that MIL 'ruined' DS's birthday party and has not apologised?

[spangleknickers]

First time poster on AIBU thread, so I may waffle/bore. I feel terribly trivial BUT...DS's 13th birthday. He requested a small family gathering with his dearly loved GPs and siblings/cousins. I went to a great deal of trouble with masses of home cooked food, as did DM. Work full time and although have a (D?)P, do all the chores with several kids living at home. Anyway, P's M (I call her MIL) arrived with her miserable git husband and friend who was driving her (she almost always drives miserable git about so she was feeling free and easy, bless her). Proceeds to neck 2 large glasses of wine at speed and half an hour later is vomitting copiously onto outside furniture, decking, later into a receptacle, then all night onto small daughters bunk bed - she had to stay the night as too incapacitated to be a passenger in a car. This has happened twice before. I drink rather a lot and have boisterous parties, so try not to judge decadent behaviour BUT - had gone to a great deal of trouble, and was very worried that newly teenage son would be upset as all the attention revolved around her (he didn't seem to mind) and that the other kids would find it disturbing. I was concerned that she had puked on my little girl's bed (she and middle son slept with me fidgetty). The other adult guests were caught up in looking after her, while I entertained the kids and served food, and waited on the misogynistic miserable git. Also - surely if you are someone who is a puker when drunk, you would've learnt your lesson by 70? My biggest bit of resentment is that...she hasn't bloody apologised! I would instantly send an apology (and be mortified) if I thought I may have been slightly out of line due to excessive indulgence in the grape. She is not a kindred spirit and often criticises me in every way, including how much I drink, so I may be being overly critical

Just remembered once I had 2 half's of lager and was bedridden for 2 days with stomach pains and sickness.
Dr diagnosed a stomach ulcer.
Didn't drink for 2 years and only have an occasional drink now.

Also, XH is alcohol intolerant but has never learnt. 1 glass of wine turns him into a nasty fucker.

Is she on any medication?

This happened to my DM at a wedding reception. Two glasses over two hours and she just went all wobbly and started vomiting and couldn't stand, was completely out of it. It was awful - everyone was coming over to where i was holding her head so she could be sick safely and making comments about how she must be so drunk but it wasn't that at all and I was terrified!

I used to know someone who was actually allergic to alcohol - they couldn't even have sherry trifle or they would start to feel really ill, swollen eyes, difficulty breathing etc.
Very unusual but not unheard of.
It's perfectly possible your MIL has an allergic response or an intolerance to alcohol and it manifests as vomiting.

I would not assume alcoholic or reaction to Antabuse she could just as easily be on metronidazole antibiotic which results in similar effects for many people.

I doubt there's a medicine-related reason, because as OP says this has happened before. She describes her as a puker when drunk.

Though I do think OP is the only making it all about MIL. DS didn't mind, nor (though OP said she was worried about potential reactions) were the other teenage guests.

Now, cleaning up the volume of puke she describes won't have been much fun. But it does seem that MIL's predicament occupied all the adults at a family party (how many) except OP/DP who whomcontunied hosting the teens. And is that perhaps the source of resentment?

Because as you say, if she's a puker she should pace her drinking so it doesn't happen. But also, of you host someone with an alcohlol issue, you at least try to help them pace themselves. Smaller wine glasses might be useful

Thanks for all your comments. It is real. I do speak like this IRL (?) and it may be a bit flowery and possibly I exaggerated on the 'copiously' (it seemed like that when I found it soldered onto the decking next morning), but she did throw up several times after 2 large glasses. She can usually drink a few glasses over a period of time and be OK. I think the issue was that she drank these really quickly. She isn't on medication. Definitely not Antabuse or Metronidazole. My problem was that she hadn't apologised. Strangely enough, partner came home last night after I posted this on MN, looked at his phone for 15 minutes or so and said 'I think my Mum should have apologised about getting into a state at the party'. Also - defending myself a bit, I was looking after quite a few guests and can't monitor everyone's measures. Think DP may be looking on MN

It's bizarre that your mil hasn't learnt to moderate her drinking if it affects her so badly, she's not a teenager for goodness sake. Other adults shouldn't have to monitor her drinking for her.

That said, perhaps you can stock up on some very low alcohol wine or Ribena to offer her in future..?

Great that your dp agrees with you (hello Mr. Spangleknickers if you're reading). He should be the one to have that conversation with her if an apology isn't forthcoming.

So, just to recap.

Knowing what her reaction to alcohol, she necked two large glasses, reacted just as she could have predicted, spoiled a child's party by vomiting multiple times in multiple places and hasn't apologised, or helped.

Frankly, if you can't avoid inviting her, don't let her have any and remind her why if she asks.

That doesn't make much sense, sorry.

Knowing what her reaction to alcohol was/is, she necked two large glasses of wine, reacted just as she could have predicted, spoiled a child's party by vomiting multiple times in multiple placesand hasn't apologised,or helped since.

Frankly, if you can't avoid inviting her to events, appoint a bartender to look after the booze, supply plenty of soft drinks, don't let her have any alcohol and remind her why if she asks.

"No DMIL. No wine/gin/vodka for you tonight. Not after what happened last time. I was washing your puke out of the carpet for weeks. Here, try this Appletise!"

OTOH. Don't serve alcohol at children's events

Yadnbu expecting her to apologise, tbh though I'd have been equally passed off with MIL's DH and told him to get off his arse and look after his wife!

I wouldn't have cleaned it up, I would have thrown up myself if I had to. Children's vomit I can handle, but a grown adults? No way! I'd have woke her in the morning with the cleaning supplies and a bucket of water and told her to get scrubbing, if she refused I would get my partner to talk to her and if that didn't work I would be brutal and tell her how disgusting she is and if she can't handle her drink she won't be drinking in my house again! To be honest, I don't know why you even allowed her if she's done it before.. act like a child you will be treated like a child, simple.

Think if in your shoes, future birthdays will be non alcoholic through and through

If she was sick after 2 glasses of wine I'd assume she had a virus or something instead of it being anything to do with the wine.

I would be very annoyed if visitors went into the bedrooms in my house without being asked. DS2 once had a friend round for tea who wandered into my room while I was getting changed to ask me something. I had no idea some people consider this normal. But I mainly meet my friends somewhere else (not because I'm fussy about the bedrooms, it's just that we tend to do outdoorsy things together) so it's not enough of a problem that I've ever felt the need to make an actual rule about it.

Do people not read that the MIL has done this before? Therefore it was not a bug etc she just cannot handle alcohol but stupidly chooses to drink it.