pregnancy, I tried my best to be excited and happy for her but did sort of avoid her and talking about it for a little while as it was so raw and painful.

I bet you rubbing your tummy to her just felt like you were rubbing it in and she chose to walk away.

Talking about her going out and drinking just sounds spiteful imo. She isn't pregnant and as you say it has been taking a while to concieve so should she be staying home and knitting instead?!

Yes. Not convinced that 'worshipping' your child is quite normal or terribly healthy.

I have two DC and went through a pretty horrific process to eventually bring home two healthy children (extreme prematurity, masses of in-utero treatment etc). A few years ago at a family party my SIL - who I have a great relationship with - had a few drinks and then absolutely laid into me about me being smug and self-righteous about my two children. I was absolutely stunned and taken-aback as this was the last thing I thought I was being. I was still feeling very bruised emotionally from the awful process I had to go through to have my children.

Months and months later it turned out that SIL and her DH had been trying for their second baby without success for a long time. They were going through IVF and the whole process was awful for them. I just hadn't known. SIL is usually incredibly understanding and sympathetic about the process DH and I had to go through to have our children but at that moment my struggles were irrelevant - she was just desperately yearning for what I had.

May be a similar situation to yours, OP.

You don't like each other, you both know it. You think she's skanky and she thinks you are a smug sanctimummy.
Just minimise contact and stick to civil.
Do be careful about judging love given by what people say. I doubt I love mine less than you, but I'm aware what bores people can be about their own children and tend towards deprecation when talking about them casually. I don't tell anyone I worship/adore them etc. I sort of take that as a given. There's no obvious pattern of better parenting between my equally self-deprecating friends and those more given to #blessed demonstrations.
Your SIL may feel that having family around her at these gatherings gives her time-off from full-on responsibility and so lets her hair down. It doesn't mean that she ignores her DC in everyday family life.
I can't see how going out a couple of nights a week is damaging her sleeping dc, and given drinking is inherent in much UK social life across all social classes, her drinking alcohol on those nights isn't startling.
If her alcohol consumption is excessive and affecting domestic life, then hopefully your DB will address it but you've said nothing that points in that direction.

light sanctimummy!

yes it is mildly rude, and in an ideal world everyone would give you the utmost respect as you no doubt deserve, and crush their own feelings in order to be polite to you.

But she may well be very upset about not being able to get pregnant, so if you have any humanity I suggest not turning it into an episode of Eastenders and just ignoring it.

How desperately do you need massive respect from everyone all the time in order to feel adequate?