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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my dog down...

149 replies

Kittysparks1 · 21/09/2017 11:20

I'm so sorry about this long post.
I have a dog who has been my best mate for 12 years. I got her at 2 years old after she was abandoned and she had not been trained in the slightest.
Everything has been fine.
About 2 years ago she suddenly started being destructive for no reason I could find. I was living at my mums at the time. She ripped up carpets, ate door frames, chewed up a whole waldrobe and coffee table. Serious destructive behaviour. I tried everything. My vet ran out of options. My mum lost it and kicked us out once her house had been destroyed.
I moved into a rented house. She had a few blips but settled down.
6 weeks ago she has switched. She has destroyed everything in this house and the landlord is selling up and I need to move out. So far I have spent soooo much money repairing things. She even ate a fucking wall.
Now this is the problem. I have not left my house for 5 weeks straight out of fear of her destroying things. Even if I pop to the shop I can guarantee to come back to carnage. She ate the back door last time I dared to leave the house.
I'm going stir crazy. I sit in doors with my baby day in day out. It's seriously affecting my mental health. I just want to go for a walk with him but when I tried to take dog out with the Pram she almost pulled it over going for another dog. I sit here all day crying looking out the window just wishing I could go outside.
I'm convinced the dog has slowly been going senile and this is the result.
Putting her down would kill me.
No one will take her on because she is aggressive with other dogs and cannot be left alone.
Do I just carry on my miserable life and wait for her to die naturally?
Wwyd?

OP posts:

Blodplod · 21/09/2017 13:32

Also, I wanted to add that I had my horse PTS in March. She had been ill for about 2 years and as a result was starting to have a really shit life (couldn't be turned out on grass so was spending increasingly long periods of time locked in a stable). Her illness flared up again, and whilst I could have got her over that hurdle once again, the flare ups were getting more and more regular and out of the ordinary circumstances when they should flare up. (if that makes sense). I had the same vet for the 12 years I owned her. When this last flare up occurred I really had to question her quality of life versus my emotional torment over making the decision. Sometimes you have to put your emotions aside and think of what's best for them. Additionally what helped me is having a full and frank 'end of life' conversation with my vet who knew her inside out, had treated her for the last 12 years and knew the current circumstances regarding her illness and quality of life. Maybe you can speak to your vet? See what they think? The only thing I would say about the decision I made is once it was done, whilst I was maddened by grief initially I wasn't troubled by any toxic thoughts that I had done the wrong thing. I think you know your dog best and only you can decide her quality of life and what honestly is best for her.

kali110 · 21/09/2017 13:32

GherkinSnatch
Its destructive because it's not being walked and is being stuck in a crate.
The op has done a wonderful thing, but can't cope.

maxthemartian · 21/09/2017 13:32

Seriously, rehome a 14 year old staffie that trashes the house? On what planet?

PTS is a far, far kinder option than attempting that particular impossibility.

GherkinSnatch · 21/09/2017 13:32

If you read her updates, her DP walks it every day to the point of exhaustion.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 21/09/2017 13:39

Love people like you OP who give so much to their dogs. Please don't beat yourself up about it, being PTS can be the kindest option.

You have given your dog years of love and happiness, you should be proud of everything and your baby is lucky to have someone like you as a mother.

to you for having to make a horrible decision but total respect for everything you've done to care for your dog over the years.

ElizabethShaw · 21/09/2017 13:41

Kali - this dog is 14, she gets a good walk every day and won't go in the crate. Its not as simple as 'rehome' is it?

Blodplod · 21/09/2017 13:42

Kali110 - can you actually read? I'm not asking if you read the whole thread but can you actually read English? She is not keeping the dog in a fucking crate and is walking it every fucking day! Jeez....

AdoraBell · 21/09/2017 13:42

OP have you talked about her quality of life with the vet? She is quite old and there is a chance that putting to sleep would be better for her than continuing the stress/anxiety she may be feeling.

Speak to your vet again, or another vet, and really talk about all the options - medicines, activities or pts, looking at it from the dog's point of view.

It's never easy, but if the animal is suffering you have to assess their needs compared to your feelings and decide which is more important.

loobyloo1234 · 21/09/2017 13:43

Some awfully snidey comments on here as usual
To the person that made the 'why do you have a dog' comments ... how lovely you are

OP, it sounds like you love your dog very much. However this is now very much to yours and your babies detriment. I don't think you can let this continue. You need to have a life

loobyloo1234 · 21/09/2017 13:44

Oh and kali110 - read the fucking thread FFS

howcomeitslikethat · 21/09/2017 13:45

I had a very old dog who got dementia. She became disconnected from us and used to stand to stare at the door even though it was open. Its heartbreaking but if your dog is not enjoying life its time to let her go. You cannot focus on your baby while you are in a state over the dog. You have given it a good long life. I think that you know it is time but just need to know that no one will think bad of you. This is your time with your baby.

MargotLovedTom1 · 21/09/2017 13:45

Am glad to see two vets have been on to speak sense. It wouldn't be a cruel thing to euthanize a 14 year old dog with a poor quality of life; it would be a kindness.

KitKat1985 · 21/09/2017 13:48

I'm a bit about the posters who are suggesting OP gets the dog rehomed. I can't imagine there are going to be many people queuing up to rehome a 14 year old staffie that's aggressive to other dogs and can't be left on it's own at all without causing severe destruction around the house. And even if the OP did find someone, it would likely be extremely distressing to the dog to be rehomed given that is obviously very attached to it's current owner and is elderly and unlikely to tolerate change well.

GovernorMarley · 21/09/2017 13:50

The thing with pursuing a diagnosis to finality is it may well not change the outcome. I would assume the vet op has seen has ruled out the "easily fixable". Once beyond that it's a question of what are you going to gain from the information?

BaconAndBees · 21/09/2017 13:51

It sounds like you have given her a wonderful life. Don't decide never to get another dog . I'm guessing something happened before you got her that is making her jealous (? no dog trainer here, but my guess) - I'm sure she would have smelt your pregnancy hormones.

I think I would rehome to a home where she will be the only dog with someone in all the time. Don't feel bad

Northend77 · 21/09/2017 13:52

I recently had to make the decision to have our 11 year old British Bulldog PTS. He had been quite a burden on our family life for a few years. We couldn't put him in kennels as he didn't cope and it was getting harder and harder to find someone to look after him. He was blind and deaf which made him a bit jumpy when people touched him or there were people he didn't know in the house. This was all happening whilst our twins arrived and we were both working full time so mornings, especially were very stressful, trying to get everyone ready and not cause him undue stress. He eventually developed dry eye and a tooth absess and I decided that his quality of life just wasn't good anymore and it would be kinder for all to say goodnight. I was very sad but it's been a huge relief since (it happened about a month ago)

In your shoes I would absolutely have her pts. No-one is benefitting currently and it will just get more and more miserable for you all, her included. As someone else said, don't beat yourself up, she's had a nice life with you and you have tried lots of things to help her. I think it's just her time

TheLuckyMrsPine · 21/09/2017 13:58

OP I really feel for you. Some of these comments are very bizarre.

Your dog is 14 & you say things have not always been like this, it has happened over the last couple of years? As another poster says have you discussed with your vet if this is likely to be caused by senility?

I would not rehome, that is not the kindest thing for a 14 year old staffie. Discuss with your vet - I am pretty sure they will say the most compassionate thing to do would be to PTS.

AbsentmindedWoman · 21/09/2017 14:01

Just want to send un-Mnetty hugs to you OP. It sounds like your dog has has been truly loved for all her life with you. Circumstances have changed, her mental health doesn't seem to be so good, you have a baby and you don't have a surplus of cash to fling at the problem ie 1-2-1 dog walkers etc.

If you need to have the dog pts, please don't beat yourself up. If she's unwell and unhappy and suffering (mentally or physically) then better a few weeks too soon than a day too late.

AnotherExWife · 21/09/2017 14:26

Hi op, I really feel for you. It's quite clear that you've given your dog a wonderful life and is very much loved. You've worked with your vet to try help your dog but unfortunately nothing has helped. I honestly think you've done as much as you can do. Given her age and that rehoming realistically wouldn't be an option then the kindest option would be to pts

Beerwench · 21/09/2017 15:33

Some of us might think that (with exceptions like the OP's) a properly trained and cared for dog doesn't need to be "crate trained". Crates tend to be the preserve of the "can't be arsed to train so let's lock it in a box" owner rather than someone who knows about dogs.

Sorry but there are instances where a 'can be arsed' owner with a well trained and cared for dog needs to use a crate. I have one who goes in her crate while I'm out because the older dog is well, old, and getting a bit grumpy and senile. The younger dog can annoy the older one and this provokes a fight, very occasionally. Obviously if I'm there I can stop it before it starts. They are very attached to each other and the older dog especially gets upset when they are separated, so same room and one in a crate. The younger dog is also a small dog, as a pup she could squeeze just about anywhere on her adventures as pups do, crate training kept her safe from squeezing behind furniture, freezer, fridge and chewing wires etc. So your statement about owners using crates because they can't be arsed doesn't apply to everyone.

BlurryFace · 21/09/2017 15:37

It might be best to PTS in this case, sounds like you've really tried with your poor dog, but a life where she becomes anxious and destructive when left while you pop to the shop isn't a good one for her or for you. She must be miserable.

My childhood dog had to be PTS when he was 15 due to dementia. It was awful, his sight and hearing had deteriorated a little but otherwise he was physically quite spry, his mind though, completely shot. He would stop recognising us and cower away from people and animals when he had been a very confident social dog.

ExConstance · 21/09/2017 15:42

I have rehomed two senior Staffies, but I wouldn't take a 14year old (well, never say never) because all that heartbreaking coping with a dog who has not got much time left and then the loss is something I couldn't go through again. It isn't fair to rehome a dog of that age.

5rivers7hills · 21/09/2017 15:45

You've done a wonderful job with the dog taking her in with that start in life.

I don't see why people come on and stick the boot in.

The dog gets a good walk every day and is cared for. The dog is very old and obviously unhappy. The OP has worked with her vet to find the problem.

PTS is a kind option in these situations.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 21/09/2017 15:59

At that age you will certainly be having her pts in the next year or two anyway so why not do it now before she suffers any more?

Alittlepotofrosie · 21/09/2017 16:05

Op... i would really suggest finding out if your vet will do a home visit if you do decide to pts. What better way for a dog to go than surrounded by loved ones in their own bed?

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