Ridiculous ‘in jokes’ that you no longer know the provenance of.

[CredulousThickos]

Have just sat down to watch tv with DH. Mock the Week is on. So we’ve both gone, ooh muuuurch the weeeerk and then sang over the theme tune by singing ‘newsoftheworld newsoftheworld newsoftheworld’ over all the actual lyrics.

We must have been doing this for about ten years now and I’ve no idea why.

We also pluralise/apostrophise and butcher celebrity names (Kylie’s Minogue, Liza Starbucks etc) and try to make a long chain of celebrity tenuous and fictional links, like Bruno Mars is Freddie Mercury’s nephew, who in turn is Freddie Krueger’s brother, who is married to Diane Kruger...

Tell me your frankly insane couple or family ramblings to make us feel a bit normaler!

Language, Timothy!

I didn't get where I am today without ..........

Not a bad old day, really (Siadwell, Not the 9 o'clock News)

It's a tidy sum (The good, the bad and the ugly. We have a LOT of references from
this )

If someone says 'Fair Enough' the reply is 'Fairy Dave, fairy on top of the Christmas tree'

No-one knows why let alone who Dave might have been

Me and my DP have so many wierd ones that we only joke about in the house.

Go go power rangers! Heros in a half shell...that likes pizza. I know they're two comprely different programmes, I can't remember where it came from.

Who throws a shoe? (Austin Powers)

If one of us farts we say " Tesco must be outside delivering" or " there's a mouse in here!"

Several quotes from Wayne's World 1&2 - CAR!......GAME ON!!! ....Ass-Sphincter says what?.... I had to beat them to death with my own shoes....Why do they come to me to die?

Also Smell my cheese you Mother! (when the supermarkets have those huge feck-off bits of Xmas Stilton)

husband used to sign letters angels on your pillow
once he misspelled to> angles on your pillow/ and has been so ever since

I said "language Timothy"! To one of the boys at school when he swore near me.

He replied with " miss, my name's not Timothy "........!!!

We say coffee as KWOFFEE. With a fake "New Yoik" accent.

Decaffeinated coffee is just "decaffcoff"

Not sure why we say buns for bananas.

We also have no idea why there is an imaginary Gary I. Our lives who we tell on each other to eg DH you didn't do the washing up. I'm telling Gary."

We're an odd bunch

Fuckoffee
Boutros has certainly made a mark on us MNers!

Pigs in blankets are always called 'Snuggly pigs' by all of us in our family.

This is because when I had my two youngest shopping with me on Christmas eve, I gave them both a couple of things to remember to get. DD, who must have been just about 4, said 'Don't forget the snuggly pigs', as that was one of the items on her list!

We have loads of these.

Earlier this evening one came up - it goes back to when I was a child and my parents said it, but we have an open fire and whenever more wood needs putting on we say 'throw another plate on the fire Demosthenes'.

When told how much something is, no matter how much it is, we shriek in a fake lady voice 'A THOUSAND POUNDS? I won't pay it, a thousand pounds'. (That's from Sorry I've got no Head)

We call a telephone a 'hellone' because that's what I called it as a toddler. Milk is 'iggle-giggle' or just 'iggle' because my daughter called a drink of milk igglegiggle when she was a baby (she's now 18).

We also do You Fuckoffee or You Fartee? When enquiring about choices of hot beverage. That one comes from my DH's family.

If DP or me is getting a drink for the other, we either say 'would you like squash?' or 'would you like squish?'

The reply then has to be the other one, so we say 'no, I want squish' or 'no its squash I want!' as over exaggerated as you can!

whenever someone says "All of a sudden...." I feel compelled to finish it with a daft rhyme that continues as: "A dirty great puddin, came flying through the air. It missed my brother and hit my mother, And knocked her off her chair

My family has also always said this - with the slight difference of
"A bloody great puddin, came flying through the air.
It missed me ma and hit me pa,
And knocked him off his chair."

Where does it come from...??

We also use Reginald Molehusband for shit parking.

The remote is the tit, because my old housemate's gran used to call it that.

Favourite old Coronation St line from Ivy Tilsey - 'There's more to life than being happy, Don' gets rolled out every so often

About 75% of our conversations are based on quoting Bottom/Blackadder/The Goons etc. We are very unimaginative.

My late FIL was the best, though - he would make random exclamations such as 'Ah-ha, she said, as she waved her wooden leg'. Miss those.

Me and OH have watched 'peep show' on repeat a lot.
There's a line in it that has no significance yet we always refer back
So if anyone mentions crack (literally like table crack, bum crack, crack it open etc)
One of us or both will go 'don't say crack jez!'
I can't see it ever ending

We drink Earl Grey but have normal tea ( English breakfast) available for guests and we call it Normality.... I know it's really not that funny but we seem to find it hilarious!

Me, my mum and my sister use the words minge, fanny and 'jina (as in vaj...) a lot

No idea why but me and my sister have been calling each other fanny for over a decade now (we have very normal names). We sign off texts / emails & birthday cards 'To fanny, happy birthday, love fanny'. We recently started using variations on fanny - fanjita, fanjolina any other suggesting greatly appreciated

When my sister telephones, the kids will answer the phone & hand over to me saying "it's Aunt fanny".

"See you in a minge" is another one commonly used e.g. When I'm out shopping with mum in m&s and we're going to look at different areas of the shop. Goodness knows what other shoppers think.

We call each other beans instead of babe. I have no idea why.

Also DD1 couldn't pronounce the cat's name when she first started speaking so now the cat has a different name. The vets text me about her flea stuff and I was initially confused because we've been using the "joke" name so long I forgot the original.

Anything ending in ITE is rhymed with bag o shite.
Eg in the car 'is everyone in the back alright?, is every one in the back a bag o shite?'

@Bringmewineandcake we have a nappy changing song to the tune of gold finger - I'm a bit sad nursery won't be using it it's probably too rude!

I forgot another one.

If anyone asks "what's for dinner" the answer is always "a slice of soup"

If we're going somewhere and DH has to wait for me he shouts 'Hurry up Maureen' - my name is not Maureen.
He used to say 'let's go Marine' when we were about to go somewhere and a friend asked me why he was calling me Maureen so now he does.

If anyone asks "have you got the key" the response must be "if got the secret"

If a sentence ends or starts with "surely" then the other responds "don't call me Shirley"

Both of the above I know the origin of, but this one I have no idea, if we see a field of sheep one of us says "shitloads of sheep" in a bay voice with a lisp.......no idea why!