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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that MIL 'ruined' DS's birthday party and has not apologised?

66 replies

spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 19:45

First time poster on AIBU thread, so I may waffle/bore. I feel terribly trivial BUT...DS's 13th birthday. He requested a small family gathering with his dearly loved GPs and siblings/cousins. I went to a great deal of trouble with masses of home cooked food, as did DM. Work full time and although have a (D?)P, do all the chores with several kids living at home. Anyway, P's M (I call her MIL) arrived with her miserable git husband and friend who was driving her (she almost always drives miserable git about so she was feeling free and easy, bless her). Proceeds to neck 2 large glasses of wine at speed and half an hour later is vomitting copiously onto outside furniture, decking, later into a receptacle, then all night onto small daughters bunk bed - she had to stay the night as too incapacitated to be a passenger in a car. This has happened twice before. I drink rather a lot and have boisterous parties, so try not to judge decadent behaviour BUT - had gone to a great deal of trouble, and was very worried that newly teenage son would be upset as all the attention revolved around her (he didn't seem to mind) and that the other kids would find it disturbing. I was concerned that she had puked on my little girl's bed (she and middle son slept with me fidgetty). The other adult guests were caught up in looking after her, while I entertained the kids and served food, and waited on the misogynistic miserable git. Also - surely if you are someone who is a puker when drunk, you would've learnt your lesson by 70? My biggest bit of resentment is that...she hasn't bloody apologised! I would instantly send an apology (and be mortified) if I thought I may have been slightly out of line due to excessive indulgence in the grape. She is not a kindred spirit and often criticises me in every way, including how much I drink, so I may be being overly critical

OP posts:
NancyDonahue · 21/09/2017 20:13

Hideous. Not a great example to set to her grandchildren. Your partner needs to speak with her. I would expect a grovelling apology, or I would seriously think about not having her over again and just meeting on neutral territory in future.

endofthelinefinally · 21/09/2017 20:15

She sounds awful.
I couldnt forgive that.
Where is your partner in all of this?

Original poster
spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 20:19

He was manning the bar-b-q. Full time job apparently. His sister dealt with the majority of the fallout (she caught a projectile vomit in a plastic receptacle that I frantically rummaged for), as well as my mother. He smugly declared that he barely had anything to drink because he was 'so busy' grilling 4 burgers and some prawns. He HATES when women drink. No resentment and bitterness oozing through in this post AT ALL

OP posts:
ScarletForYa · 21/09/2017 20:23

She was vomiting onto furniture and decking after 2 glasses of wine??!!

At a child's party!!

That's fucking gross, I'd be furious. I'd also be suspicious that she was already pissed when she arrived at the party.

It seems a bit unlikely to vomit after just two glasses of wine.

Also I wouldn't have given her a bed, never mind a child's bed. I'd have given her the couch covered in towels and a bucket.

Mulch · 21/09/2017 20:28

Could it be shes so deeply ashamed shes not ready to approach?

MegMortimer · 21/09/2017 20:32

Sounds like she is an alcoholic and I suspect that she had been drinking before she ever arrived at the party. If I were you I wouldn't expect anything different from her whenever you meet her.

MegMortimer · 21/09/2017 20:32

ah scarlet already covered my points

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 21/09/2017 20:34

At least you have a fabulous excuse to avoid them the entire festive season.
Every cloud. .

SisterhoodisPowerful · 21/09/2017 20:36

I wouldn't allow her back into my house with this behaviour. She needs to apologise to your DS and take responsibility for her behaviour.

Equally important, why are you doing all the housework and childcare? That's crap.

Butterymuffin · 21/09/2017 20:36

That sounds like a terrible episode of MIL behaviour and I would expect an apology. However, it's perhaps more of a concern that your partner doesn't seem that helpful and leaves you doing all the work. Can you tell the lot of them to shape up or piss off?

CoolCarrie · 21/09/2017 20:36

My mil ruined my 40th by getting pissed, staggering to the restaurant toilet and ending up on the floor! I spent most of the time looking after her and not enjoying myself. Tbf she isn't a drinker so it took very little to make her ill, and it was my idiot dh who insisted on his mum having a drink, never happened again after that.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 21/09/2017 20:38

No way could she have been that sick on 2 glasses of wine.

Original poster
spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 20:39

Mulch - that could be the case. According to her daughter she was fairly blase the following day (I asked after her welfare - you know - hangover and all that). It has only been a couple of days so I may be over reacting. She is not known for being overly diplomatic or sensitive. On our first meeting, she declared that she 'couldn't believe P and ex-GF had split as she was convinced they were made for each other' - should've run a mile then! Still got washing strewn over the house. About to put daughter to bed in freshly washed, sheets. She had a sleeping bag last night. Feel like I run a B&B sometimes

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/09/2017 20:40

She must be allergic to wine?
Surely no one reacts that violently to a few glasses? Is there an in between tipsy stage where she is relaxed and chatty or does it proceed straight to projectile vomiting after the 2 glasses? Shock

Standingcat · 21/09/2017 20:43

I would be quite worried about her if that was state after 2 glasses of wine, what medical issues does she have?

Original poster
spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 20:43

She is def not an alcoholic. She cannot tolerate booze and knows it. Twice before she has ended up with a sick bowl on her lap - much disruption and all about her. They are all a bit intolerant as a family, to everything. But especially booze. I have cleared up a lot of sick. Thing is, they all disapprove of drinking to excess - like a bosom-heaving disapproval (especially when it's women - men are 'lads')

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/09/2017 20:45

I wonder if you'd be happier without your partner and his dreadful mother.

Original poster
spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 20:46

She hadn't eaten and was on a 'night off'. I used to be like this at 15! Once - and I learned my lesson.

OP posts:
bookwormsforever · 21/09/2017 20:46

Ugh ugh ugh. Completely inappropriate. I'd refuse to host her again ever and not go anywhere if she's been drinking.

Can your dh sit her down and talk to her about it? She sounds awful.

User02 · 21/09/2017 20:47

If she was not visibly drunk on arrival I would wonder about a vomitting bug. If she was visibly drunk on arrival she should not have been given any further alcohol.

Original poster
spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 20:48

I know I would be better off. I have been trying to negotiate a friendly split for years. That's seperate. This is just an extra gripe (I love an offloading whinge)

OP posts:
Ducknose · 21/09/2017 20:48

She sounds like she was carrying on like a young'un off Geordie Shore! How disrespectful of her, I doubt she would approve of one of her grandchildren getting into such a state.
Is it at all possible she's too hungover to apologise, or too ashamed? Then again, she probably can't even remember the worst of it.
I wouldn't have her round again. If she asks why, the answer is simple- you don't want her behaviour influencing your kids.

Original poster
spangleknickers · 21/09/2017 20:50

User02 - no bug. Not drunk - she just cannot tolerate alcohol and has no limits/boundaries

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/09/2017 20:50

Two large glasses of wine and she was vomiting all night? That's fairly unusual. Are you sure she wasn't sick with something else? Normally with booze you puke it up and it's done, you are not repeatedly sick through out the evening and then the night. Something else must have been wrong with her.

SingingTunelessly · 21/09/2017 20:51

Unless the two glasses of wine were each in a full pint glass that sounds really odd to be that ill.

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