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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my dog down...

149 replies

Kittysparks1 · 21/09/2017 11:20

I'm so sorry about this long post.
I have a dog who has been my best mate for 12 years. I got her at 2 years old after she was abandoned and she had not been trained in the slightest.
Everything has been fine.
About 2 years ago she suddenly started being destructive for no reason I could find. I was living at my mums at the time. She ripped up carpets, ate door frames, chewed up a whole waldrobe and coffee table. Serious destructive behaviour. I tried everything. My vet ran out of options. My mum lost it and kicked us out once her house had been destroyed.
I moved into a rented house. She had a few blips but settled down.
6 weeks ago she has switched. She has destroyed everything in this house and the landlord is selling up and I need to move out. So far I have spent soooo much money repairing things. She even ate a fucking wall.
Now this is the problem. I have not left my house for 5 weeks straight out of fear of her destroying things. Even if I pop to the shop I can guarantee to come back to carnage. She ate the back door last time I dared to leave the house.
I'm going stir crazy. I sit in doors with my baby day in day out. It's seriously affecting my mental health. I just want to go for a walk with him but when I tried to take dog out with the Pram she almost pulled it over going for another dog. I sit here all day crying looking out the window just wishing I could go outside.
I'm convinced the dog has slowly been going senile and this is the result.
Putting her down would kill me.
No one will take her on because she is aggressive with other dogs and cannot be left alone.
Do I just carry on my miserable life and wait for her to die naturally?
Wwyd?

OP posts:

PurpleTango · 21/09/2017 16:12

That's not crate training! You don't shove them in and build up the time the door is closed! Fgs. Why do you have a dog you haven't a clue how to train?

Exactly this ^

The dog is not trained, has very little excercise, has no stimulation, you have a newborn.... a recipe for disaster!

Why oh why do people have dogs when they have no fucking idea about what a dog needs? 😞

carefreeeee · 21/09/2017 16:12

Sounds like separation anxiety. Fairly common but unusual for it to start in an older dog that's always been fine. I wonder what has caused it. Maybe your dog had a bad experience one day when you were out, or maybe there is something else going on such as age related brain changes.

Has your vet suggested it could be separation anxiety? There are training methods to help with this but it will be difficult and take a while (and may not be successful if there's some biological reason for the behaviour change).

Basically you would need to desensitise your dog to being left by gradually increasing the amount of time so that the dog learns you will return.

Don't make a fuss when you go or come back, ignore the dog for 5 minutes either side of going or returning. To start off with just put on your coat go out the door and come straight back in (and ignore the dog). Once you can do this without any reaction, up the time to a couple of minutes. You should aim for your dog not to be distressed on your return. If the dog is already distressed as you put on your coat/pick your keys up before you even go out, then just put the coat on and take it off again. The idea is to find the level where the dog is not too bothered and very gradually increase. Ideally avoid leaving the dog alone for any longer period for several weeks to months whilst this training is going on.

Crate training on its own isn't going to work as the reason the dog is stressed is because it is alone. The crate might limit the damage to the house that's all.

I think you shouldn't feel bad if you decide to PTS at this stage. You must be pretty committed to your dog to have put up with the amount of damage you have, so no-one can say you don't care about your dog.

carefreeeee · 21/09/2017 16:14

this site gives some basic info. It does like SA as you said the dog is starting to get distressed as soon as you lock the door, which makes boredom less likely

positively.com/dog-behavior/behavior-problems/separation-anxiety/

Tazerface · 21/09/2017 17:14

I am so confused about all the people saying OP shouldn't have a dog when she doesn't know how to care for it, when it's not being stimulated or exercised - sounds like the dog has had a good 11ish years with OP and is now old and for whatever reason really unhappy.

Pringlemunchers · 21/09/2017 17:17

I honestly can't believe some of these comments. Yes she is old and becoming a nuisance, get rid , just pts !!! She is going senile. Even though the vet said she is in good health and she has done this before!
I am not an expert, but here is my take on this:

She and you are overwhelmed with the new baby, becoming a parent is massive, causes disruption, tiredness and overall changes, which every one will need to adjust to. It will take work and patience, it just depends if you have it. It seems like you love her and want to do the right thing, so it can be fixed. Why not give us a specific situation, so that maybe we could help with to begin with?
Could you go out with her in the morning before your partners leaves for work?

Carouselfish · 21/09/2017 17:25

Can someone explain something - do they have drinks in crates (cages)? Can they get up and stretch their legs and turn around etc? Otherwise, utterly unacceptable right?

Pringlemunchers · 21/09/2017 17:29

Yes crate sizes vary a lot, so depending on dog size , you need a relatively large on. They can walk around in it and have water etc.

Pringlemunchers · 21/09/2017 17:31

I was always against them..... until I got a rescue dog who was an absolute nightmare. Probably a lot like this one or worse. He took to my wits end and back ! The crate ( with correct training) gave me back my sanity and patience. He loved it, it was his space. A safe time out for both of us.

Pringlemunchers · 21/09/2017 17:33

The dog must look at the crate as a treat, not a punishment though. Never put them in there for being naughty.

Mittens1969 · 21/09/2017 17:49

And it's not that the dog isn't getting any exercise! The OP's partner takes it for a very long walk on an evening until it's tired out. She's also looked after it really well for years, it's just in the last couple of years that there's been this deterioration.

Pringlemunchers · 21/09/2017 17:51

She is an elderly dog, who might appreciate a short walk in the morning. It could calm her and wear her out for a nap during the day.

maxthemartian · 21/09/2017 17:59

Why are people ranting about the OP getting a dog and not knowing what she is doing when she has had said dog for over a decade??

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 21/09/2017 18:12

Why are people ranting about the OP getting a dog and not knowing what she is doing when she has had said dog for over a decade??

Because some people can't be arsed to read the full thread and just enjoy a rant

Because some people can't seem to understand that being PTS is not the worst thing for an old and distressed dog

and

Because some people can't seem to trust that the OP has nothing but her dog's best interests at heart

Pringlemunchers · 21/09/2017 18:19

Or maybe it is because she has asked wwyd ?!!

Areyoufree · 21/09/2017 18:23

My Mum had an elderly dog who developed extreme separation anxiety - her eyesight was going. Could be a possibility? But you have my sympathies, OP, it sounds like you have tried everything you can. I think it sounds like whatever decision you make is based on you trying to do the right thing for your dog.

Daydreamerbynight · 21/09/2017 18:40

PurpleTango. Have you actually read the whole thread?

TheFaerieQueene · 21/09/2017 18:44

I haven't read all the replies, but have you tried a thunder vest? I find them great when my DDog is anxious.

DixieNormas · 21/09/2017 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alittlepotofrosie · 21/09/2017 18:47

Purple is there something wrong with your comprehension skills?

Lostquizzer · 21/09/2017 18:54

Can someone explain something - do they have drinks in crates (cages)? Can they get up and stretch their legs and turn around etc? Otherwise, utterly unacceptable right

Obviously I can't speak for all owners but yes, mine has a holder for her water bowl to stop blankets getting in it or it being knocked over, a couple of chew toys and blankets to lay on, it's a large crate and I have a small dog so she can stretch out, stand up, turn around etc. It's covered with a blanket except for the front. It's very similar to a horse in a stable, I used the same reasoning when buying and kitting out the cage as I would for choosing a stable for my horse.

AllToadsLeadToHome · 21/09/2017 19:03

Could you look into finding a sanctuary that would take her, where they are used to problem dogs? I know they exist because I support one. The animals live out their days with other pets, in a home environment, not in pens.
If it is a behavioural issue someone like that would be equipped to deal with it and give the care that is needed.

maxthemartian · 21/09/2017 19:22

I honestly don't believe a move to a sanctuary would be any kinder to a distressed and possibly senile 14 year old dog than being PTS. The dog would have to spend it's final time away from the person it's devoted to. That would be a sorry end to the long life it's already had.

Blodplod · 21/09/2017 19:47

Couldn't agree with you more Maxthemartian.. how distressing and confusing for the poor dog. Rehoming is not always the answer and in this case it's 100% not the kindest or most thoughtful thing anyone could do.

Lucisky · 21/09/2017 19:52

Are you free mentioned eyesight, and this was my thought also. It would be enough to make the dog very disorientated. OP you have been a loving and caring owner for many years. Your poor dog is now an old animal, and there is very little left going forward. Your circumstances have changed and you have more pressing priorities. Have her pts at home where she is comfortable, it will be hard for you, but not for your dog. She is currently anxious, frightened and destructive, and this may be caused by many things. Even if you could afford it, extensive medical examinations and tests will probably just tell you the same thing - an old dog suffering from old age and decline. It will come to us all in the end. Don't beat yourself up. You have given her a lovely life, but it is time to say goodbye I think. I have been in this situation myself and I know how hard it is. Be strong and don't pass the poor animal on because you can't face up to what you need to do

Original poster

Kittysparks1 · 21/09/2017 19:57

I would like to thank you all for your support and suggestions. Of course I will explore every option. I love her so much I can't imagine my life without her.
I feel I need to acknowledge those who say I shouldn't of got a dog- if I could speak to the stupid 17 year old I was and tell her to not take her in the first place I wouldn't. We have had an amazing 12 years together. She has been my sidekick and she has been a very happy obedient girl. I truely believe she would not of had such a good life otherwise, she had the worst start, she was abandoned in a flat and left without food or water. I did my best and I recognise other more knowledgeable people could have done better and I'm sorry about that because she is an amazing dog and deserves better.
I'm going to make a vet appointment (with a different vet) tomorrow morning and discuss again.
To the person who said about her eyesight, she has very bad cataracts and has had them for years so I will also bring this up with the vet, thank you.
Again thank you to everyone who has inputted. It really helps to get people's real life experiences and advice.

OP posts:

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