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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider reporting this family for having lied to the school?

818 replies

mnbvcx445566 · 23/09/2017 22:12

Two parents and one child. They live nowhere near the primary state school they applied for and got into. I think - am pretty sure - they used a different address to the one they live at.
School very sought after. Shall I report them?

I've looked carefully into myself and this is what I think:

1- I am not jealous. If I had the chance to do the same I would not. I would like my child to go to a great state school so they are lucky for that but I would not play the way they did.

2- If I report them the child will have problems at school (? don't quite know what happens in those cases). The parents might have a breakdown or something having to face the backlash. Obviously they have brains and made their choice and would only pay the consequences of their actions but - I - would have precipitated the situation by reporting them. Maybe the system is so fucked anyway that what they did is not that big of a deal. Surely the school should have done 1000 checks before awarding places so there might be something I do not know. What I do know is that they live miles from that school, which has a very very small catchment area.

3- I should report them because if my child did not get into that school 'legally' I would despise people who took advantage of a loophole and took 'my child's place'.

WWYD?

I am a long-time poster/user but I have opened a different account as I do not want to be recognised. (If I do not want to face them and tell them that they are committing an illegal/immoral action does it mean that I am in the wrong thinking of calling the school anonymously?)

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 25/09/2017 08:06

You really have no idea Bluntness what a huge impact this can have on another family.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 08:07

And honest blunt

I don't believe for a second you would seriously drag your entire family on a bus four times a day across town in all weathers for some complete strangers kid.

Waving cheerfully at the smiling child as you zoom.past them on the way to the bus stop...

Like hell you would don't pretend you'd graciously hand over your kids school place in some kind of bid to appear morally superior

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 25/09/2017 08:08

It's not just child 31 that's affected is it? Given school admissions works in a cascade then the waiting list of the schools that child is at and possibly of a number of other schools are also affected.

And if the child of the parents who lied has a younger sibling who would get sibling priority, that's a whole other reception intake affected.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2017 08:15

I didnt say I would wave cheerily or that it was a little fib, how bizzare. I said quite clearly I would have sympathy for the impacted kid and empathy for the kid who was there when they shouldn't be and as such I would not be reporting them.

If it was my kid, yes of course I would report, we all do the best for our own kids, but I certainly would not involve myself in someone else's business when it had no impact on me and I had no understanding at all if the kid was even there wrongfully. I couldn't stand there and watch a child lose their place as a direct consequence of me reporting.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 25/09/2017 08:18

So are you going to report them OP? There's been lots of views given.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 08:18

Bit they didn't lose it because of you. They should never have had it to begin with.

And indirectly it could affect your child. Your kids class ends up bigger as they accommodate a sibling too when the correct child gets admitted.

Or your kid loses their best friend because they have to leave schools as parents can't be in two places at once.

Or yoir kid ends up at some shithole secondary as they 're use the same address for those applications as well.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 08:20

And if you'd report it if it did affect your child but not for someone else's then frankly that's worse. Cos your only in it for yourself too.

Theycalledmethewildrose · 25/09/2017 08:22

The OP is only in it for herself too to grind some axe she has with the patents of the child involved. Don't kid yourself otherwise!

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 08:28

I'm not kidding mysrlf.

But some posters are making themselves out to he somehow better as they apparently care so much about the other child they would turn a blind eye.

But they are just as bad as the person they are trying to appear superior too.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2017 08:29

Cos your only in it for yourself too

Yeah because the ops only doing it out the goodness of her heart and a strong sense of moral superiority. Don't kid yourself, she knows nothing more than they don't live within catchment, they could be there perfectly legitamitly, she's doing it for a reason that she's not wishing to articulate on here but you can bet it's because she's got some axe to grind with the family.

MsPassepartout · 25/09/2017 08:29

I couldn't stand there and watch a child lose their place as a direct consequence of me reporting.

But if you're aware of a fraudulent application, you're happy to have another child lose their rightful place as a direct consequence of you not reporting? Or is that okay because it's a child you've never met losing out?

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 08:29

There are lots of reasons people commit fraud. Many reasons as a human being we could probably understand.

But end of the day it affects everyone negatively and for that reasons we should report suspicions as ultimately directly or indirectly every one pays for it somehow

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 25/09/2017 08:32

I'm bet you're glad you posted in AIBU, OP.

MsPassepartout · 25/09/2017 08:33

And the OP may well have less than noble motives for reporting.

But that doesn't make reporting her suspicions of fraud wrong.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 08:48

Either you morally feel obligated to report these things or you don't

This middle ground where you only report of it affects you is just nonsense.

A crime is no less a crime just because you aren't affected

Luckymummy22 · 25/09/2017 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2017 09:10

But if you're aware of a fraudulent application, you're happy to have another child lose their rightful place as a direct consequence of you not reporting

But she doesn't know does she? She has no bloody clue. All she knows is they don't live in the catchment area. Plenty of kids don't live in the catchment area for their schools and legitimately so, it could be anything from they moved after the application to they are adopted, or even the la allocated them a place there. She has absolutely nothing to indicate it's fraudulent at all.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 09:16

Then there's no problem is there.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2017 09:16

I will do my best for my kids no matter what but no way would I lie and cheat my way through life to get an unfair advantage for my kids

And neither would I, but that's not remotely the same as getting your face all up in a someone else's business because you have some form of axe to grind on them, using stretched local authority resources to undertake what could be a pointless investigation and putting a family who may already be under stress under more stress for no reason other than you're a nasty busy body.

Me? I'll teach my kids kindness and empathy and to give people the benefit of the doubt. It would never ever even occur to me someone out with catchment was there because they lied, I'd assume they were there legitimately for one of the very many reasons you can live outside catchment and have a place.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 09:17

But you can't tell me taht you wouldn't beat least a little surprised if a school witg a small catchment area admitted someome much further away if you knew they werent adopted and had no siblings or sn

That would surprise anyone I think

XJerseyGirlX · 25/09/2017 09:19

My DD doesn't go to our catchment school, she goes to the school that's nearest to her old nursery. She had made lots of friends there and its a better school. The council told me if there were any places left in the requested school then it would be fine.

OP, you sound like you need to keep your nose out, could be a number of reasons.

Wontbedoingthatanytimesoon · 25/09/2017 09:23

OMG

'looked at the map of the catchment area. I am serious: there are 20 horizontal streets and 5 vertical street. If you walked the horizontal roads it would take 20 minutes at the most to walk from one side to the other of the catchment area. This is a really sought after school, no way they had to go 3 miles away from it to find people to fill up spaces.'

I think you should focus your attention on something that will affect you directly... this is a bit sad.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 09:24

And assume they were there legitimately for one of the very many reasons you can live outside catchment and have a place

Those reasons are usually

LAC
SEN
SIBLINGS
CHURCH

op has said none of these apply.

Which leaves
Medical reasons - which la will know about

Fraud- won't know til reported

Distance- it's a sought after oversubscribed school .

Caketroubles · 25/09/2017 09:29

I think you should focus your attention on something that will affect you directly... this is a bit sad.

No this is not sad. You lot are being downright ignorant. This country has laws and we should be grateful for whatever laws are followed here because you haven't seen what happens around the world where law is trashed on daily basis.
As someone who spent ages on school runs due to logistics and knows parents who would give an arm and a leg to send their child to nearest school, I must say you are being insensitive.
Are all these people supposedly defending a potential fraud also guilty of pulling these tactics themselves?
If there is anything sad round here today, it is this thread. Hmm

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/09/2017 09:32

There's also no way of being certain it so t affect you.

The results of a fraudulent application could span put for miles and miles for years