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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my dog down...

149 replies

Kittysparks1 · 21/09/2017 11:20

I'm so sorry about this long post.
I have a dog who has been my best mate for 12 years. I got her at 2 years old after she was abandoned and she had not been trained in the slightest.
Everything has been fine.
About 2 years ago she suddenly started being destructive for no reason I could find. I was living at my mums at the time. She ripped up carpets, ate door frames, chewed up a whole waldrobe and coffee table. Serious destructive behaviour. I tried everything. My vet ran out of options. My mum lost it and kicked us out once her house had been destroyed.
I moved into a rented house. She had a few blips but settled down.
6 weeks ago she has switched. She has destroyed everything in this house and the landlord is selling up and I need to move out. So far I have spent soooo much money repairing things. She even ate a fucking wall.
Now this is the problem. I have not left my house for 5 weeks straight out of fear of her destroying things. Even if I pop to the shop I can guarantee to come back to carnage. She ate the back door last time I dared to leave the house.
I'm going stir crazy. I sit in doors with my baby day in day out. It's seriously affecting my mental health. I just want to go for a walk with him but when I tried to take dog out with the Pram she almost pulled it over going for another dog. I sit here all day crying looking out the window just wishing I could go outside.
I'm convinced the dog has slowly been going senile and this is the result.
Putting her down would kill me.
No one will take her on because she is aggressive with other dogs and cannot be left alone.
Do I just carry on my miserable life and wait for her to die naturally?
Wwyd?

OP posts:
BackieJerkhart · 21/09/2017 12:37

Elizabeth have you got something personal against me that I don't know about? Have we had words before? Are you trying to goad me or something?

Mittens1969 · 21/09/2017 12:44

My DSis had a lovely Labrador Retriever from a puppy. She was with her through her first marriage, divorce, remarriage and kids. She was by then elderly, 14 I think, she had various health problems; she couldn't cope with their DS, who was 2 at the time, she was bad-tempered and they made the decision to have her PTS. It was devastating but they had to safeguard their children.

Sometimes we do have to make hard decisions like this. But you should at least talk to a behaviourist.

cunningstunnt · 21/09/2017 12:45

I had this. Perfectly behaved dog suddenly started destroying the house when we were out at the age of 9. It got to the point when we couldn't leave a room as he would follow us right by our ankles. Dogs don't just develop separation anxiety; there has to be an underlying cause. Although I suspected dementia, the vet actually put it down to back pain, either due to an injury or arthritis. He had also suddenly become unpredictable/aggressive with other dogs despite previously being very well behaved and friendly. In the end we and the vet decided the best thing to do was to put him down, but it was a long process of establishing the cause and trying painkillers and exhausting everything else first. It was horrible but the best thing for him. Flowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/09/2017 12:46

Hi Kitty, I really feel for you.
14 is a good age, and to me, it does sound like senility.
I would take her to see a different vet, to the one you have been seeing.
Your little Staff sounds very distressed, as do you.
My DMs Collie suddenly started displaying the same behaviour, scratching walls etc, and acting out of character, sleeping in cupboards, that kind of thing.
If this is the case, it would be the right, and kindest thing, to let her go.💐

kingjofferyworksintescos · 21/09/2017 12:50

If she's ok when you are there and the two of you are very close bonded as it sounds like you are , it sounds like separation anxiety

Try googling this as there's lots of structured help that you can put in place for her

Please don't listen to all the posters only to eager to have her pts ( it seems to be a mn thing ) when you can do something positive with a bit of effort to help her through her last few years safely and kindly

KitKat1985 · 21/09/2017 12:52

I think you've had some harsh responses on here OP. It sounds like your very attached to your dog and have tried really hard to look after her for the past 12 years. The fact that this behaviour only resurfaced about 6 weeks ago in a 14 year old dog suggests to me that either she's jealous of your new baby, or that she's got some health issue that is affecting her behaviour. Dogs can get dementia too in the same way that humans do. I think if you haven't seen a vet in a while you should consider making another appointment for her. Regardless I think it's really important you never leave her unattended with your baby if she's acting oddly. Given her age and her behavioural issues, I do agree that if you can't cope with her any more then having her PTS would probably be kinder than trying to get her rehomed.

BarbarianMum · 21/09/2017 12:53

That's not crate training! You don't shove them in and build up the time the door is closed! Fgs. Why do you have a dog you haven't a clue how to train?

Some of us might think that (with exceptions like the OP's) a properly trained and cared for dog doesn't need to be "crate trained". Crates tend to be the preserve of the "can't be arsed to train so let's lock it in a box" owner rather than someone who knows about dogs.

Branleuse · 21/09/2017 12:59

I think I would seriously considering PTS if you cant rehome. You have absolutely no life atthe moment and are at serious risk of developing PND. I think a lot of people on here would rather entire familys fall apart, or children get attacked etc before rehoming a dog or getting it PTS, but they dont have to live with it x

Lovemusic33 · 21/09/2017 13:00

Staffies can be hard to to crate train, I tried with mine and she hurt herself when I left her in there, I tried slowly introdipucing her to it but there was no way she was going in there.

14 in as a good age for the breed, I think there must be something going on as at this age she should be spleeping most of the day and comfortable with being left alone (I go out, come back and my girl hasn't moved from the sofa).

Speak to the vet again but don't feel guilty if you feel like you can't carry on, your mental health and wellbeing comes first, being stuck indoors all day isn't good for you or your baby. I rehomed one of my dogs a few months ago because I just couldn't cope with him anymore.

Secretusernameofshame · 21/09/2017 13:01

There are some nasty posters on here. This isn't puppy the op can't be arsed to train. This is an elderly dog which is either not coping or not well. People seem to prolong their pets lives for their own sakes these days and then we wonder why pet insurance has gone up so much.

If the dog was young I'd suggest trying harder or rehoming but given her age I would take her to another vet for second opinion and if nothing appears wrong that you can fix I would put to sleep. It sounds like she's had a fantastic life with you and you have nothing to feel guilty over.

CoCoCoconut · 21/09/2017 13:08

Backie I don't think Elizabeth has to have anything against you in order to recognise that your tone has been unneccessarily mean and you do seem to want to upset OP rather than help her.

You've known this dog exists for about an hour. OP has lived with her and loved her amd, it seems, done her very best for her for 12 years. Maybe she doesn't understand how crate training works as well as you do. Fine, enlighten her as to how it would work better and why her attempts might be adding to the dog's stress. But for you to snidely ask why she even has the dog, in reponse to her posting here at the end of her rope, after she has put 12 years in and is 5 weeks postpartum, is just as stupid as it is mean.

OP, you obviously love your dog and I hope you find a medication or technique that allows you to keep her a little longer. But at age 14, if she continues to be unpredictable and unhappy, and with a vulnerable newborn in the house, you may have no choice but to let her go peacefully. If it comes to that I hope you can focus on and be proud of the 12 years of being loved that you gave her. Congratulations on your new baby Flowers.

GovernorMarley · 21/09/2017 13:08

Echo everything in danceswithwarthogs' post. (I'm also a vet.) Pts is absolutely not wrong thing to consider for an elderly distressed pet with diminishing quality of life.

GherkinSnatch · 21/09/2017 13:10

*There are some nasty posters on here. This isn't puppy the op can't be arsed to train. This is an elderly dog which is either not coping or not well. People seem to prolong their pets lives for their own sakes these days and then we wonder why pet insurance has gone up so much.

If the dog was young I'd suggest trying harder or rehoming but given her age I would take her to another vet for second opinion and if nothing appears wrong that you can fix I would put to sleep. It sounds like she's had a fantastic life with you and you have nothing to feel guilty over.*

This in spades. In your exact circumstances I'd have this exact dog PTS. It's a miserable existence for everyone involved and has the potential to become dangerous for you and your baby.

Also - personally, I'd not be walking a dog like that with a baby in a sling. If she pulls enough to pull your pram over when she see's another dog, what's she going to do to you when your centre of balance is off from baby wearing?

Blodplod · 21/09/2017 13:13

Whilst I never normally advocate putting a healthy dog down I can't help but wonder if this would be the kindest thing you could do for your dog. She is obviously suffering from chronic separation anxiety and you've tried everything you can (apart from the medication mentioned above). I can't believe the dog is happy and you certainly aren't. As you rightly state not many people are going to take her on, and even if someone does it could take a long time in a rescue centre before she is rehomed, which judging by her anxiety is not going to be the best for her. I'm not sure my dog would suddenly take to going in a crate however much I trained her for it, so I understand why your dog is not happy too regardless of how long you may persevere with training. Also, she now has the association of a traumatic experience being crated and I should imagine unlikely to forget that. At 14 surely she should be at the point of sleeping most of the day and going out for one good walk (which you are doing), not getting so stressed etc when you go out. If she was 8 or 9 I would say rehome or find another solution (if one exists) but in your situation I'm not so sure. All of that said, I know how difficult this is going to be for you and I wonder if you will ever forgive yourself for the decision made, so maybe investigate the medication first and see how you get on and revisit the situation in a few months. You may be lucky and have a miracle cure like the PP above. Good luck OP, I don't envy your situation at all.

BackieJerkhart · 21/09/2017 13:14

Some of us might think that (with exceptions like the OP's) a properly trained and cared for dog doesn't need to be "crate trained". Crates tend to be the preserve of the "can't be arsed to train so let's lock it in a box" owner rather than someone who knows about dogs.

Not sure of your point. OP is using a crate. The dog is highly stressed by this. SHe clearly hasn't been crate trained, which, if OP intends to use a crate, is clearly necessary! What she is doing is not crate training. It's just containing the destruction temporarily. Or not as the case may be.

Incase you were making a dig, I don't use a crate.

MsJuniper · 21/09/2017 13:15

As others have said you have obviously done a great job looking after her for 12 years and this sounds like an illness or degeneration of some kind.

I think you would be justified in pts even though you will feel sad. If she is suffering in ways you can't see, you will be ending things before it gets even worse and you can take comfort in giving her a great life when many staffs might have lingered in rescues or been pts years ago.

Maybe there is a solution that would give her another year and maybe this latest bout is related to your baby. But if you're not able to fix the problem due to your own circumstances and rehoming would not be an option, the effect is the same and there would still be kindness in your actions.

Cruciatus · 21/09/2017 13:17

I got your joke kitty! Poor you and poor dog. I would let her go. A new home or shelter would be too traumatic at her age of life. And less than she deserves after 12 years of being your friend. Be prepared to be devastated though. I had my dog pts at 14, I was sorry I hadn't done so earlier as her quality of life wasn't great. I also imagine going to the vet and trying new medication might be traumatic for her too. Remind yourself that she has had a good life and be kind to yourself too.

ExConstance · 21/09/2017 13:23

14 is a good age for a Staffie, I had to have mine PTS just before he reached 13 as he was a physical wreck and had no joy left in his life.
I think OP is saying that she can't go out with just the dog and leave her child, not that the 3 of them can't go out together. I suspect there is something very significant going on that is causing this behaviour and that a day too early will be better than a day too late. Sorry, OP I know it is heartbreaking.

Alittlepotofrosie · 21/09/2017 13:24

I agree with @CoCoCoconut

Op some people on mumsnet go off the rails if someone posts about a dog and they don't like what the op is doing. But they very rarely have any useful advice. They just want to be dicks.

I would take to another vet for a second opinion with a view to pts. The dog doesnt know its going to happen, they live in the moment with no concept of tomorrow. You'll feel guilty but i think its probably the right thing to do. She's a very elderly dog.

Don't be put off having another dog again. Especially by some ignorant posters on this site who will attack anyone who does things differently.

Justonemorepleasethen · 21/09/2017 13:25

I would have it PTS, its old and sounds far to stressful with a newborn

StaplesCorner · 21/09/2017 13:26

I would take to another vet for a second opinion with a view to pts. The dog doesnt know its going to happen, they live in the moment with no concept of tomorrow. You'll feel guilty but i think its probably the right thing to do. She's a very elderly dog.

Surely this is all any of us can say? 14 years is a wonderful age for a dog to get to and sounds like most of them have been very happy.

kali110 · 21/09/2017 13:27

Op take her to the vet.
Or rehome her.
She doesnt need to be put down she just needs someone who knows how to looks after her and who can walk her.
People are always quick to say pts on here.

GherkinSnatch · 21/09/2017 13:30

Who in their right mind is going to take on a 14 year old, destructive, staff? The young ones have a hard enough time getting rehomed.

Ttbb · 21/09/2017 13:30

Maybe go to another get for a proper diagnosis and talk through your options?

StaplesCorner · 21/09/2017 13:30

www.aspca.org/pet-care/dog-care/common-dog-behavior-issues/behavior-problems-older-dogs

OP this is an American article but very interesting I wonder if you recognise anything in it, talking about problems senior dogs have; BTW it also recommends not to crate an older dog if its not used to it.