Ridiculous ‘in jokes’ that you no longer know the provenance of.

[CredulousThickos]

Have just sat down to watch tv with DH. Mock the Week is on. So we’ve both gone, ooh muuuurch the weeeerk and then sang over the theme tune by singing ‘newsoftheworld newsoftheworld newsoftheworld’ over all the actual lyrics.

We must have been doing this for about ten years now and I’ve no idea why.

We also pluralise/apostrophise and butcher celebrity names (Kylie’s Minogue, Liza Starbucks etc) and try to make a long chain of celebrity tenuous and fictional links, like Bruno Mars is Freddie Mercury’s nephew, who in turn is Freddie Krueger’s brother, who is married to Diane Kruger...

Tell me your frankly insane couple or family ramblings to make us feel a bit normaler!

'Ready when you are Sergeant Pembury' whenever we're going out somewhere together. It's a line from Silence of the Lambs, just before Hannibal Lecter kills the policemen in the cage.

Oh I have several naughty versions of songs. Never when DS(11) is around though

One of my favourites is a bit niche, but it makes me smile.

My late ex-SIL had profound physical and learning disabilities. She was a proper character, and had a repertoire of withering put-downs that she mainly used on her mother, one of which was 'busty jamas'

So now, if someone appears to be getting on their high horse, DS2 in particular will say, 'Alright, calm down, busty jamas.'

Always defuses any situation.

TV related ones include,

"Access to Diiiiiiixons' from Alan Partridge.
"Small and far away" from Father Ted.
"I'm leg (or head, or nose, or whatever) disabled" from The IT Crowd.

Oh god I'm glad we are not the only odd family! We have so many of these.
My oh has quite a few friends called Simon. Whenever we talk about them one of us always has to say "shamon motherfucker".

We call butter Butros Butros Ghali. Butros for short. No idea why.

Whenever we see balls of food (meat balls, chocolates, profiteroles type of thing) we will both whisper in turn "balls" over and over until one of us whispers testicles. We love buffets at weddings! We didn't used to whisper but we were overheard once. They thought we were very odd in a sort of "you really need to grow up" way, so now we whisper. Being surreptitious makes it even funnier.

There's poppets in the cupboard....

There's gloves in the square compartment, no, lies, not even square

There must be something wrong with me - I am properly laughing at this thread. I have even had to dab my eyes with a tissue. It was the dog with the gruff voice and the 'wink-wonk' that set me off and now I can't stop.

Mine are mostly food related.

Spaghetti bolognaise is 'bollocknaise'

Was at a restaurant and my sister (who was about 24 at the time) asked for chicken skewers, but without the skewers as she don't like spicy things(she thought they were a type of pepper) so now peppers are skewers.

When dd was first talking, when she wanted something to eat she would say 'nice' (probably because we'd always asked 'is that nice?' When feeding her) so now when anyone's hungry we just say 'nice' in a baby voice.

We also eat bollocknaise in out house, loki No idea where it came from, do you know?

DH and I have a private joke about strawberry blondes ever since one night very early in our relationship. We were shagging with the radio on in the back ground and the DJ started talking to some guy who said he was "not a red head, more a blonde, a strawberry blonde". I have no idea why it was so funny but we both started giggling and ended up having to stop at we were laughing so much. Now if anyone mentions redheads we say "isn't he more of a strawberry blonde?" before cackling and smirking at each other. It's been 20 years and it is still funny

God yes, food related ones.

Spaghetti bolognaise is 'Spaghetti Bollock-nose'.

If one of us is feeling a bit off, we'll say, "I'll just have a bit of bacon...and an egg...and a bit o'black puddin'...some beans...and a few chips...and a sausage..." because that's what my dad does if he feels ill - he ends up building up a massive tea for himself.

This thread is ace. Just remembered a couple more thanks to posts above. When DD was tiny we used to leer and say "It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!" whenever she needed Aveeno cream after her bath. That one had to be phased out for fear she would repeat it in public so is only whispered now she's 6.

The other we still use (that she can and does repeat) is a line and a blowing gesture from The Usual Suspects: "And just like that...he was gone!" which is handy for anything from a finished meal to a departing guest

I think it was mine and my sisters way of sneakily swearing

Oh, if anyone mentions Aloe Vera we go all Cockney...

" 'allo Vera!"

We also have lots of in-jokes related to our dogs.

One of our labradoodles is the most laid-back character on the planet. We have him as The Dude out of The Big Lebowski, and give him a proper stoner voice. He's very slow on the uptake, and occasionally falls over while being groomed etc as he's so relaxed. We have a lot of fun with him

The Boston terrier on the other hand, is a fucking maniac. We have a joke that when she is barking at something (a toad, the cat, a passing cloud), she is in fact shouting "Twat! Twat! Twat!"

The other labradoodle is the elder statesman, with a deep Yorkshire accent.

They're coming thick and fast now.

We do that Peter Kay surreptitiously sticking two fingers up at each other thing, and sometimes ask things like "Are you for coffee?" with a sneaky 'Fuck Off' in the middle of it.

We do love each other, honest!

"Good parking Reginald" whenever anyone fits the car in a tight spot. Anyone? there used to be a parking advert thing with reginald molehusband think its from that.

mum w also do peter kay alot

wanna drink wana brew?! or a cake of cheese!

"Cheese cake? A cake of cheese? Dirty bastards..."

We also have a 'can of Can't' instead of coke.

Foraging

In our family it's 'all of a sudden, a lump of black pudding came rolling down the stairs'. A great deal of giggling was under investigation by my grandfather one night - at the foot of the stairs was a black pudding. Before he could say anything, two small voices began with 'all of a sudden...

But the saying came first, no idea where from!

I sing the following song, & have done for years, first to my dw & now to both my dc who also sing along🤣

Oompa loompa dippidy dee, my name is Paul McCartney
Oompa loompa dippin dangle dongle, if you are wise you will listen to my songle
What do you get if you hit an oompa loompa?
25 years in an oompa loompa gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooaaaawwwwwwwwawwwwooooooooooool!🤣🤣

Also, I say to dd, do you know the words to Coronation Street theme song?
Then to the tune I sing, Cor-or-onation Street etc haha

Also, years ago I said to dw, re Evan Davies (Newsnight & Dragons Den) did you know he is blind? Initially I actually thought he was🤣 but when we found out he wasn't oh how we laughed! Now whenever he is on, no matter what, one of us will say, do you know he is blind?🤣🤣

Silly songs are my forte.

Teas and coffees? Cheese and toffees? And various other Cabin Pressure references - particularly 'only Father Christmas cares what you want' in response to any sentence starting with 'I want'

"It's shiny, it excites" alongside stroking anything shiny - I think this is Harry Hill, possibly.

Lots of Muppets Swedish chef comments when cooking.

Also say "up your bum" - or "it's behind you" if asked where something is.

A pou-unnnd! (referring to £1) DD was distressed when she lost her 1st tooth, DH asked her what the tooth fairy brought and she wailed a pou-unnd!!!!