Ignoring pregnancy- rude?

[MamaOfTwos]

So I'm pg with DC2, after a very traumatic and difficult time with DC1, who is the most happy, chilled baby going. It's a surprise pregnancy but a very happy one, we always wanted a small age gap. We've only told very close family due to previous losses. Recently spoke to SIL & told her, her and DB have been trying for a while for DC2 but she smokes, drinks and is out all the time whilst her DC1 is constantly babysat. She's ignored my texts, saw her yesterday at a family BBQ and she was chatting to me fine, but threw me a cold stare and walked off when I rubbed my stomach (completely subconscious)
I've not mentioned it to anyone but DH noticed and thought she was so rude, but I know she's supposedly 'trying' for a second and we've got pregnant easily (although we've obviously not discussed this)

We're meant to be spending Xmas with them when I'll be noticeably pregnant, not to mention family birthdays and gatherings before then, WTF am I supposed to do?!

She's been vile to me before over pretty stupid things like booking to see a pantomime & who's DC would be in the better school?! She's weirdly competitive but I'm not bothered! Any idea how to handle this?

OMG a parent wants to have a social life as well as being " mum, mum, mum, mum" ad nauseam. Stop being so judgey and actually have a little bit of empathy.

I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancys and loved rubbing my belly.

Great for you. Hopefully you realised that doing it in front of women who you knew to be upset about their own fertility was horrible, though, and avoided that?

Happy Not really.
With my first I was busting out of my clothes at 12 weeks.
With my second no one could tell until I was 6 months.

Congrats? I guess?

For all you know OP she may have just suffered or still be going through a miscarriage.

You don't sound like the kindest person OP.

It's the pop's second pregnancy so there would be a little bump.

What's scientific proof of that? I didnt get a bump at all with my second. Your womb goes back after pregnancy. Your second baby isnt bigger at conception.

And if you enjoy rubbing your non existent bump in front of people you know are struggling to conceive, you are a bit of twat.

I have knew a woman who had 8 miscarriages before having her first and I was pregnant with my 3rd. She was happy and recently I have noticed she is now pregnant with her 3rd.

An old woman once told me the reason for my deafness is because my mum never eat properly while pregnant with me. I could have gotten upset and taken offence but what's the point. I am grateful for what I have got.

If you don't want to spend Christmas there then don't. Times like this can be stressful for both parties, she might be being rude because she doesn't know how to be anything else. Try not to worry about it. You are happy, enjoy your pregnancy. She will either come around or not and for now I would give her a bit of space. Try and be kind and think how you would feel in that situation if you had been trying awhile and someone else had fallen pregnant without trying, I'm not saying it's ever ok to be rude but at least try and understand where she is coming from.

MyDB and I are very close, he works nights and she goes out on the piss. I go out on occasion but not every week! I didn't realise I was doing it until DB pointed it out to me, I felt bad but she's completely ignored the fact I'm pregnant after nearly dying during birth of DC1. I'm pregnant after 3 losses myself, so hardly lacking empathy!

She genuinely seems to hate me

Well yes, you are incredibly judgemental and horrible about her, why wouldn't she? Dont kid yourself she doesn't know.

That's a huge drip feed

Please, duck out of the family events. People will probably be so relieved the smug sneery one isn't coming and they can enjoy themselves.

'she's completely ignored the fact I'm pregnant after nearly dying during birth of DC1.'

What do you want from her, a medal?

Honestly OP

Reading your posts puts me in mind of when my kids were little and they fell out with each other.

When asked what happened, I'd get the 'It was all his fault version', from both of them.

Read your posts back. You're doing exactly the same thing by the sound of it - making yourself out to be an innocent angel and putting everything down to your SIL.

I'm not buying it. There are two sides to this story and sadly we can't hear the other one.

Its odd because people often pick up on the fact that people privately judge them. Its a vibe.

This

also can't stand it when pregnant people rub their bellys

Op i am sorry you had a difficult 1st birth.

But what does that have to do with wether she congratulates you on your second.

I would assume these miscarriages were before you first child. Because if this is your 4th pregnancy since, its not really a surprise is it?

Given that you have had 3 mc surely you can extend some sympathy to her.

As for your dbro pointing out that she goes out. If he isnt happy with it then thats between them. Its a shitty thing to point out and have a problem with your wife socialising once a week.

He goes out too, you said. Why is it ok for him?

Oh dear, there really are some bitter, unpleasant replies in here. I had a close friend ignore my first pregnancy. I knew her and her husband were ttc, I didn't make anything of being pregnant but honestly the fact she never mentioned it hurt like hell as did the fact she wouldn't even look at my new baby.
OP has been fortunate enough to conceive easily, it shouldn't be a stick to beat her with, it's good luck.

Nicae a close friend is completely different to someone who's married your brother, and who it's quite clear the OP doesn't like.

'OP has been fortunate enough to conceive easily, it shouldn't be a stick to beat her with, it's good luck.'

No one is. The OP's expecting praise for having become pregnant, a lot of people think that's childish and ridiculous, especially to expect it from someone she clearly despises and sneers at.

Having suffered infertility for years (thankfully we finally got there), I can tell you it is absolutely heartbreaking seeing other bumps. And I can't stand tummy rubbers!

Erm you clearly don't
Like her and she can probably tell

And women who drink and smoke often get pregnant !

Try to look at yourself first here I think

You're the one that sounds competitive OP, and really unpleasant, I'd probably hate you too if you were my SIL acting like little miss perfect and judging my life choices.

There's also a difference between snubbing a person and snubbing their pregnancy, SIL probably finds it extremely painful if she is TTC with no success, or just isn't interested in pregnancy, I find it one of the most dull topics of conversation tbh.

Also how can you 'subconsciously rub your belly'? Surely to remember doing it you must have been aware that you were doing it?

It's not even that OP is expecting praise but that she is expecting it from someone she doesn't like, obviously judges and goes out of her way to upset. You can't seriously have such contempt for someone and then get upset when they react to it. She did the least confrontational thing by walking away from your deliberate goading. What more do you want from the woman? Do you really need to "win" by having her pretend to be happy for someone who doesn't like her?

It does sound like she has a problem with you, but not one she's prepared to deal with or put to one side for the sake of the family. You sound like you don't think highly of her either and it may well have come across, even if you've been trying to be friendly to her face. I don't think there's anything you can do to fix the situation since you can't change her. You could try sorting out your own attitude, but that won't magically make her grown-up things.

Alternative plans for Christmas sound like a good idea. Maybe find something you can do with your DB that won't involve other family if you want to spend more time with him and/or make your communication mainly through calls/messaging etc. rather than face-to-face so you aren't rubbing your SIL up the wrong way and vice-versa.