Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

posted for traffic...can I refuse a SS meeting?

431 replies

ssquestion · 22/09/2017 09:11

The circumstances are quite sensitive and identifying so this may be a bit vague.

I've been contacted by SS who want a meeting with me about my DC (over 16 but under 18).

My view is DC are over 16, not at school, not children and therefore don't need child protection. They are suggesting a meeting with me and then me and DC.

Can I refuse? Apart from anything else, I have no annual leave left til Xmas, so if I did meet them I'd be losing a days pay, which isn't great.

OP posts:
mogulfield · 22/09/2017 10:17

I have just left the armed forces, I can assure you all police matters involving under 18s warrant contact with the parents.
Under 18s ARE NOT allowed to fight for this country, no U18 is according to the UN. They would be considered child soldiers.
If they join at 16 a lot go here...
www.army.mod.uk/training_education/24420.aspx

WellThisIsShit · 22/09/2017 10:22

Ss do not need parental permission to interview your children. You cannot protect your dc from social services contact.

The only thing you could try and do is be so open and helpful in their interview with you that they close the case without feeling they need to pursue it further. But if you don't play ball with them they're likely to decide there is something to investigate if you try to 'cover it up'.

It's not fair, if you're a parent who has done nothing wrong. However they start with the perspective that parents are likely not innocent. You can see why, in cases of awful abuse, but it's bloody horrible if you're the parent who has to just 'comply' in order to be deemed not a risk to your own child.

They can arrive without any prior warning to the dc's place of education to interview them there. In fact if they're investigating potential abuse this is their process, they don't want to interview children in their homes, even if the abuse isnt by a family member. They also don't like to give the parents any warning that this will happen. You may get a courtesy call if they decide to.

This is from my recent experience with social services by the way. I reported a horrible incident involving a non-family member assaulting my poor little boy. I did everything right and yet found myself having to jump through multiple hoops while they investigated me (as any report triggers a family investigation no matter the circumstances). Sadly they didn't pay the same attention to investigating the man who sexually abused my son. He's free and back working with children.

My advice is that you have to comply with whatever they want you to do. It's the only way to get through it. Process leads everything these days and I'm not sure it leads to more children being helped.

CotswoldStrife · 22/09/2017 10:23

OP a quick phone call to SS will arrange a meeting and sort this out. The longer you put it off the bigger you are making it in your mind (and increasing the list of excuses that you are using - they want to speak to you not your friend from school run, etc) so just speak to them today and it will start moving forward.

If you think how busy SS are, it must be something important for them to want to see you.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/09/2017 10:24

There is a reason why they are wanting to have a meeting - they're not doing it for no reason or without any purpose. I'm sorry but your lack of willingness to find out what is going on, and your insistence that your DC under the age of 18 don't need protection is a red flag for me.

RestlessTraveller · 22/09/2017 10:30

Hi, I'm a SW, I understand things like this can be distressing and I hope you're not too anxious about it.

Your children are still children in the eyes of SS and the law until they are 18. If they didn't live at home they would assigned a social worker from the young people's service instead.

I'm going to be completely honest with you here. If you refused a meeting I would think you were hiding something and you just need to look at all of the recent media stories about social workers to understand why this will not just make it all go away.

You can ask for a meeting after 5pm and any social worker I know would arrange to meet with you then, however if the social worker's hours are 9-5 and they a bit of a stickler then you may end up meeting with someone not assigned to your children's case.

It is true that a social worker does not need your permission to speak to your children and can make an appointment to see them in school/college without your knowledge, if your children truly don't know about SS involvement then it may be pertinent to tell them.

I hope this helps.

cricketballs · 22/09/2017 10:30

We have recently had to have contact with SS; they were more than happy to meet after I finished work

Justonemorepleasethen · 22/09/2017 10:32

Another social worker here, if you refuse you will raise suspicion and look like you have something to hide

Dancingfairy · 22/09/2017 10:33

Hold on good point, ss don't need your permission to talk to your kids! Ss went to my kids school and spoke to them without me and they are primary school kids. How comes ss haven't contacted your children themselves?

BellaNoche · 22/09/2017 10:33

If you have a nonce as a family member ( which seems to be likely here) then why not co operate?

OnTheRise · 22/09/2017 10:33

I don't understand why you don't want your children to know that a family member has a CPO against them. Surely it would help protect your children from abuse by that family member if they knew, and knew to take certain precautions around them? (OR to not be around them at all.) Secrets often allow bad things to happen.

I also don't understand why you're so reluctant to engage with social services. They're not going to take your children away from you, they're not going to drag you to court: why not meet with them, with your children (who are old enough to know and understand what's happening) and engage with them? It might help.

Original poster
ssquestion · 22/09/2017 10:37

A cpo is a community punishment order. What used to be community service. No reason my DC need to know family member has to spend 50 hours litter picking or whatever.

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 22/09/2017 10:39

The quicker you get on with it the quicker it's over.

SpiritedLondon · 22/09/2017 10:41

racmactac what a shit attitude.

Social workers work to a couple of thresholds....it doesn't sound like they're working to the higher "significant harm" threshold which means they are relying more on your co-operation. I imagine they just want to meet to reassure themselves that your children ( they are under 18) are in a safe environment and you are a protective influence. If you refuse to engage with then they will have no way of assessing either of those things. The social workers I have known have done visits and meetings in the evening if this makes it easier.

Original poster
ssquestion · 22/09/2017 10:44

I don't really get the point of the meeting or who it's meant to help.

Family member has been investigated, been to court, been sentenced ie the CPO. None of that process involved us.

I have asked what this is to discuss. They have simply said it relates to family member. It feels nosy, I am a private person and outside intrusion makes me uncomfortable.

I am a very private person.

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 22/09/2017 10:44

I totally get your reluctance.
You can refuse a meeting. SS can't make you attend.

Its much better to attend and get it out of the way. Once SS have a statutory obligation to do something they will keep on until the paper work is completed.
Its hard to tell you what will happen with the little information you can give us but the chances are it won't go any further.
Unless someone very serious has happened.

Original poster
ssquestion · 22/09/2017 10:46

Sorry didn't mean to say the private person bit twice. Feel I've over emphasised my point!

OP posts:
tiggytape · 22/09/2017 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2017 10:50

What's being a private person got to do with it? Social services will have all the details. There is a reason they want to meet. Whatever your family member has done they wish to ensure the children, and yes they are children, are safe and protected. If you refuse they may well think you're hiding something, which is how your posts are actually starting to come across.

Is there a more sinister reason you don't want to meet them? Have your kids been impacted? Is that why you're worried about a rabbit hole?

Alanna1 · 22/09/2017 10:52

Why would you refuse? I'd accept but ask for an evening meeting and explain that you are completely out of holiday and would lose a day's pay which you can't afford....

Justonemorepleasethen · 22/09/2017 10:53

It sounds like there is information that you are not aware of, that obviously is relevant to your child, hence the request to meet.

You would be mad not to attend

Original poster
ssquestion · 22/09/2017 12:19

I really don't think there is information I'm not aware of.

OP posts:
Original poster
ssquestion · 22/09/2017 12:21

That said, I am going to take the advice of the organisation posted upthread and subject to their advice, look to arrange a meeting with SS at a time and place convenient to me.

OP posts:
OnTheRise · 22/09/2017 14:35

A CPO is also a child protection order, which might explain why social services is keen to speak to you and your child.

innagazing · 22/09/2017 15:11

It may not be connected to the family member that you think it is. It may be an entirely different matter.
You need to meet with them or red flags will be raised- could you not meet with ss during your lunch break?

RidingWindhorses · 22/09/2017 15:15

Afaik there's no such thing as a 'community punishment order' - it's just 'community order'. There used to be - but it was changed around 2010 to 'youth rehabilitation order'.

'Child protection order' doesn't fit either because that is applied to a child to protect them from abuse/dv etc.

Swipe left for the next trending thread