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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ignoring pregnancy- rude?

111 replies

MamaOfTwos · 24/09/2017 17:17

So I'm pg with DC2, after a very traumatic and difficult time with DC1, who is the most happy, chilled baby going. It's a surprise pregnancy but a very happy one, we always wanted a small age gap. We've only told very close family due to previous losses. Recently spoke to SIL & told her, her and DB have been trying for a while for DC2 but she smokes, drinks and is out all the time whilst her DC1 is constantly babysat. She's ignored my texts, saw her yesterday at a family BBQ and she was chatting to me fine, but threw me a cold stare and walked off when I rubbed my stomach (completely subconscious)
I've not mentioned it to anyone but DH noticed and thought she was so rude, but I know she's supposedly 'trying' for a second and we've got pregnant easily (although we've obviously not discussed this)

We're meant to be spending Xmas with them when I'll be noticeably pregnant, not to mention family birthdays and gatherings before then, WTF am I supposed to do?!

She's been vile to me before over pretty stupid things like booking to see a pantomime & who's DC would be in the better school?! She's weirdly competitive but I'm not bothered! Any idea how to handle this?

OP posts:

NooNooHead1981 · 24/09/2017 18:01

splendid LOL

Gorgosparta · 24/09/2017 18:01

Op i dont like my sil. She is judgemental. She doesnt like the fact that I work and have kids.

She doesnt know i know she said it. Dbro called me and my answering machine picked up, dbro didnt hang up properly and you could hear her in the background saying 'she is probably working. Dont know why she bothered having kids. People like her should be infertile'.

I knew way before that she disliked me and i kept my distance. I dont see dbro as much and dont see him at christmas. Thats their choice, not mine. They choose to soend it with her parents and ours cime to mine. Its just how it is.

Accept you dont get on. It will make life easier. Though i do think you could give her a bit of break in the circumstances.

BackieJerkhart · 24/09/2017 18:02

If she was serious about wanting more children, surely she'd adjust her lifestyle to make this more realistic?

What does it have to do with you how "seriously" she takes her TTC? surely it's up to her? Lots of people take a more "if it happen she it happens" relaxed approach. Lots of people will tell people to "relax and it will happen" perhaps carry on her smoking and drinking is her way of not becoming stressed and obsessed with TTC.

pasturesgreen · 24/09/2017 18:02

She genuinely seems to hate me

Well, you genuinely don't seem to like her very much yourself

Gorgosparta · 24/09/2017 18:02

I worship my DC and she doesn't seem to be bothered if she's with hers from one week to the next: I think I need to accept we're polar opposites and move on

Yeah you lost any sympathy with that one. You dont love your child more. None of what you have written makes you a better person. You will be miserable if you continue to think that way.

Nuttynoo · 24/09/2017 18:03

Who rubs their belly 'subconsciously'? You were being goady and got caught and now are trying to defend yourself. You also sound very smug about being able to conceive straight away- it's not an achievement it's luck. Most women can get knocked up whether they drink or smoke.

Strongly suggest you just mind your own. Let her live her life and you live yours.

Threenme · 24/09/2017 18:03

Op why are you judging her for having a babysitter 2 nights a week and enjoying herself? I stayed at dgp house every single Friday and Saturday forever, literally until I moved out when I was 19. I loved it, the loved it and you can bet my mum did! She went out, I was safe and in all honesty spoilt rotten! What would you have found acceptable her to stay in and knit! I'll be offering to do the same for my dc when they have kids.

UtterlyRainbowed · 24/09/2017 18:04

I don't think you sound overly judgemental. It came across to me as she's trying to get pregnant but does things which aren't conducive to conception.

It is rude to ignore a pregnancy - I have a relative who didn't believe I couldn't have not known I was pregnant for six months and therefore ignored me when I told her because she thought I'd told everyone else and asked them not to tell her to exclude her (yes, seriously). It makes it awkward for other people.

You seem to be very different people and you get the impression she dislikes you. She probably gets the same impression from you. Just leave her be and don't speak to her much. If she succeeds with a second pregnancy be the bigger person and congratulate her.

Congratulations on your baby news :)

ProperLavs · 24/09/2017 18:05

I'm not surprised she hates you. You are a nightmare.

Rachie1973 · 24/09/2017 18:09

''If she was serious about wanting more children, surely she'd adjust her lifestyle to make this more realistic?

I worship my DC and she doesn't seem to be bothered if she's with hers from one week to the next: I think I need to accept we're polar opposites and move on''

OMG you're horrible! Listen to your judgey antagonistic tone. You'subconsciously' rubbed your belly, but you know exactly this is why she glared at you? Indicates anything BUT subconscious actually.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 24/09/2017 18:09

Congratulations.
But rubbing you stomach in front of someone who wants a baby is the epitome of Insensitive.
You know what that longing is like. Twist it around the other way.

NikiBabe · 24/09/2017 18:10

What do you want her to say?

She has had a child and so have you. She has been pregnant before she knows what it is like. What do you want to discuss? What do you want her to ask? Pregnancy really isnt that interesting to anyone other than the parents.

ASAS · 24/09/2017 18:11

supposedly 'trying' for a second

^how fucking pleasant are you?
I'm "supposedly trying for a second ". I look like I drink at weddings so nosey fuckers aren't asking if I've got a little secret. My dear and darling son is staying with my mum tonight so we can shag. You need a little empathy.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/09/2017 18:11

I'd ignore you as well OP. I'd stay as far away from you as I could because you sound really horrible.

I doubt your brother is impressed with you either. His loyalty should and will be with his wife, not you.

Do them a favour and stay far, far away from them.

LucieLucie · 24/09/2017 18:12

Maybe she thinks she shouldn't have confided in you that she was trying for her second, as it may appear to look as if you've gone and jumped in a bit prematurely with your second pregnancy when it was maybe a bit unexpected?

Subconsciously rubbing your tummy? How many weeks/days are you?

Your post does scream of competitiveness and judgement I'm afraid op.

BackieJerkhart · 24/09/2017 18:15

Can you just imagine whilst TTC having to attend all the family gatherings whilst your SIL "subconsciously" rubs her ever growing belly and makes snide comments about people leaving their DC with grandparents and how she never would because she is the much superior type of parent who worships their precious child. FYI children aren't supposed to be worshipped. Your setting yourself up to be the parent of an entitled brat.

quaqua · 24/09/2017 18:16

Why didn't you mention your pregnancy when you were initially chatting to her?

user1492964816 · 24/09/2017 18:16

I worship my DC and she doesn't seem to be bothered if she's with hers

Slightly judgmental! Who cares if they go out a couple of nights a week, great that they have a large support network to be honest. Does not mean she does not care or want to be with her child, that's you being judgmental about how you think she should parent.

Think it's best left to family gatherings as an when you need to but otherwise you should let her get on with what she wants and how she wants to live her life.

Medeci · 24/09/2017 18:18

...but threw me a cold stare and walked off when I rubbed my stomach (completely subconscious)

If you rubbed your stomach completely subconsciously you wouldn't have been aware you'd done it.

Happyemoji · 24/09/2017 18:20

Op don't be happy about pregnancy and don't rub your belly what a goady vile thing to do. If you done it in front of me I would have walked away to and stuck my tongue out. You horrible person.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 24/09/2017 18:21

If she was serious about wanting more children, surely she'd adjust her lifestyle to make this more realistic?

Oh fuck off. I am desperately trying to have a baby after three miscarriages this year and I went out and got pretty drunk on Thursday night. I'm sorry that not everyone is as perfect as you, but you don't get to judge whether or not people 'really' want babies.

Alltheprettydoggies · 24/09/2017 18:27

I also just want to say this...there is no "subconsciously" rubbing your "belly"
No
If you're newly pregnant, you don't have a bump to rub
And honestly, it just comes off as smug

It is my least favorite pregnant woman trait, (I recognize not all do this, I really do) congrats...biology happened.

You don't like her, she doesn't like you and also, maybe put some of that judgement on your brother, the child is his too, yet he's out all the time as well

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 24/09/2017 18:28

I'm not sure if the smoking things come into it.
There's a women by me Who smokes like a trooper, and She only has to look in the direction of a dick and she's pregnant.

Happyemoji · 24/09/2017 18:33

It's the pop's second pregnancy so there would be a little bump. See as her first db would have stretched her. I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancys and loved rubbing my belly.

DavetheCat2001 · 24/09/2017 18:34

You sound really twatty OP.

You're pregnant..well done. You're coming across as smug and judgmental. You have no idea what your SiL has been going through and feeling.

Last thing she needs is you rubbing your belly in her face literally.

FFS get a grip.

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